Gonna Be Gonna Be Golden

I've done two big 20 mile long run workouts since my last post and the crazy part of both of them is that: 

They went well.

The first had 3 miles into 3 miles MP, one mile easy, one mile HMP, one mile easy, 3 miles MP, one mile easy, one mile HMP, one mile easy, 3 miles MP and then cool down. I'd "done" this one before but I had a fair bit if stoppage and regrouping with sort of, as coach nicely said, defeated the point of it so I really tried to keep in the work of this one and managed to do just that. My MP and HMP are not the same as they were when I first tried this one two years ago, but they were markedly different from easy and something that may be new paces for me at both MP and HMP. 

I was pretty wrecked from it the full day but I had Monday off so didn't need to go right into work which was nice.

The week before the next big long run workout (which was in six days) went mostly okay, but I did miss a 6 mile run due to just being tried. I planned to make it up in Friday morning, but I wasn't able to use the tread and, honestly, not sure I would have managed it so I took the L and just skipped it focusing on today.

Today's 20 mile workout run I did last year and it went really well. I felt amazing when I did it and accomplished. I honestly don't remember how the 7 mile warm-up felt then, but based on my Strava post, I think I had some self-doubt and seven miles is plenty of time for self-doubt. But I do remember how I felt for at least one of the 3 miles of work because I can remember the song.

I wanted to feel that again today, but I didn't know. I focused on food and somewhat succeeded (I erred at lunch but I won't do that during the marathon week). I planned to start at or close to race time so planned the am wake-up the same and, man, 5:15 came in hard. I was tired, but I did get going and had the water, coffee and English muffin. I didn't feel totally great, but not awful. It was enough though to start those first inklings of doubt. I kept moving and go to the park, plotted about and peed before acknowledging I was delaying what was coming and started.

The 7 miles did not feel great. They weren't bad, but I felt like I was working harder than I wanted and, knowing I was supposed to do the real work the second 2/3rd of the run that had me worried. I still took the gel and tried some water (I should have done much better with the water) and just before seven miles I changed shoes, used the bathroom and petted some dogs. I then started into the work and...

It went well.

Good even.

Once I started the MP I had something to focus on and an ability to countdown differently than I am at mile two of twenty. I didn't do too many other stops so kept a pretty good flow and hit relatively close to my goal pace of 8:10. I don't think an 8:00 flat pace for Maine is going to happen which is, actually fine so I've taken to adjusting my goal splits a bit, while not entirely saying no to 8:00.

I also don't feel quite as awful this afternoon and evening as I did last week. To be fair, I think last week's was a harder workout, but I'm also on more tired legs and had one less day between big efforts. I don't yet know what to take from these workouts because those extra six miles are something else as is race day and I still had break miles, but they were good. Someone might even say great.

It's pretty amazing what someone can do when they try even if they have a very stressful full-time job and wish they could put a little more into this hobby.

Where Did You Go?

It's been a minute, but all for good things. After my mom was in town, the training the went mostly well and I had a really good week August 4th, hitting a tempo workout that I didn't the last time I tried (funny how adjusting your paces as Coach suggests works in the New England Summers).

Then I had sort of a down week, August 10th. I hit two runs early on, but then got sort of walloped by upcoming travel stress so missed an easy run in hopes of hitting a long run before we headed over seas, but the long run did not go according to plan.

It was supposed to be 16 miles with two set of four miles at marathon pace in the middle. I did it on the treadmill because I had an inspection in the mid-morning so I didn't want to get stuck away from the house. I managed the first set of MP at something a little slower, but then never was able to rally back and called it at 11 miles. I think some of that was travel stress and worrying if I pushed that I might have stomach issues and some of it was me probably just giving. Although traveling is a lot of fun, it's a lot of work and stress so I think it just go to me.

But then we headed off to Scotland for a week of hiking which was really do. I was nervous about missing the week as we are in crunch time, but that's life and, hey, there are worst things to miss a week of running for. We were moderately active too so it wasn't just an eat and drink feast. I did pick up a cold which was frustrating and the 14 miler I planned was 10 miles on Sunday, but I at least got that in.

