At the End of the Day

Two posts! 

Here’s the Hyannis breakdown because racing season is here! Going into Hyannis we knew the weather was going to be wet and windy and it did not disappoint. I have actually been very lucky with race weather and truthfully I don’t think I’ve raced in rain before (shocking I know. I HAVE played lots is frisbee in it though). 

Anyhow I went in hoping for a 1:45-1:50 because I’ve not really done sped other than OT and I had my knee stuff happening (see previous post). There is ALWAYS the hope of a PR but I know not every race can be done despite 2018. So the weather was like 40, real feel 30 something and it was pouring. I wore a poncho for 11 miles and still got soaked through to my base layer. 

 Sidenote: I don’t actually have a rainproof or even resistant rain coat. I ordered one on Amazon last night... 

The end result of my windy, wet and, at times hilarious, half was 1:45:25. Not to shabby! Third best in my half career and here’s the thing: I had some moments of “oh UGH this needs to stop; I’m not gonna make it” BUT those passed and, with my time, I can actually see a 1:40 somewhere on my horizon. That’s a nice feeling because I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. 

It makes me excited for the future races. I’m still not sure what Providence will bring or if I’m going to up my training, but I like the feeling of there’s still more in me.

Got Your Number

Here’s a good moral: don’t do like I do. 

As previously posted, I’ve been battling with a knee issue that seemed to have come out of nowhere. I took some time off (very little but still - count it!) and I also changed my shoes. Now, about two week from the knee change, no more pain (or we’ll... just the normal pain I have post two knee surgeries). I didn’t do the right thing really; I barely took time off and blamed something else BUT I did begin to stretch more. If anything, because of the quickness and randomness of this pain, it has reminded me (again) to not take my body for granted. I need to remember that I’m abusing my body every day and to consider that when I rest. I need to think more about recovery and stretching. 2019 is just starting and I have to races in my radar - it’s time to remember I’m not necessarily going to bounce back only because I want to. 

This is where my draft ended and I kind of what to pick up right there without deleting it for two reasons. 

The first is that I didn’t post that previously because it was missing something and I realized what it was about a week ago. It was missing the OTHER reason pain sucks. There is the unknown of what is it, will it get better, when will it gets better, etc. But the other part, that part I am so familiar with after two surgeries is how unlike yourself you feel when in pain. I’ve had this to an extreme where I didn’t run for almost a year. I also have it kind of constant but with varying degrees of discomfort. 

When something like my above-mentioned paincomes up it sucks because I dislike myself and how I feel. I don’t feel Whole for so many reasons. I feel like a stranger who is just trying to get by either through force or will or denial neither of which make me feel anymore myself. It makes me feel a little lost and a little like a walking excuse. It makes me change how I go about things in a way I really don’t like. Pain takes so much and, when it is gone or back to normal (whatever that may be) it is amazing how much brighter everything is. Unless you’ve gone through it, it’s hard to explain but that first time you wake up and walk and realize you changed nothing is pure magic and joy. 

Thankfully I’ve got some of that magic back and the pain has subsided. I’m back to normal somewhat but will be trying to address the source of the pain through stretching and even a massage (yessssssss). Pain is humbling and it helps to remember that and to try and avoid it as best you can.

I’m a Warrior

This post was written back in the summer, but I never put it up. Hearing a song made me recall it and finally post it.

This weekend, though, I couldn’t help but think of Mollie Tibbetts. I only know the story from the press and there is nothing more unique about her story then the other ones I’ve heard (or the countless that we haven’t heard). I know she likely wasn’t the only runner, female or male, attacked that day and possibly killed but her story is the one we hear now and is the one making people take pause.

As I ran today, I thought about how I, or any of my friends, could have been or could be Mollie. I did not run on July 18th but I ran four days that week. I’ve run at 5:30am and 7pm at night. I’ve run local loops and new adventure loops. I’ve run in sun, rain and snow. I’ve run with a phone and without a phone. I’ve run in long pants and short shorts. Tank tops and long sleeve shirts. And never have I been afraid when I went out the front door.

With Mollie’s story (or more locally Vanessa Marcotte’s) there becomes a wave of fear within the running world, especially for female runners. I do not think this fear is unwarranted and that makes me so angry. I’m mad because runner’s change their paths because of these crimes. Runner’s change their clothes. They carry mace. They shorten runs or, worse of all, skip runs all together. Something that is supposed to bring joy and health brings fear and pain.

This weekend I thought long and hard about what this means to me as a runner and how it impacts me. As I ran I realized that I am refusing to be afraid right now. I will run because I can and because I can defy those who pray on runner’s because of their vulnerability. I will be cautious because I should be, but I will run because that is all that Mollie, Vanessa and all those whose names I don’t know wanted to do: they wanted to run because it was something they loved and needed just as it is for me.

It is not fair what happened and there is no sense in these stories. Everyone should be able to lace up theirs shoes and enjoy a mile or ten without fear of attack or death. And so I encourage all my friends, male and female, to go and take a run because it is something powerful and beautiful and should not be held captive by fear and hate. 

Young But Not That Bold

it’s been a while since I’ve dealt with an injury that I feel I need to take actual time off. The last time was two years ago post Lei-Out when I thought I had done damage to my new ACL. (I hadn’t). I’ve had little things here and there but I’ve kept at it and pushed through.

I’m now two-ish weeks into knee pain with five days of no running and only limited gym time.  I’m not sure what I did, although I don’t think it’s something worse than inflammation and/or over use but it’s frustrating. I’m worried about the next 3-4 months with the various races I have planned. I’m trying to have patience but it’s hard because... I’m me. It’s hard for me not to workout and, really, to work out hard. I miss that feeling and I can feel myself wah-wahing a bit in life.

I did do OT this am and, while it hurt some during the process, this afternoon it’s no worse than before. I soaked in a bath and am trying Icy Hot. For some reason straight ice hasn’t helped this far. I’m trying to focus on stretching and, assuming I’m coming back and gearing up for Hyannis, I’ll need to keep an eye on how I feel and ease back into this.

I try to always remember that a rest time isn’t an end game decision. There will be more time to come back and figure things out.