It's Me, Hi

These past two weeks have no been the best in terms of my training. I've had a hard time finding motivation, which I posted about already and it continued into this week. This week I also had some GI distress 1.5 miles into a run which had me quickly coming back home and only getting in three. The unease carried through to the next day which, I think, was maybe sort of a food poisoning but not entirely if that makes sense. I then got back into a small swing with 4 miles and Friday was going to be a tempo (7 miles) but... nope. 

I did get in four and planned for the 7 miles today. I woke up after a good sleep, got ready and just... didn't go. I had no desire to try to run, no drive, and I think there's a part of me that is tried of pushing through. 

I have to push through at my job for obvious reasons and, may times, that carries over into running, but not right now. I also know that I have time (although I won't forever) to get into the training so I think I just allow myself to give in to my lack of motivation.

I did get out and do 4 today with a friend which was nice. I ate too close to it for it to be entirely enjoyable, but there were some miles on the legs at least. I'm going to keep giving myself some grace here because, big picture, I don't want to burn myself out and I'd rather have this season be less than ideal to aim for something better in the spring.

*I'm the problem, it's me.

The Fine

This was a hard week for motivation. I pretty much stuck to the treadmill due to the heat and me being stuck in glasses. I think I just sort of zoned out this week and wanted it to be easy which running rarely is. But I stuck to some miles, some tv watching, a some grace. I didn’t get my 800 workout in as I just never felt it, but more importantly, didn’t feel the drive to push through the motivation issue. Coach did add in some speedy in today’s long run which went… okay. 

Luckily she prescribed MP and not HMP so I held it at 7:47, 7:53, 8:00 and 8:06. I did need to stop and regroup (aka have a small fit) so the paces are not reflective of the real time spent so not really a non-stop workout but I’ll take it. I was going to bail entirely on the speed but at least didn’t have *that* much of a fit.

Even though sometimes 
This is hard to tell,
And the fine is 
Just as frustrating as hell,
All will be well.

Will Turn to Gold

I had a local 5k race today and, I've got to say, it went very well. I always hope for something more and to be the person leading the race, but I've come to learn I don't quite have that pace but I can be successful in my own lane.

One of the big goals I've tried to focus on is holding on mentally when things get hard and not stepping off the gas. I've found that I am very capable at talking myself out of keeping on a goal when it gets a little hard and compromising and saying that's okay. This happened a lot during Bayshore when, at like mile 3-4 (or so it felt like, not entirely sure which one it was but was in the first half) when I said it's okay if it's not my day. I even talked to myself about how impressive my training block was with everything that I had to deal with personally and professionally. And, while that is true, that doesn't mean that I couldn't have pushed.

So I've tired to use these shorter races, where things going bad only go bad for so long, as a way to stay on top of my mental game. I've kept telling myself things that "you're okay", "you're not going to die", and "keep pushing" as well as played games of both race announcing in my head and tracking down runners. What I've found is that I've managed to keep on top of my goal for the day and not really let off the gas. 

Today I told myself to run and to hope for a PR (and to potentially break 21:00). I went out real hot, too hot, but I didn't panic. I saw that I was sub-7:00 and then just let off the gas, but kept my form. I chatted with someone quickly and then settled in. I knew there would be runners falling apart with how they started so I said be patient. I settled a little too much at one point and saw a 7:30-7:40 so I mentally shook myself out of that and picked up my form and my pace. I said just hold this and keep striding. I saw a woman I chatted with at the start with 1.5 to go who I could tell I was going faster then so I started my race dialogue and tried to pick it up or at least hold on.

I mostly held on to the pace which was an improvement from last year (knowing the rolling hills and the back half helped) and I didn't catch the woman, but I made up a lot of ground and only ended about 3 seconds behind her. I PRed this course by about a minute and felt strong the whole time. It was a nice result and gave me some hope for a next cycle.

I will say that I got some news which makes the idea of a winter training block seem like a potentially insurmountable task, but I can't get too far ahead of myself just yet.

And I Might Be Okay

I’m feeling pretty tired this week. Not sure if that’s work (probably), hormones (probably), bad sleep (probably), some running ailments (probably), or the training (probably), whatever the cause (all the above) I’m tired. So I kind of set myself up for a hard day heading to a rail trail that has an uphill start because I both wanted the challenge and the excuse. The workout was 3 miles at HMP (7:38) and my splits were 8:00, 7:52, and 7:36. The way out I just kept saying it’s only 1.5 of hard work before the turn and downhill. I also really wanted to stop and instead I just said hold on, you’re fine. It wasn’t the workout I wanted but it was a good character one.