Since coming back, the week of training has gone fairly well. I did a really good mile repeat workout that felt very chill which was awesome. I started to have some knee pain which was not awesome, but I think it was from both wearing super shoes and jumping right back in. I took cares to ice and use ibuprofen and I think (hope) it's passed. Today was an 18 miler with MPs for 4, 3 and 2 miles. I handled it mostly okay, hitting close to goals for the 4 and 3, but bailed on the last mile of the 2 as my wheels were coming off. It was slightly warm and more humid than expected to have impacted me so I think that was some of the pace misses (also again, hopefully). 

It beat me up pretty good, which is not always the best feeling for various reasons, but being that I contemplated just dropping to the half marathon in October at mile 5, I guess we can call this one a success. I have two 20 milers in the next two weeks and then it's a quick taper. I'm not sure what I'm thinking about this race just yet, so that's a post for another time.

The Work is Hard

After two weeks of very bad tempo runs, I really wanted a good one and knew that I needed to actually put in the effort to make it work out that way. It was easier given the fact the husband is working this weekend so I can do my own scheduling but I still needed to make sure I ate okay, got up early and ran appropriate paces.

The workout was 6 miles with 10 second plus and 10 second minus marathon paces. I thought about trying to do like 8:30/8:15 but once I started, given the weather, and how the 8:25 I started at felt, I decided to just run a tempo and not try to make those adjustments. I managed to keep it all together for the six miles as well. I was going to do it as an out-and-back, always a little fearful of no bathroom (I also started before the park opened so didn't have a stop before I started), but I felt strong and decided to do the big loop.

I feel really pretty proud of this run. I feel like I made all the correct adjustments and got in the work that hopefully made a difference. I, of course, wished that I could go out there and drop the marathon pace for these work outs, but I'm realizing I have to respect the weather and try to get the work in for work's sake then focus on the time. I hope that, when it comes to the Maine Event (pun intended), the work in the summer will pay off, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves just yet.

Can't Win Them All

No surprise the blogging hasn't been the best but all for good reason. Two weeks ago we were petting sitting for some very needy, but adorable dogs. I didn't have much home downtime and, outside of the home downtime, was very structured and scheduled and for, well, running. That week of running went fairly well from what I remember. It was (and is kind of) early on so the long run was only ten and the speed sessions below six miles. 

Then the following week my mom was in town. The training this week was a little harder to get in. I did a spadework at an odd time before she arrived which went fine, but wasn't my best. I bailed on an indoor tempo because I was feeling pretty poor and didn't want to ruin a day with mom. That is, I'll admit, somewhat of an excuse but not a totally untrue one. I've definitely had runs that went bad that just ruin the full day (see below regarding today). I got the miles in just not the work. And then the long run was a bit short (ten instead of twelve) because I felt guilty being gone too long with her here. I also slept like ass before that one, tossing and turning in my head about what to do and how much time to take such that I was up at 6am and said just go and did.

This week training has been up and down. My easy runs have gone pretty well. One was a little short (seven easy miles in a work week is a mental hurdle that I haven't gotten to handle yet) but they all got done mostly inside because of the massive rain we had. My speed session Tuesday was inside and went fine with paces being close to prescribed. But today...

Today was a planned 5 mile tempo and I pretty much just screwed myself over from go. We made plans to go out with friends and from food choices (curry which wasn't carb-y enough) to drinks (I have to remember I'm in my forties) to a late night (11:30?!?) the set-up was gearing towards failure. And then I wasn't paying attention to the temp or humidity and needed to go across town for an appointment so went out for the start after 9am. It was 74 degrees, with 81% humidity at the start. I have no idea what it ended at other than too much. I still started and honestly, after the warmup and shoe change,I wasn't feeling great, but I wasn't feeling awful. Oh if only I knew.

