Staying Focused*

I am trying to remain hopeful and positive during this time like everyone else. I have began to feel that to do so I need to embrace the running again. I mean, when else will I work from home and have the laziness *physically) from a job that usually has me on my feet for five miles (in heels a lot of the time)? There is not a lot of excess energy to go around I feel, but that is mental battle. How better to fight than to push through and take it back? I am not sure I will always be successful, but I am trying. And I am trying to give myself the tools to make a real go at this including streaming running audio and trying to stretch and do yoga. We may be drowning in many (and different) ways, but we are all here and sometimes it helps to be reminded of that. *I think I gave up on trying to have every post be a song title. What can I say, I'm maturing...? (lazy?)

Training Week April 19th - April 25th

Sunday, 4/19: Long run day. Funny how much shorter these long runs seem to have gotten. But I went out, did my 7 and held my own. Felt pretty good overall and steady pace. I could afford to slow down some, I think, but I still don't know if I call 7 a long run. I am hoping next week to up that mileage to the typical 8 that usually follows 7. Monday, 4/20: Although it is Marathon Monday, there is not marathon this year. It is a weird thing, but there are many weird things these days. Even though it was only 7, I do keep with the day "off" approach and did an easy recovery Peloton which felt like enough. Tuesday, 4/21: Ugh. Weather. Jumped on the bike which was fun (lady Gaga ride) even though it cleared up pretty nicely at the end of the ride so I could have waited and ran. Sounds about right. Wednesday, 4/22: I had waited all day to see if I would run. It's been bad weather (see Tuesday) and today was super windy but I finally bit the bullet and went out. Luckily the route I went was more of a crosswind and only a head wind for a small part. It was good to get out and thankfully not as much work as I thought it would be. Thursday, 4/23: I decided it would be interesting to try the Peloton run app and see what I thought. I grabbed a Fun Run which had some accelerations in it but nothing crazy. I enjoyed the music even if I didn't know all of it and the encouragement was not unwanted. I planned 5 but without having a Garmin my FitBit wasn't synced to my GPS so it was more like 5.5 miles because I wanted to be safe rather than sorry. Friday, 4/24: I thought about skipping today but glad I didn't. The Banger ride was the burst of energy that I needed at the end of the week and it had me smiling. Saturday, 4/25: Today was long run day because tomorrow's weather will be, not surprising, crappy again. I decided that I needed to embrace my running again last weekend and signed up for a virtual half that needs to be ran in May. You can do it in multiple runs, but I want to try for the whole distance as a race. To do that, you need to, you know, run more. So today was a long run day. I liked the Peloton running app so decided to give it a go for a longer distance. I was not super prepared (physically) for the paces to hit but it also wasn't entirely out of my ability to handle so it's not all bad news. I enjoy the voice encouraging me and, so far, I don't find it annoying.

In Every Job that Must be Done

I am currently 60 pages into The Happy Runner and just finished the chapter where the authors ask you to examine your Why for running. I thought this would be a good time for such self-assessment given... well you know... everything. I have managed to keep up running over this last month although it tapered off significantly. It wasn't something that I was finding peace in and, even for a while, it caused more stress. I believe (read: hope) that has passed as I continued to log less miles, but still log miles. I have attempts to remain in tune with it and with myself which is why I finally picked up this book after having it for a few months. I figure now it a perfect time to find out how to be, or continue to be perhaps, a happy runner. So, looking at the end of that chapter it asks four questions: 1. Why do I run at all? 2. Why do I run each day? 3. Why am I racing at all? 4. Why do I have as my long-term goals? And here I go: WHY DO I RUN AT ALL? At first it was because it brought me a sense of peace that I was unable to find any other way. It made me feel better, even for a moment, stronger and resilient (or at least feel that way since I still cried all.the.time). It also made me forget. I think, for me, the question morphs into why did I continue to run? It was something that allowed me escape and release but the heartbreak that brought forward that need dimmed with time and yet I kept running. And I think the reason I did was because it became a part of who I am and made me feel better about who that person was. I run because I enjoy how it makes me feel both inside and out. I run because of how it makes me feel about life even at its worse. WHY DO I RUN EACH DAY? Well, first off. Not each day, because that is insane, but why do I run each week and keep a log? Because I feel accomplished and because I feel like it a task to look forward to in days that have so many other tasks. It is something that will lighten me after the worst of day and be the glimmer of normalcy and accomplishments on days when I maybe feel both of those things or maybe feel none of those things. It is something that I look forward to and something that brings me quiet (even with music). WHY AM I RACING AT ALL? I think this is one where I get a little tied up in the self-serving part that the authors try to get the runner out of, but so it goes. No one is perfect! I race because it makes me feel good and proud. Even worst races have that little kick at the end of happiness (even if it fades with disappointment; read : Baystate 2018). I also race because I do like the community although there is a voice in me that also likes it because I am one of the best in my little community. Not the greatest of reasons but true. I also race because it givers some structure to the weeks in and out. Perhaps I should run only for the process, but I like the process if have an aim or goal. WHAT DO I HAVE AS MY LONG-TERM GOALS? As always there is Boston and chasing that BQ. I am not 100% sure how much weight that holds to me now. There was a part of me that did like Providence just for Providence and wanting to focus on that again. I guess, right now, I'm not sure so I'll make my goal a little more pandemic related: I want to get out there and stay out there and keep the miles under my feet. Once some of NOW because THEN I will re-evaluate, but I think long-term means something else entirely.

When We Were Young

Typed in March, post in April unedited. Like many people, I have good days and bad days. Recently, what is considered a good v. bad day has changed a bit. And yesterday was a bad day. Not a Bad Day or even BAD DAY, but bad day still. There is a base-line anxiety in everything that happens it seems and I am not immune from that. Sometimes it rises up more than expected or is harder to push back down that is expected. Yesterday, I did a shorter run than my training plan called for, but I've already anticipated that I'm cancelling the marathon if it isn't cancelled for us. So, that was okay. The run... meh not so much. It wasn't awful but it was a lot of work and, throughout the day, took more and more out of me until, by the end I was just kind of toast. Right now is not a time that one wants to feel toasted. Because, in my little brain of brains, toasted me sickness and sickness means something else entirely. As I was falling asleep though, I realized that I didn't want to feel that way (not that anyone does I think...). So I thought why not just NOT feel that way. Focus on the good. Focus on the next things. Focus on what you can control. I am not sure how successful I will be at this, but I'm going to try because... what else can I do?