Hard Days

This is one of those harder days. I don’t feel like I need to sit down and burst into tears*, but there is a silent sadness that is following me. 

This would’ve been a day where the pup and I would have slowly woken up in the morning. Just the two of us. Potentially he would have been in the bed and we would’ve had some morning pets and the ability to hang out and just be the two of us. There would’ve been food, and attempt to go outside multiple times, and just a slow existence between us. I would’ve been in my chair, reading and scrolling the Internet. He would’ve been in his bed probably asleep or snuggling under blankets looking outside. He would wake and smell for me and then rest again.  Perhaps he would’ve barked at Mr. Brooks who I saw earlier in the day. And we would’ve been around each other‘s orbit all day. Just the two of us hanging out. 

I probably would have gone for a run, but likely I would have stayed inside because I wouldn’t want to venture too far. The reason for not wanting to venture too far would’ve been twofold. One, I was very cognizant of trying to spend our time together, but I also didn’t want to come back to messes. I probably would’ve stepped out and run some errands, came home and cleaned up after him, been a little bit frustrated about that perhaps let him know that perhaps I wouldn’t have. It just would have been a day that we were together in our little family that we formed over the years just the two of us, even when there were three of us. 

Today is a hard day because life is going on and it’s going on in a different way. I am going to step out and go to a gym that I just joined because I’m able to join it now. I’m going to be gone for probably a couple hours and there will be no one to come home too. There will be no messes. But there will also be no tail wag and there will be no Joy at seeing me. I truly miss the little guy, even while my life in some ways is easier. Easier doesn’t mean that it is better and I also really miss the way things used to be. 

Today is a sad day.

*I had my hard cry in the car. The kind that makes you hurt in a physical way. And nothing changed.