I went out for the first mile at 8:00 because that's easy math and, even though my coach says to do it at 8:06, I'm stubborn about that. I also hit is right on the dot at 8:00 and during that mile and the change over, I felt good. It didn't seem like a terrible effort, I didn't need to adjust my form to keep it and I even thought, okay maybe I can do something at this pace that's pretty neat (meaning run a marathon). But oh man, then about a quarter into the next mile I started to tell I was having issues and I was going to go to two and turn back, but went 1.5 and knew I needed to head back. I continued to just over heat, stopping to collect myself. I had to get back to the car so I did try to re-focus and got in a third mile around 8:06 (mile 2 was 8:15) but once I hit the park and my car, I pretty much died. I was incredibly sweaty and did some walking and then thought about a start-up again but I felt like I was going to be sick. So then I took some shade time and planned to do a cooldown and was, again, feeling like I was going to be sick so even called it on that. I realized I just needed to get into the AC of my car and did just that at full blast. That made me feel a bit better and I went to my appointment and finally ate afterwards.

I still feel pretty crummy in that I did something stupid both yesterday and today and my body is trying to take a leave of absence from me. I know what I did wrong and I need to remember that and try to gauge what is important and when for me so I don't have such an epic fail again.

Tomorrow is a long run so hopefully that will go well enough to feel a little bit back on track.

Training Week July 5th-July 12th

I figured it would be fun to long-form some of my training weeks, mostly the workouts to see how this block goes. 

The easy runs this week went fine. I did one early morning and then one in the evening. The morning run was only four which was so nice because I didn't feel rushed in the AM. The evening one was a little harder but that was due to some house tasks we had to do beforehand, Both of these were on the tread for various reasons mostly being lazy

The speed workout was on Tuesday and it was toasty, 83 degrees with a real feel of 87 degrees. It was not supposed to be that warm but so it goes. The workout was short, 1 min on / 1 min off eight times so I was very hot and sweaty, but didn't feel unsafe. In the future, attention will be better paid and there will be shifts depending on the workout. The mins on were all between 6:34-6:59 which were faster than prescribed, but with how quick the intervals were I wasn't going to pay attention.

I had another speed workout today (Saturday) which was 3x1mi at marathon pace with .25 jog between the sets. My current marathon pace is 8:06 although my ever hopefully goal is an 8:00, but I'll try to pay attention to Coach. I got out fairly early which was good and the temp was lower with an okay amount off humidity. My mile splits were 7:42, 7:48 and 7:53 which were faster than prescribed but I felt pretty good. I wore supershoes which was a nice bounce. My goal was to hit the 8:00 pace and feel in control and not like I was overreaching and I didn't feel that even at these races so that's a win. It makes me exciting to keep reaching and see how this keeps going this block.

Reminder: it is week one. 😅

I'm jumping into this well after July 12th, but I think the long run the next day went well.

I See Trees of Green

And here we are: marathon training block. I think this is my eighth block, third with a coach. Each time is a little different and I go into each with different goals and this one is no different but I think I may be. 

For one, this is one of the biggest breaks between marathons other than the COVID years. I ended last year on a real low with everything including running and it took me a long time to feel motivated to try again. I am also older and, for once, am starting to recognize what that means in running and life. Perhaps it’s the perimenopause that I think I’m starting or just wisdom but it’s there and it’s changed some of my perspective. 

For this block I am hopeful for a PR but that may not be a BQ. I’m coming to terms with that although am not quite ready to give it all up. But I’m trying to focus on keeping the love of running alive in me and the drive to get out there. That drive used to come with the hard work and how much I could improve but I may be at a place in my life where those improvements are behind me. And that’s life. And okay. So I need to find another reason to get out there and, in that vein, I need running to be a joy and not a chore. 

Last year, at times, it felt like a chore and something I had to fight for and through. I don’t have that in me now and I don’t want that. I want going out to run to be easy even if I challenge myself on the run. 

So far I’ve found 2026 to be like that. I haven’t had my best races, in fact some of my worst, but I’m enjoying the day-to-day and am still looking forward to seeing what I can do which is something. 

I’ll have some race recaps (mostly my nearly dying) soon.  

This is My Island in the Sun

After a week in the Azores, we're back stateside just in time to start marathon training and just in time for a massive heat wave. Or I heard it's called a heat dome, maybe? Who knows, but I feel like this is The Sign for me that it's time to step-up. There is no way I can run after work in the weather that is coming. Heck, there's a chance I won't be able to run in the morning either, but it's a much better shot. So, here we go...

