For a Bitter Time

I’m tying to still figure out how I feel about running. I’m finally back to looking forward to running and getting back on track with training and psushing myself. That being said, I’m not sure where my head is totally at with the idea of trying to BQ again and run a marathon. There’s a part of me that is chomping at the bit to get at it again. Then there’s the part of me that think wth, why?

I think I’m also torn between wanting to that and looking to do new things. I do OT, which yes, is not that different, but it takes up a day of a workout unless I want to do double duty (is that too much? I never know...) but also maybe looking into climbing with the husband. But then I think...

Come on. You’ve got to do this.

I ran the turkey trot that I got second in my age group last year (third this year, but (1) I was in fact hung over and (2) it was like 0 outside so...) and during the race I had that conversation with myself of why I was pushing and to just dial it back. And then I had the OTHER thought of get it together and stop feeling sorry for yourself.

Just. Run. Just. Race.

It’ll be over and you’ll feel so good and cool about it all. Which is where the drive to try again comes from and to push myself to that point of both hate and pride with this sport. So... we shall see.

Maybe, as the opening to this post says...

It’s gonna hurt for a bitter time, so bottles up let’s forget tonight.

And do it tomorrow.

A Mess is Still a Moment

In a turn of events, unsure if I would say surprising or not surprising, after my last past I came down with something fierce. I’m pretty sure it was food poisoning in some fashion but Wednesday around 3am I woke up and changed beds. At 6am I had to call out of work and at 7PM I finally really removed myself from the bed. I ate nothing until two slices of bed and half a cup of soup. My Fitbit, something that I have not walked under 10,000 steps in over a year, registered 678 steps. I have never been that low even post knee surgery (I checked). I don’t know what it was but I know it kicked my butt in a way something hasn’t in a very, very long time. I wonder how much of it may have been my body also just saying STOP after a long hard summer (maybe year) of work. I rested even more and today I finally feel like myself. I’m on an eating schedule that makes sense and may venture to the gym.

The one thing I will say about this is that I’m trying to take the refocus for a good thing. I push hard in much of what I do. I try to get enough sleep and eat enough, but I also have goals and a schedule and want to get things done. Sometimes I think I forget to stop and not worry about what I have to do. Missing my Fitbit goal for two days may not seem like much to someone else, but ther is something nice about it having been out of my reach from the very start of the day. There was no chance I could do it and... that’s okay. It’s a good reminder that sometimes it’s okay to fall short be it in a marathon (wah wah) or in a daily step goal. There’s nothing wrong with just not succeeding in something and it doesn’t matter the reason so long as, when you are able, you refocus.

Uptown Baby

Sometimes you have one of those days where it just seems everything is a little off including your mood. Today was that day and some of it, or most of it, has to do with this transition from light to dark (and no I don’t mean just the election, har har har). This time of year is the hardest for me but it passs. It doesn’t help that it’s also been raining for the last two days and traffic has been awful.

Anyhow.

Work was so so and, if nothing else, was dull. It’s Election Day and I didn’t vote before work so after getting stuck in a parking garage for far too long and rushing to vote, I was not in the mood to then rush to run club in the rain. But I went because I knew I was going to run either inside or out, so hey not.

And what a great decision.

Tonight’s run was one of those runs where everything just clicks. It was a quick pace, running with someone for part and then my own. The weather was different and not too hot or cold (although it was wet). Nothing hurt and nothing felt off really off and when it did feel a little off I could put it aside and keep trucking. It was a happy and free run and just what I needed today.

It was also a bit of what I’ve needed post-Marathon. I don’t feel like I’m in a rut and I am not injured (woo!) but it does take a bit to get your feet back under you. Things do hurt and you are tired plus you just aren’t going as much as you did. It’s like suddenly you hit the brake after doing 90 mph and it takes somet time to shift back into the proper gear. I know this run didn’t suddenly jump start my training again because I don’t really have a plan of what’s next (I have started some thoughts of course) but it felt good and back to my old self.

Dancing in the Moonlight

Keeping with my promise to try and do more happy running blogging, hee I am posting when not really following a training plan. It’s fall here and that means that darkness is creeping in more readily. We are going to turn back our clocks tomorrow which means all post work runs will be in the dark. There are the goods and bads with that in my mind. I get a bit nervous finding my footing using a handheld or headlamp. Of course as the season progresses you get better at this (aside from when it’s rainy or icy...). Also there is the fact that it seems to take just that little bit more effort to get the light and the extra clothing such that you really need to keep focus. But one thing I do like about the dark running is how small you can feel and powerful.

When it’s just your light shining your path, the world is small. Each move is limited by the beam and the noises that you here all around you grow bigger. There is such an unknown element in the dark that it makes it exciting and a little unnerving. And I like that power that comes with night running. Not everyone does it or wants to do it. You are a little more unique during those runs I think and I enjoy that because it shows the world that dark and cold can’t stop you.