Stranger Things are Happening

So here I am gearing up for my last long run tomorrow. I’ve seem to have turned a corner at least mentally and have been able to remain fairly focused this last couple of weeks. I’ve gone into line runs including a 20 miler which I did around the city of Worcester for the first time.  Physically I feel pretty good. I was having some pain in my quad/periformis/butt  which never seem to develop into anything much worth *knock on wood*  until yesterday, which I’ll explain, I feel pretty prepared and able to do the marathon aiming towards probably staying with the 3:35 crew and hoping that I could hold on and beat the 3:40 by enough time.  I know a lot still depended on the weather of the day how I felt and other things that are in my control and yet out of my control but I feel like I put in the mileage this time. I was/am running about 10 to 15 more miles per week and I did previously which I hope will literally carry me through.

 Now you will notice that I said I felt prepared up until yesterday And the reason for that caveat is because they just change the Boston qualifying time to make them five minutes faster. What that means is now I have to run at 3:35 where is before you never know. There may have been some leeway. Of course this year everyone had to beat it by 4:52 so not much leeway. What that means is in reality I probably had to run to 3:35 but mentally I didn’t have to focus on that. Now I must do that or else I don’t even have a chance. That means beating my last marathon by 10 minutes. Actually more than 10 minutes. To me although I train for it now it seems like a lot and a giant hurdle.

I suppose the one nice thing about this is that discretion is now gone. I thought to put myself in the pocket with the 335 people but now that’s where I have to be. I’m going to have to work to keep that pace and I have that finishing touch and if it’s not going to happen that’s the end of it. Before if it wasn’t going to happen either 335 I feel like I’m mentally would have dropped back a bit and hope that maybe this year is the year that the qualifying times are a little bit slower than that what they used to be. But now that is not the case. So I suppose in some ways it is a good thing. It tells me what I have to do. Which is to work and remember that I put in the time and the energy and the focus and hope that this time it is enough. And if it isn’t, then it isn’t, and that is what it is.

 Despite the various up and downs I’ve seem to possess this summer in particular I do feel like I’ve put in about the maximum I can put into this right now. Of course I could have done better with the cross training and probably better with this be workouts and hitting the mileage but there is a part of me that wonders if I really could. This year I attacked the Marathon knowing I needed to put in more time and I have. I hope that it is enough but I am not sure and the uncertainty is what causes me the anxiety and the frustration at this change in the times however there is nothing I can do for it and it is too late to change any of my game plan and I just have to put my head down focus and keep steady.

I Keep Ticking On

So where have I been and what have I been doing?

Well.

Running.

And feeling sorry for myself.

I couldn't get myself to write anything because I had nothing really to tell that hadn't been covered in my prior post which was mostly suck it up and omg I want to stop.

Here's how the last over a month has gone with running: it's hot, I have to adjust my schedule, I putz through a run, I think about quitting and how that isn't so bad, I have an okay run and the weather breaks, I think about how I can do this. Rinse. Repeat. The speed work outs have been the hardest and I had one where I truly almost passed out which was a bit of a wake up call about working in this weather.

I talked to some of my friends about my state of mind about this and how I was considering not running the marathon and how much this summer dragged me down. They mostly commiserated with the heat part of my woes and didn't offer much to my I want to quit. I mentally knew the issue was around feeling beat up and tired which happens during training and happens at a particular time, but it is so hard to shake that off. When every run has a moment of dread, or worse, you expect it to have one, it's hard to keep up the motivation.

That being said, I now find myself facing my first 20 miler this weekend and am coming off a pretty solid two weeks. I hit both my speed workouts these past two weeks, making up for the above-mentioned almost passed out run with tackling it again and hitting the splits for the most part. I certainly did NOT almost pass out. I've had two long run (15.5 and 17.5) back on the rail trail that went well. Like so many other things in life, this was all about cycles and pity and overcoming. I have four more week of real work (three 20 and 20 plus with one dial back) and then it is the taper and then it is the race. I feel like maybe I've put the worst of the negative behind me and can focus on the finish line (pun most certainly intended).

Now, I need to focus a bit on my race and get myself into that mind frame: how do I want to run this? Do I just go with the 3:35 pacer and hope for the best? DO I try what I did last year and run how I feel and hope for the best? Much to consider and it's time to start and focus on getting back to eating good (I already do, but more focus before the long runs isn't a bad thing) and pushing through this last chuck. I can rest* after October 22nd for as long as I like but for now I need to get my head out of my you know what and get this done.

*May you rest, may you catch your breath.