It is also worth noting that the return from vacation is always rough. For me, some of it is the loss of no more work, but more of it is the recovery from the travel and knowing what waits at work for the catch-up. I do love to take vacations, but sometimes I feel like the whack it causes to your routine can be trying. But what a first world problem. I am lucky enough to have the time and money to be able to take these trips.

So You Dreamt of Being a Pilot

I'm still in the in-between training blocks, but quickly coming up on the start of the new marathon build. I've signed up for the Maine Marathon October 3rd so that's the goal. The husband is running Chicago the week after and I think, for me, I need to be before or well after. For now this is the goal with some possibility of switching to something a bit later if things progress differently.

During this period, I am looking to get into a groove and find/keep joy in running and light training. I'm trying to do some work in the AM especially as summer creeps more and more present these days. I am also trying to not get uber-annoyed with the summer weather and, instead, embrace it and hope it assist in the fall. 

Which will also hopefully be cooler...

Overall things are going well. The runs feel good, a bit slower than usual, but that's okay. I still have some legs issues here and there but I'm trying to be more proactive to varying success. All in all, I'm using the in-between as set-up and I think it's going well.

I look forward to starting the block with its speed work and increase in mileage. I hope to run some of those harder efforts with the husband which will hopefully prevent the little fits of last block. I'm optimistic and that's kind of a fun place to be especially because I feel like some of the optimism is about the block and not the result. 

As I live this in-between, I am also trying to be aware of the fact that my goal may be different than it has been for years. There may not be a BQ at the current time in my future and I need to find a way to keep the motivation high and the I've strong. I think I'm building a pretty good foundation with that and, in a lot of ways, listening to Sara Hall's book really helped in that regard.

She aimed big so many times and she often missed out on the big goal of the Olympic team. But she was so amazing and successful and that one miss shouldn't define her to herself or anyone else. And that's for someone whose job is the sport. For someone like me it makes even less sense to be defined by what I didn't do instead of what I did in running.

So, that's my goal: to fall in love with the sport once again and the block and just... see what happens. We'll see how well I stick to that as things progress since it is easy to say that when I'm just sort of putzing around, but I'm also optimistic in that.

Barns and Blossom Recap

Overall, I’m gonna say that this was probably a B to a B minus day. My A goal was to run a 1:43, acknowledging that was right on the cusp of what I think was possible. My B goal was under a 1:45 which I use as a benchmark for how my overall progress is going and what might be possible for the future. My C goal was to have a race that I felt proud of even if the time wasn’t there. 

I was really excited about the hotel stay and, in a way that makes perfect sense, it was not great. The place was fine and I was able to get dinner, a shower and relax, but I had an awful sleep. I’m not sure if that’s because of a pending race or being in a hotel, but man I’m sick of that. So I woke up annoyed but kept moving forward and was trying not to focus on the bad of the night.

Side note: I need to wake up earlier before races and, therefore, before long runs.

I’m going with a B minus result because, although I did hit my second time goal, the race was pretty hard in the latter half. Like, why I am I out here doing this for fun hard. At my coaches suggestion, my aim was to stay at a 7:50 for those first 6 miles and I really tried to pay attention to doing that and did pretty well. The auto-lapping was not going to plan as the markers seemed off so I was paying more attention during the mile than usual.

Once I got through the first six, I aimed to do the pick up and then for the last three just kind of throw caution to the wind, but the body just wasn’t responding in that way. The route was mostly rolling hills once we got out of what was a slight downhill over the first couple miles and I think those eventually just got to me. I found I wasn’t able to rally as much as I was hoping I was going to be able to. I’m not sure if that’s just still coming back from less training or maybe the fact that the training, while I followed it well I think, for me to move forward from a 1:44-1:45 I need a little bit more. There is also always the fact that perhaps it’s time to shift some goals but that’s an evaluation for another day.

I finished feeling just blah. I got my medal and looked up my age group placement (5th) and then just…left. I felt disappointed again and I didn’t want to feel like that. I grabbed breakfast and, while wanting to hang out and relax, was interrupted mid-breakfast as the hotel didn’t get my late notice so then I just left. 

