Be Curious

I’m looking to approach this Eastern States (half marathon edition) with positivity and curiosity. It’s been a while since I’ve done a race that I didn’t have some internal pressure on myself. The half from last fall was sort of wooes-me run. It was just a survive because you signed up for it, the training was a bear, and I was too stubborn to call it. Bayshore marathon earlier in 2025 obviously had plenty of pressure and disappointment associated with it. The shorter races in the summer don’t carry much expectation with them and are always a “let’s see” race. 

In 2024 Newport was a big leap for me with hiring a coach and trying to make up for Providence and prove that was a fluke. The half in the fall was a let’s see and it went well but I still had the PR goal hanging over it (which I got). 
For this run, I think I’m excited and looking forward to see how it goes. I have some goals in terms of how I want to run it but nothing with a time really associated with it. I’ve slowly been getting my training a bit more under wraps and in a place where I’m seeing progress and seeing a little bit of that potential that I’ve had over the past two years. It’s nice and I know that I should treat this block as a way of finding myself and my running and joy again
The run tomorrow is just one more time to celebrate that I am able to be out there with other people doing something that has, most of the time, brought joy. I’m still hopeful I’ll have another swing at a half later in the spring and then I am even more hopeful, I’ll be hungry for something in the fall.

DSL

We are almost to day light savings time and getting back that end of the day sunlight. It's such a change in the mood for me during this time. I don't really mind the cold of winter or the snow or storms. This year they were a bit more stressful with our house, but we seemed to have survived. With the cold and snow, I can keep myself inside, workout on the treadmill, and go outside if I feel like it on the weekends.

But the loss of the sunlight in November is what hits me hard. It makes the days feel never-ending in a weird way. Wake-up in the dark, go home in the dark. Rinse and repeat. 

I lose a lot of my freedom outside with the loss of light too. We live in an area where I'd have to drive if I want to run outside after work and, really, that I don't have the energy for that. That would all be okay (see previous paragraph about how I can manage the tread) but with the husband always at home, there is a lose of alone time. It's all so rushed in a way when it's on the tread and noisy. It feels confining during the week that has little to do with the weather. Once we spring back, it feels like taking a deep breath. There is still winter, and in recent years, storms, but there is hope and space.

I think right now that's what I really need: hope. Just a little something that shines light around everything and everyone. Winters are hard and this winter felt and feels particularly hard. I think life feels heavy. Perhaps with the end of the dark days literally, there will be some light days figuratively. 

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

I managed to get a long run done outside on Sunday before another storm rolled through. It was the same route as last week, plus a mile and went so much better. I think some of that was due to the cold that occupied most of my thoughts for the first two miles, including the making deals with oneself that I'll go so far and turn around, but once you get to the turn around point you're finally warm and in a groove. 

The pace was quicker too although I hadn't made that a goal. I felt overall pretty strong and like some of the fitness that I've lost, but had in my back pocket is coming back around. It's a positive feeling and I hope that it continues throughout the rest of this spring and will remain somewhat present during the summer when the "real" work begins (or so I hope).

Then we go walloped (although not as bad as some places) with more snow. Yesterday was a very lazy day, one of those where you sort of wonder if you're in a mild depression, but with the crazy wind and snow, I think there was a better reason for the laze. I did a short bike ride because I'm still trying to add that in and it was dull, but I was watching some TV so not the worst. Today, because of work closures, I was able to do a mid-day seven miles which was just lovely. I forget how nice running is when you are shoving it in at the end of a busy day. The four days off of work, without travel, have been nice and it'll be a real reality hit tomorrow when everything is rushing for three days but so it goes.

For right now, I'm happy and that's what matters.

Getting Back Some Joy

Last year was really not a great year. It wasn’t awful, but it had a number of low points and stressful times, more so than other years. Those moments and, I think, me pushing through those times, took a lot of my joy away from running. And running less than joyfully didn’t give me the stress relief I wanted it to give me. And so it was a vicious circle. 

Many of the stresses still remain: the house and work namely, and some low points linger, the loss of our pup and the disappointment of Bayshore, but those lessen with time. So I’m looking to find some of my joy back in running and, in some ways, it’s slowly coming around. 

