In Every Job that Must be Done

I am currently 60 pages into The Happy Runner and just finished the chapter where the authors ask you to examine your Why for running. I thought this would be a good time for such self-assessment given... well you know... everything. I have managed to keep up running over this last month although it tapered off significantly. It wasn't something that I was finding peace in and, even for a while, it caused more stress. I believe (read: hope) that has passed as I continued to log less miles, but still log miles. I have attempts to remain in tune with it and with myself which is why I finally picked up this book after having it for a few months. I figure now it a perfect time to find out how to be, or continue to be perhaps, a happy runner. So, looking at the end of that chapter it asks four questions: 1. Why do I run at all? 2. Why do I run each day? 3. Why am I racing at all? 4. Why do I have as my long-term goals? And here I go: WHY DO I RUN AT ALL? At first it was because it brought me a sense of peace that I was unable to find any other way. It made me feel better, even for a moment, stronger and resilient (or at least feel that way since I still cried all.the.time). It also made me forget. I think, for me, the question morphs into why did I continue to run? It was something that allowed me escape and release but the heartbreak that brought forward that need dimmed with time and yet I kept running. And I think the reason I did was because it became a part of who I am and made me feel better about who that person was. I run because I enjoy how it makes me feel both inside and out. I run because of how it makes me feel about life even at its worse. WHY DO I RUN EACH DAY? Well, first off. Not each day, because that is insane, but why do I run each week and keep a log? Because I feel accomplished and because I feel like it a task to look forward to in days that have so many other tasks. It is something that will lighten me after the worst of day and be the glimmer of normalcy and accomplishments on days when I maybe feel both of those things or maybe feel none of those things. It is something that I look forward to and something that brings me quiet (even with music). WHY AM I RACING AT ALL? I think this is one where I get a little tied up in the self-serving part that the authors try to get the runner out of, but so it goes. No one is perfect! I race because it makes me feel good and proud. Even worst races have that little kick at the end of happiness (even if it fades with disappointment; read : Baystate 2018). I also race because I do like the community although there is a voice in me that also likes it because I am one of the best in my little community. Not the greatest of reasons but true. I also race because it givers some structure to the weeks in and out. Perhaps I should run only for the process, but I like the process if have an aim or goal. WHAT DO I HAVE AS MY LONG-TERM GOALS? As always there is Boston and chasing that BQ. I am not 100% sure how much weight that holds to me now. There was a part of me that did like Providence just for Providence and wanting to focus on that again. I guess, right now, I'm not sure so I'll make my goal a little more pandemic related: I want to get out there and stay out there and keep the miles under my feet. Once some of NOW because THEN I will re-evaluate, but I think long-term means something else entirely.