In chatting with my coach, I think the race wasn’t the loss that I feel like it was but was a measuring stick into how I may be able to set-up my summer. Plus, going into it, I felt like I had a good training block and, while that may not be a PR, having a block I enjoyed and stuck to is a success about a trying fall and winter. 

Unlike Bayshore, this race didn’t knock the motivation from me at least. If anything, it highlighted how important a good block is to a good race. 

What to Dream?

It’s been a while since I’ve felt prepared for a race and I sort of feel that way for this one. The training the last few weeks has sort of clicked and I feel like I’ve gained fitness. I don’t think I’m in PR shape but I also don’t entirely know what shape I am in. And after so many months, almost a year or perhaps even a year, of constantly hoping for that breakout I’m sort of chewing on the idea could this be it?

I guess I want it to be it but I also want to have a good day where I feel like I put it all out there and tried. I don’t know if that means a PR these days but I wanted to feel like if I was interviewed on a podcast I could say I did everything I could in the race.

Did We Do It?

I've had two good weekends of speed work that have helped to boost my confidence in running in general and, in some ways, bring a little joy back to it (probably because of feeling like I can still accomplish maybe something big). Last week I held onto 3x1.5 miles despite having a tummy and head that didn't like me. I think that run and my following long run may have messed up my system a bit, because I did not feel great on Tuesday, but by Wednesday seemed okay. What that meant or means though was five days in a row of running if I wanted to be close to my training plan.

I dialed back some of the easy run distances, because of time and energy, but have so far held on to keeping most mileage. Today I did a progressive HMP workout starting at 10 second more than HMP, HMP and then 10 second faster than HMP. For me I put my goals at 7:50, 7:40 and 7:30. I tend to talk myself out of progressive runnings claiming "I'm not good at them" in terms of managing the speed increases and steady-state, but today I tried really hard not to follow that narrative.

My splits were: 7:52, 7:52, 7:36, 7:41, 7:33, 7:32 so turns out I can manage my paces if I focus. I think some of that is having had a coach for almost while and having better management of prescribed paces in workouts. I felt overall pretty good during this run. By the end, I was glad to be done and I'm not sure a 7:30 half marathon pace is there for me which was also a far reaching goal, but there is a little excitement there about what I could maybe pull off. I'd LOVE a 1:39:59 and losing the "4" before my half marathon pace, but I think that's still a stretch. For now, I'm thinking between a 1:40-1:45 but closer to the 1:45. You never know and we'll see how I feel, how the weather is and what the course shapes up to be, but there is that lilt trickle of "hmm maybe I can pull something off".

Marathon Monday

As each year passes and Marathon Monday comes around again, I keep thinking about how much I’d like to be out there, but also how maybe this isn’t for me. I won’t give up on the dream of running it by qualifying, but it seems like something that is a bit out of reach. I will say that Marathon Monday was what made me want to run a marathon. I still can remember running after watching it in … 2009? And thinking, yes I can run one of those. I can remember how blissful that run felt. And it may have taken a few years, but I did run one. And then another and another and so on.

It is hard not to feel the desire and the wish for Boston, but I think there is much I can be proud of in my running even if that never happens. I’ll keep striving to run my best races, because I think I can still do that, but I’ll recognize that my best may not be enough which is overall okay. I wish it meant something else but that’s okay. If I can keep putting myself on the start line and keep trying as I age, maybe that’s enough.

Reframing

Every althelete, not matter what level, knows the day will come when there are no longer chasing PRs not due to the lack of want, desire or drive, but due to age. It's not a fun thought to consider and, I expect, not a fun one to live and I find myself wondering if I'm reaching that age or getting close to it.

I think that I never tested myself in the marathon until recently so I think, in some ways, I may not be at the end of a PR stage yet although perhaps because I missed what my prime may be. That is something I'll never know so no reason to consider it. I do wonder, though, if this idea of a PR or, heaven forbid, a BQ is something that is out of my grasp now. 

I hope not and I'm not sure if I'm giving up the ghost just yet, but the idea is there. I had a hard and disappointing workout today. Perhaps it is because I am not fit enough yet or perhaps it is that I am not fit for those number any longer. I am not sure and haven't decided what to think, but the thought it there and it was there during the run.

