So You Dreamt of Being a Pilot

I'm still in the in-between training blocks, but quickly coming up on the start of the new marathon build. I've signed up for the Maine Marathon October 3rd so that's the goal. The husband is running Chicago the week after and I think, for me, I need to be before or well after. For now this is the goal with some possibility of switching to something a bit later if things progress differently.

During this period, I am looking to get into a groove and find/keep joy in running and light training. I'm trying to do some work in the AM especially as summer creeps more and more present these days. I am also trying to not get uber-annoyed with the summer weather and, instead, embrace it and hope it assist in the fall. 

Which will also hopefully be cooler...

Overall things are going well. The runs feel good, a bit slower than usual, but that's okay. I still have some legs issues here and there but I'm trying to be more proactive to varying success. All in all, I'm using the in-between as set-up and I think it's going well.

I look forward to starting the block with its speed work and increase in mileage. I hope to run some of those harder efforts with the husband which will hopefully prevent the little fits of last block. I'm optimistic and that's kind of a fun place to be especially because I feel like some of the optimism is about the block and not the result. 

As I live this in-between, I am also trying to be aware of the fact that my goal may be different than it has been for years. There may not be a BQ at the current time in my future and I need to find a way to keep the motivation high and the I've strong. I think I'm building a pretty good foundation with that and, in a lot of ways, listening to Sara Hall's book really helped in that regard.

She aimed big so many times and she often missed out on the big goal of the Olympic team. But she was so amazing and successful and that one miss shouldn't define her to herself or anyone else. And that's for someone whose job is the sport. For someone like me it makes even less sense to be defined by what I didn't do instead of what I did in running.

So, that's my goal: to fall in love with the sport once again and the block and just... see what happens. We'll see how well I stick to that as things progress since it is easy to say that when I'm just sort of putzing around, but I'm also optimistic in that.

Barns and Blossom Recap

Overall, I’m gonna say that this was probably a B to a B minus day. My A goal was to run a 1:43, acknowledging that was right on the cusp of what I think was possible. My B goal was under a 1:45 which I use as a benchmark for how my overall progress is going and what might be possible for the future. My C goal was to have a race that I felt proud of even if the time wasn’t there. 

I was really excited about the hotel stay and, in a way that makes perfect sense, it was not great. The place was fine and I was able to get dinner, a shower and relax, but I had an awful sleep. I’m not sure if that’s because of a pending race or being in a hotel, but man I’m sick of that. So I woke up annoyed but kept moving forward and was trying not to focus on the bad of the night.

Side note: I need to wake up earlier before races and, therefore, before long runs.

I’m going with a B minus result because, although I did hit my second time goal, the race was pretty hard in the latter half. Like, why I am I out here doing this for fun hard. At my coaches suggestion, my aim was to stay at a 7:50 for those first 6 miles and I really tried to pay attention to doing that and did pretty well. The auto-lapping was not going to plan as the markers seemed off so I was paying more attention during the mile than usual.

Once I got through the first six, I aimed to do the pick up and then for the last three just kind of throw caution to the wind, but the body just wasn’t responding in that way. The route was mostly rolling hills once we got out of what was a slight downhill over the first couple miles and I think those eventually just got to me. I found I wasn’t able to rally as much as I was hoping I was going to be able to. I’m not sure if that’s just still coming back from less training or maybe the fact that the training, while I followed it well I think, for me to move forward from a 1:44-1:45 I need a little bit more. There is also always the fact that perhaps it’s time to shift some goals but that’s an evaluation for another day.

I finished feeling just blah. I got my medal and looked up my age group placement (5th) and then just…left. I felt disappointed again and I didn’t want to feel like that. I grabbed breakfast and, while wanting to hang out and relax, was interrupted mid-breakfast as the hotel didn’t get my late notice so then I just left. 

In chatting with my coach, I think the race wasn’t the loss that I feel like it was but was a measuring stick into how I may be able to set-up my summer. Plus, going into it, I felt like I had a good training block and, while that may not be a PR, having a block I enjoyed and stuck to is a success about a trying fall and winter. 

Unlike Bayshore, this race didn’t knock the motivation from me at least. If anything, it highlighted how important a good block is to a good race. 

What to Dream?