It’s pretty early in this build too so I’m hoping to try this again or something like it in about a month and see how it goes.

I also took an hour nap and feel much better.

*But I’m Not Fine At All.

Another Product of Today

Technically, I guess we could say that the training block has begun for a fall half marathon. We haven’t decided on what race we’re going to do, but it’ll be likely early to mid November given some other activities the husband is doing. Even though I am in the very beginning of a training block, I’m not yet really keeping tabs on the week for blogging purposes. I’ll probably get to that at some point although with a half marathon I’m not entirely sure. I never want to take it for granted that I can do a half marathon, but I will say the training blocks are never quite as intimidating or as intense as they are for a marathon.

i’ve been having the same leg/glute/back issue that I had two years ago. Pretty sure it’s just a flareup of my spine as that was what it was when I had the CT scan done two years ago (“consistent with aging” 🙄). It’s not debilitating, but it is frustrating and makes the runs not pain-free, which is always a little mentally challenging. I really had a hard time this week lacing up because I knew it would hurt and I hate that (not that anyone likes it!). I’ve taken PT a little bit more seriously the past two days and I can tell a small improvement so it’s just a matter of trying to keep on top for my own sake.

This week I really didn’t want to run hills so did two treadmill runs including 3x1 at HMP. It actually went well, paces a little slower than prescribed but only 7:45 to 7:38 so I’m good with that. The long run today was roooooough but I got in the 8-plus I wanted so I won’t complain further.

Fought and Lost

I've slowly started to get back into the swing of more running and, as previously posted, I've had two good short races. But those don't remove the cloud that still hangs over Bayshore. The husband has also done some reflecting it seems and appears to understand how his lack of support didn't make the training cycle goes easily or, perhaps, as planned. I will say that I don't entirely place much blame on the outcome on that or on my work stress. Did those things help? Not in the least. If I didn't have them, would I have reached my goal? Meh, who's to say.

And really, the goal is just a number but having a very challenging training cycle, still showing up and being consistent, was really cool. Just not what I wanted.

But...

We wanted it so bad.
Gave it all we had.
Oh, but wanting it doesn't always make it yours.

So, just because I wanted it and I did work for it, doesn't mean I get it. It doesn't mean that it's a forgone conclusion. Therefore, the question becomes, do I try again?

I finally feel like that answer is yes. Not now or for the fall, but for the spring.

So, we will see you here.
Same time, same place, next year.
And you may win this battle but you'll never win the war.
Better to have fought and lost than never fought at all.

Plans may change as my my mind, but I feel a little bit of that fire starting. And who knows... maybe this time it'll be different.

Boom Boom Boom

The training is slowly ramping up as a fall half is on my radar for likely November. I did my first speed workout which was 8x1min with 1 minute rest. It went well enough and was done on the treadmill because of thunderstorms. I'm looking forward to some focus in the training.

I also had the Harvard 5 miler which was my 5th year doing it and a new one minute PR. I didn't really know what I wanted to do going into it although chasing a PR is always on my mind, but this course has a very tough up hill at mile 2.5. Like, I need to walk up hill. So I wrote to my coach saying that I didn't have a plan other than to just stay focus. And I did!

I kept thinking 1) you're okay and aren't dying and 2) do it for David Roche. Yes, you read that correctly.

David Roche is a running, author and podcaster who just attempted Western States and DNF. He had big goals for it and, on the most recent podcast, went though the feelings of that failure. Not on the same stage, but I've felt all those feelings and sought the redemption from those failures. I don't know why I decided that would be my focus, but it was.

I wanted to walk verrrry badly at one point on the hill, but just as my step slowed I said "no" and kept the soft pace up the hill. It ended up being my fastest time up that hill and I managed an under 7 minute last mile. It wasn't pretty (not sure how those photos will look...) but I did it. I tried to "go hunting" for a woman who I had in my sights for nearly 2 miles, but I never caught her. I did get caught on the last 400 meters by a yung gun flying by but that's okay.

I'e gotta say, I was not expected these two shorter races to go well, but they did. It's nice and exciting and makes the fall goal of breaking 1:40 seem possible.