I kept thinking/wondering if this was my new normal. If these hard paces, once not as hard, we my limit now. I suppose if the work is still there and the effort is still there, that is all a good thing, but I'd like to think I may be able to toe the line and hit something quicker than before still.

We shall see. For now, I'll try to keep pushing and hope that finish line will come quicker than expected.

A Good Day

​Today was a good run. 

I don’t know if it was figuring a (maybe better) breakfast (sour dough ftw) or some fueling or just improvement in fitness, but it was nice to hard a run that just … happening. 

I’m hopeful keep this positivity with me going forward through this remaining half training plan and then… 

And then…

Into a fall marathon training. 

For the first time in a while my mindset is a little bit of:

Let’s go.  

Tale as Old As Time

There's not much to report about my running last week and that's not the worst thing. I'm in a small in-between, post-race but pre-race that is quicker than usual. I took a run day off last week as the legs were feeling tired and I had some swelling in my left knee, but that seems to have alleviated and wasn't any worse after the 8 miler yesterday. I'm hopeful that I can pick-up this week and lean into the training before the half in May. After that, we'll have a short rest and then ideally hit up some marathon summer training.

I'm trying to work strength into my routine so come summer it'll be a part of what I do. I know it's not hard, but it's not fun and certainly not something that I want to spend more of my little free time during the week on. But if I want to run healthy and hopefully well, I need to think about the importance of that. As well as the importance of my diet. 

I've had a few too many days where I don't want to run not only because I'm tired, but because I'm hungry. I am working to try and find a balance of food during the work day that fills me and allows me to run at an earlier time than would likely make sense if I had an earlier lunch. So far that's a work in progress being that I am still quite full from my 1pm lunch today.

All in all, I'm just trying to find some rhythm again and, in some ways, maybe for the first time in a long time. That is sort of exciting, isn't it?

Where the Concrete Meets the Water

Eastern States was, in two words, not fun. Some other words that may work include: windy, cold, snowy/rainy/sleety, hard, suffer-fest, done.

I went into this run looking forward to a good race. Not necessarily in time because I am still working myself back into fitness, but in terms of the mental game. I feel a little bit more like myself with running these days and it has a little bit more joy in it. As I've posted before, some of this has to do with a real difficult 2025 at various times, a rut with running due to injury and winter. As all these things melt away way a bit, there is a little sunshine coming back to my daily runs.

So, I was ready for a race where I could put my brain to work and see what my body could do when I ran smart and interested. Eastern States, or perhaps New England weather, said "nah".

From the start, when the sleet came through at the line, I was worried. I am not the best at cold running and sometimes can find myself real cold and unable to warm-up. That concern, although I was relatively properly dressed, stayed with me well into the first few miles. I wasn't actually cold, my legs were a bit but working fine, but I just kept thinking "what if". What if I get too cold? When can I leave the course? How do I leave the course? What are the signs of something going bad? All this kept circling in my head even while I ran.

It was a head down type of run to mostly due to the wind and rain hitting you in the face and also because it was just a get through it type of day. While I had mini panics about how wrong something could go, I also kept saying how strong I was to be out there fighting for something that, honestly, carries little significance in my life other than as a hobby. I also did not do well with fuel or water intake, the misery of the run causing the lack of focus and desire for either.

I gave into music probably around mile 7 or 8 and the splits there show why I did and why I needed to do it. I had another hard spell at miles 10/11 although, in retrospect, I thinking a lot of that was the head wind. I found some people to work beside and that was nice even if no one was really enjoying it all that much. It was really inspiring, though, to see the friend/coach who was pacing their runner and how hard they both worked in different ways. I hope they reached their goal.

Afterwards, I actually feel okay about it all. I'm not really disappointed but I wouldn't say that I'm proud either. I did fight through the day, but I didn't fight that much other than to the finish line. I do feel ready to focus on training and to also focus more roundly on it, including strength, food and fuel. I have some plans for fuel I'd like to try and hope they are good for the stomach. I have some idea of how I can work in even the most basic strength. And food will always be a learning experience.

Up next is a half marathon May 9th and then it will be some rest, some of the local shorter races, and gearing up for a fall marathon. I'm hopeful that I can keep this will strong and see what I can do this year.