It’s been a while since I’ve felt prepared for a race and I sort of feel that way for this one. The training the last few weeks has sort of clicked and I feel like I’ve gained fitness. I don’t think I’m in PR shape but I also don’t entirely know what shape I am in. And after so many months, almost a year or perhaps even a year, of constantly hoping for that breakout I’m sort of chewing on the idea could this be it?

I guess I want it to be it but I also want to have a good day where I feel like I put it all out there and tried. I don’t know if that means a PR these days but I wanted to feel like if I was interviewed on a podcast I could say I did everything I could in the race.

Did We Do It?

I've had two good weekends of speed work that have helped to boost my confidence in running in general and, in some ways, bring a little joy back to it (probably because of feeling like I can still accomplish maybe something big). Last week I held onto 3x1.5 miles despite having a tummy and head that didn't like me. I think that run and my following long run may have messed up my system a bit, because I did not feel great on Tuesday, but by Wednesday seemed okay. What that meant or means though was five days in a row of running if I wanted to be close to my training plan.

I dialed back some of the easy run distances, because of time and energy, but have so far held on to keeping most mileage. Today I did a progressive HMP workout starting at 10 second more than HMP, HMP and then 10 second faster than HMP. For me I put my goals at 7:50, 7:40 and 7:30. I tend to talk myself out of progressive runnings claiming "I'm not good at them" in terms of managing the speed increases and steady-state, but today I tried really hard not to follow that narrative.

My splits were: 7:52, 7:52, 7:36, 7:41, 7:33, 7:32 so turns out I can manage my paces if I focus. I think some of that is having had a coach for almost while and having better management of prescribed paces in workouts. I felt overall pretty good during this run. By the end, I was glad to be done and I'm not sure a 7:30 half marathon pace is there for me which was also a far reaching goal, but there is a little excitement there about what I could maybe pull off. I'd LOVE a 1:39:59 and losing the "4" before my half marathon pace, but I think that's still a stretch. For now, I'm thinking between a 1:40-1:45 but closer to the 1:45. You never know and we'll see how I feel, how the weather is and what the course shapes up to be, but there is that lilt trickle of "hmm maybe I can pull something off".

Marathon Monday

As each year passes and Marathon Monday comes around again, I keep thinking about how much I’d like to be out there, but also how maybe this isn’t for me. I won’t give up on the dream of running it by qualifying, but it seems like something that is a bit out of reach. I will say that Marathon Monday was what made me want to run a marathon. I still can remember running after watching it in … 2009? And thinking, yes I can run one of those. I can remember how blissful that run felt. And it may have taken a few years, but I did run one. And then another and another and so on.

It is hard not to feel the desire and the wish for Boston, but I think there is much I can be proud of in my running even if that never happens. I’ll keep striving to run my best races, because I think I can still do that, but I’ll recognize that my best may not be enough which is overall okay. I wish it meant something else but that’s okay. If I can keep putting myself on the start line and keep trying as I age, maybe that’s enough.

Reframing

Every althelete, not matter what level, knows the day will come when there are no longer chasing PRs not due to the lack of want, desire or drive, but due to age. It's not a fun thought to consider and, I expect, not a fun one to live and I find myself wondering if I'm reaching that age or getting close to it.

I think that I never tested myself in the marathon until recently so I think, in some ways, I may not be at the end of a PR stage yet although perhaps because I missed what my prime may be. That is something I'll never know so no reason to consider it. I do wonder, though, if this idea of a PR or, heaven forbid, a BQ is something that is out of my grasp now. 

I hope not and I'm not sure if I'm giving up the ghost just yet, but the idea is there. I had a hard and disappointing workout today. Perhaps it is because I am not fit enough yet or perhaps it is that I am not fit for those number any longer. I am not sure and haven't decided what to think, but the thought it there and it was there during the run.

I kept thinking/wondering if this was my new normal. If these hard paces, once not as hard, we my limit now. I suppose if the work is still there and the effort is still there, that is all a good thing, but I'd like to think I may be able to toe the line and hit something quicker than before still.

We shall see. For now, I'll try to keep pushing and hope that finish line will come quicker than expected.

A Good Day

​Today was a good run. 

I don’t know if it was figuring a (maybe better) breakfast (sour dough ftw) or some fueling or just improvement in fitness, but it was nice to hard a run that just … happening. 

I’m hopeful keep this positivity with me going forward through this remaining half training plan and then… 

And then…

Into a fall marathon training. 

For the first time in a while my mindset is a little bit of:

Let’s go.