I’ve started to move past my leg and back, now knowing it may just be “one of those things”, and looking to challenge myself a bit. I’ve felt small fitness increases and, with those, some ease with some of my runs. I’m trying to remember why I run and want to run and race. Honestly, the Olympics help a lot with that. 

All of this I suppose is just acknowledging different seasons in running and embracing all of them for what they are. 

Circled

​In a way, I guess I just full circled myself. 

After taking many months off or limited exercise while trying to figure out what was going on with my back, turns out that my back is just me being old. I’m still not 100% sure if I think that’s the outcome but post MRI I guess I’m just going to try and focus on proper nutrition recovery, and easing back into running. 

The spring is looking different than it has in many years. I’ll probably end up doing 2/2 marathon or that is the goal. No Marathon for me. It’s a little bit nice not to have the long runs during winter, especially with the winter that we’ve had, but it’s also kind of weird. Because of that, I think the goal is then shifting to do a fall or early winter full marathon. My husband is doing Chicago, so trying to line up the training between the two of us, but we will see.

I’m still trying to find some of the excitement and our motivation for running. It’s coming back incrementally which is nice and I’m hoping that I can just flip my season and have an enjoyable yet hard summer of training.

We’ll see how that goes.

I’m also trying to still make the switch to work out in the mornings during the week. I’m an endless broken record about that, but I am just finding getting home at night later and not having the motivation to run. Abstinent being something to do with my iron or energy levels I think it just is how my life has shifted. Ideally, I’ll be able to motivate myself for the half marathon because the runs are longer to get up and go in the morning. 

As someone said, it’s a muscle you have to train it like anything else so we shall see. 

December 28th-January 3rd

I'm not in anything official yet and, honestly, not sure what early 2026 is going to look like to then shape up the rest of 2026. For now, I'm trying to focus on getting healthy both post-whatever-flu-cold-illness I've had for a week and whatever is happening with the back/hip. Then I guess I'll assess some goals. Really, the biggest one right now is to get back on track and excited for working out again. It's been a long time since I felt a spark and I'm hoping maybe putting some more intention into working out will help. So I'll try to log again and see where I'm at.

December 28th: I was feeling a bit better but not great so went for a walk/run on the tread. Not the best but got in 2.28 miles which was the most in far too long.

December 29th: Nada. The work day crushed me and I went to be at 8pm.

December 30th: Birthday dinner and bed at 8:30pm.

December 31st: NYE and, we'll say, I was preserving my energy.

January 1st: Feeling finally better and figured I'd give it an easy go. Around 2.50-3miles on the tread at a low and slow speed watching some YouTube.

January 2nd: I think I'm just still lingering in my tired-state. I'm hopeful a day off from everything will just help and tomorrow and moving forward will finally feel normal.

January 3rd: I got myself to the gym and ellipticaled for about 35 minutes and did some closed circuit legs (press - double and single legged and ab and ad ducters). Not yet feeling the groove but trying. 

Never the Same

​In all honesty, 2025 was meh to blah to awful. It was a lot of work for little success. It was a lot of loss with little gain. It was a year that I felt stuck, still do in some ways, with constant attempts to unstick but with limited success. It was a lot of stress and stressors and discomfort. I felt like, especially in the fall, that I could never get ahead and was always falling short. I kind of then just gave in and gave up to trying to fight against the constant pull in all directions.

And then there was the dog.

The loss of the pup is what really colors the whole year. It’s just a hole that won’t ever be filled and make 2025 bleak and sad. 

I’m not really in a place to say or wish for 2026 to be better. Not because I don’t want it to be but because none of the big loss will ever be okay. 2026 won’t be better because there’s no pup. It’ll be different and maybe that’s what I can hope for and focus on. 

For now, I still carry my sadness and loneliness. I will for a long while but I’m trying to carrying some other things. Some motivation. Excitement for maybe some what ifs. So dedication to answers. Some hope that I can find that spark.

For now, I focused on getting some easy miles in this am and an x-ray tomorrow. It’s going to be the little things in these first weeks and, hopefully, will paint the scene for the year.