Be Curious

I’m looking to approach this Eastern States (half marathon edition) with positivity and curiosity. It’s been a while since I’ve done a race that I didn’t have some internal pressure on myself. The half from last fall was sort of wooes-me run. It was just a survive because you signed up for it, the training was a bear, and I was too stubborn to call it. Bayshore marathon earlier in 2025 obviously had plenty of pressure and disappointment associated with it. The shorter races in the summer don’t carry much expectation with them and are always a “let’s see” race. 

In 2024 Newport was a big leap for me with hiring a coach and trying to make up for Providence and prove that was a fluke. The half in the fall was a let’s see and it went well but I still had the PR goal hanging over it (which I got). 
For this run, I think I’m excited and looking forward to see how it goes. I have some goals in terms of how I want to run it but nothing with a time really associated with it. I’ve slowly been getting my training a bit more under wraps and in a place where I’m seeing progress and seeing a little bit of that potential that I’ve had over the past two years. It’s nice and I know that I should treat this block as a way of finding myself and my running and joy again
The run tomorrow is just one more time to celebrate that I am able to be out there with other people doing something that has, most of the time, brought joy. I’m still hopeful I’ll have another swing at a half later in the spring and then I am even more hopeful, I’ll be hungry for something in the fall.

DSL

We are almost to day light savings time and getting back that end of the day sunlight. It's such a change in the mood for me during this time. I don't really mind the cold of winter or the snow or storms. This year they were a bit more stressful with our house, but we seemed to have survived. With the cold and snow, I can keep myself inside, workout on the treadmill, and go outside if I feel like it on the weekends.

But the loss of the sunlight in November is what hits me hard. It makes the days feel never-ending in a weird way. Wake-up in the dark, go home in the dark. Rinse and repeat. 

I lose a lot of my freedom outside with the loss of light too. We live in an area where I'd have to drive if I want to run outside after work and, really, that I don't have the energy for that. That would all be okay (see previous paragraph about how I can manage the tread) but with the husband always at home, there is a lose of alone time. It's all so rushed in a way when it's on the tread and noisy. It feels confining during the week that has little to do with the weather. Once we spring back, it feels like taking a deep breath. There is still winter, and in recent years, storms, but there is hope and space.

I think right now that's what I really need: hope. Just a little something that shines light around everything and everyone. Winters are hard and this winter felt and feels particularly hard. I think life feels heavy. Perhaps with the end of the dark days literally, there will be some light days figuratively. 

Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

I managed to get a long run done outside on Sunday before another storm rolled through. It was the same route as last week, plus a mile and went so much better. I think some of that was due to the cold that occupied most of my thoughts for the first two miles, including the making deals with oneself that I'll go so far and turn around, but once you get to the turn around point you're finally warm and in a groove. 

The pace was quicker too although I hadn't made that a goal. I felt overall pretty strong and like some of the fitness that I've lost, but had in my back pocket is coming back around. It's a positive feeling and I hope that it continues throughout the rest of this spring and will remain somewhat present during the summer when the "real" work begins (or so I hope).

Then we go walloped (although not as bad as some places) with more snow. Yesterday was a very lazy day, one of those where you sort of wonder if you're in a mild depression, but with the crazy wind and snow, I think there was a better reason for the laze. I did a short bike ride because I'm still trying to add that in and it was dull, but I was watching some TV so not the worst. Today, because of work closures, I was able to do a mid-day seven miles which was just lovely. I forget how nice running is when you are shoving it in at the end of a busy day. The four days off of work, without travel, have been nice and it'll be a real reality hit tomorrow when everything is rushing for three days but so it goes.

For right now, I'm happy and that's what matters.

Getting Back Some Joy

Last year was really not a great year. It wasn’t awful, but it had a number of low points and stressful times, more so than other years. Those moments and, I think, me pushing through those times, took a lot of my joy away from running. And running less than joyfully didn’t give me the stress relief I wanted it to give me. And so it was a vicious circle. 

Many of the stresses still remain: the house and work namely, and some low points linger, the loss of our pup and the disappointment of Bayshore, but those lessen with time. So I’m looking to find some of my joy back in running and, in some ways, it’s slowly coming around. 

I’ve started to move past my leg and back, now knowing it may just be “one of those things”, and looking to challenge myself a bit. I’ve felt small fitness increases and, with those, some ease with some of my runs. I’m trying to remember why I run and want to run and race. Honestly, the Olympics help a lot with that. 

All of this I suppose is just acknowledging different seasons in running and embracing all of them for what they are. 

Circled

​In a way, I guess I just full circled myself. 

After taking many months off or limited exercise while trying to figure out what was going on with my back, turns out that my back is just me being old. I’m still not 100% sure if I think that’s the outcome but post MRI I guess I’m just going to try and focus on proper nutrition recovery, and easing back into running. 

The spring is looking different than it has in many years. I’ll probably end up doing 2/2 marathon or that is the goal. No Marathon for me. It’s a little bit nice not to have the long runs during winter, especially with the winter that we’ve had, but it’s also kind of weird. Because of that, I think the goal is then shifting to do a fall or early winter full marathon. My husband is doing Chicago, so trying to line up the training between the two of us, but we will see.

I’m still trying to find some of the excitement and our motivation for running. It’s coming back incrementally which is nice and I’m hoping that I can just flip my season and have an enjoyable yet hard summer of training.

We’ll see how that goes.

I’m also trying to still make the switch to work out in the mornings during the week. I’m an endless broken record about that, but I am just finding getting home at night later and not having the motivation to run. Abstinent being something to do with my iron or energy levels I think it just is how my life has shifted. Ideally, I’ll be able to motivate myself for the half marathon because the runs are longer to get up and go in the morning. 

As someone said, it’s a muscle you have to train it like anything else so we shall see. 

December 28th-January 3rd

I'm not in anything official yet and, honestly, not sure what early 2026 is going to look like to then shape up the rest of 2026. For now, I'm trying to focus on getting healthy both post-whatever-flu-cold-illness I've had for a week and whatever is happening with the back/hip. Then I guess I'll assess some goals. Really, the biggest one right now is to get back on track and excited for working out again. It's been a long time since I felt a spark and I'm hoping maybe putting some more intention into working out will help. So I'll try to log again and see where I'm at.

December 28th: I was feeling a bit better but not great so went for a walk/run on the tread. Not the best but got in 2.28 miles which was the most in far too long.

December 29th: Nada. The work day crushed me and I went to be at 8pm.

December 30th: Birthday dinner and bed at 8:30pm.

December 31st: NYE and, we'll say, I was preserving my energy.

January 1st: Feeling finally better and figured I'd give it an easy go. Around 2.50-3miles on the tread at a low and slow speed watching some YouTube.

January 2nd: I think I'm just still lingering in my tired-state. I'm hopeful a day off from everything will just help and tomorrow and moving forward will finally feel normal.

January 3rd: I got myself to the gym and ellipticaled for about 35 minutes and did some closed circuit legs (press - double and single legged and ab and ad ducters). Not yet feeling the groove but trying. 

Never the Same

​In all honesty, 2025 was meh to blah to awful. It was a lot of work for little success. It was a lot of loss with little gain. It was a year that I felt stuck, still do in some ways, with constant attempts to unstick but with limited success. It was a lot of stress and stressors and discomfort. I felt like, especially in the fall, that I could never get ahead and was always falling short. I kind of then just gave in and gave up to trying to fight against the constant pull in all directions.

And then there was the dog.

The loss of the pup is what really colors the whole year. It’s just a hole that won’t ever be filled and make 2025 bleak and sad. 

I’m not really in a place to say or wish for 2026 to be better. Not because I don’t want it to be but because none of the big loss will ever be okay. 2026 won’t be better because there’s no pup. It’ll be different and maybe that’s what I can hope for and focus on. 

For now, I still carry my sadness and loneliness. I will for a long while but I’m trying to carrying some other things. Some motivation. Excitement for maybe some what ifs. So dedication to answers. Some hope that I can find that spark.

For now, I focused on getting some easy miles in this am and an x-ray tomorrow. It’s going to be the little things in these first weeks and, hopefully, will paint the scene for the year.