Will You Catch Me if I Should Fall?

And hereks how the weekend will close: with a 12 mile run that I managed to keep it together during although I wanted to have it be 15 miles. I did a little over 3 1/2 yesterday and, once done, I sat in my driveway texting a friend feeling sorry for myself. I think that the 20 miler I did last week did more harm than good and I’m really concerned about my preparation and position for Providence. I’d always hoped but somehow this could be another attempt at a Boston qualifier but I also wanted to be realistic with my training and just focus on running a marathon and enjoying the training and some time with friends. I think I can still accomplish that although there is that part of me, that part is so desperately wants her in Boston despite the previous post, but wonders if I can do it. With the last week that I had that wonder part of me has gone out in a tiny little ash. I don’t think my body has it in it to be able to Boston qualifying and I don’t think that I should push it because the end result may be a non-finish. So can I hold myself back and simply run a marathon? I suppose we’ll find out but some part of me, that part sitting on the cement feeling sorry for myself, wishes that it wasn’t so. I wish they had done some more work, had not gotten sick, had just tried a little harder so that the idea of a BQ was a little bit more on my radar. I suppose no one can know how to go and you don’t really know entirely how your training helped you interesting. But I know I didn’t put in the time especially as I did for Baystate in 2018. It was maybe similar to Bay State in 2017 but even though I think that I watched a little bit harder than I did. And like I said I feel like this last week actually said that my training as a post to help a lot. In retrospect I probably should’ve ran less last week I did a longer run, maybe even my last 20 miler like my friend it, this weekend. But hindsight is exactly that and there’s nothing I can do to change what I’ve already done other than to push forward and in some ways hope for the best but focus on reality.

You May Be Right*

I seem to be having a hard couple of weeks. The prior post was actually done almost a month ago but I just put it up there today. That was a time in which I felt that things were a little bit more together in terms of my running. I still don’t feel like I am Kylie off. But there have been some issues lately. 40 in memory concerns I’m going to start backwards. Today I have a head cold which started yesterday. I was supposed to do my speed work and decided to move that to tomorrow, health pending. What that means is I now have an extra day of rest that I had a plan so I am trying to shift around my schedule. I think whatever result in is the proper mileage but that a little bit differently. All that is fine but we are coming on such a crunch time that it makes me a little uncomfortable to deviate it off of the schedule. I have to remember that having certain deviations is OK and nothing is for certain and one missed right especially because of the cold probably won’t change the outcome. Before the cold I had the Boston weekend. I feel like that should be in all caps: BOSTON WEEKEND. It’s hard to summarize it properly but it involved a visit to the vet ER, working six days in a row in which I never woke up past 6 AM it felt like if not actually was accurate. Ready to 20 miler which was Cibilo the worst run I have ever had. And having family members in town which made things very difficult to find peace and quiet. My husband also ran Boston which is wonderful for him but not the easiest pill to swallow for me. I obviously hope that one day I will have my chance there but each year that goes by and each year that I see everyone who does want it I get a little bit disheartened in various ways. It is such an amazing event and people do amazing things either by time standards or money standards but after seeing everyone I do at the expo there’s a part of me that finds I’ve lost some of my luster towards the event. That being said all of that could be attributed to the bitterness I have not yet having reach the standard I want to in order to run it. I think it’s maybe a combination of all things and something that if I ever qualify I will probably have the exact same approach the weekend but from the outside you like to think that it would be different for you. And then before that I was having serious sciatica issues? Hip issues? Leg issue? Hard to say but it was pretty painful and I eventually had to put a hold on my OT for the month. That probably is a good call as I reach taper land but it was a difficult time. The silver lining with that one is it seems to have gotten better. I still have some discomfort but is not what it was. I think I was overworking it and maybe the rowing wasn’t helping especially with all the running I was doing. Yeah let me talk about last weekend 20 miler. I went into it after working the Boston expo which is probably not a great idea because your food intake is totally off and I had a late dinner that was in retrospect and maybe even an presentspect way too rich. The end result was a 20 miler that for the first five I was concerned about but I was riding with someone else for the next three I was even more concerned about but still ride with someone else. The next eight or so I’ve been having more a terrible decision it which I found myself in such distress that I didn’t necessarily know how I was going to get back to a safe place. I eventually did it felt better and thought that I could continue on my way to finish the last five or so miles. That was my 12 mistake? Hundredth mistake? Hard to say. But no matter how you slice it the run took everything out of me and I was entirely beat up. It wasn’t a successful run overall timewise because of how much starting and stopping I did it which I did stop my watch so my Pace looked OK but the overall pace would really have made over a 10 minute mile for the 20. It was my last 20 miler and I’m not sure how much benefit it had. I suppose the one real benefit of it was running when I was entirely done. Had a Nother 6 miles to go I don’t think I would have made it but you never now so maybe there was a benefit despite all the bad decisions that happened. How old is this to be said that with the Boston marathon just happened in the mail marathon coming up I always turn my eyes for looking for that Boston qualifier. I’m not sure I have anything close to it in me but there’s a part of me that thinks I just have to try but then will I ruined my race. Probably. But do I go for anyways? Probably. It’s a hard thing to face when you know that you haven’t done what you needed to do but you still have some of that desire in particularly you know that you probably won’t have another shot this year just given the time and effort that goes into this type of training. My body also is craving of rest and I know I have to do it so even if I felt I just missed the mark I don’t think I could try again this probably need to wait till 2020. It’s hard to say and I still have some time but I just wanted to get out there all the ways in which I feel ill prepared well maybe mentally prepared. *I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic You’ve been looking for. Turn out the light. Don’t try to save me. You may be wrong for all I know You may be right.

Forever Young

I recently ran the eastern states 20 miler. I was using it as my long run, first 20 miler in the books!, So was focused on trying to keep the pace relatively slow and more akin to a long run as a post to a race. I did pretty well with that attempt, running at an 831 pace. It was an OK run over all. I had some mental issues pretty quickly into the run and had a hard time staying focused but I was able to finish it. I can’t tell if I am just sort of burned out with long-distance running or if it was something more to do with the day. Who is to say. Shrug. What I will say is that course is probably one of the prettiest that I’ve run on. It was also a great weather day for that race. This time of year is always tricky and you never know what you’re going to get. Even though I did have a hard time in the race it did go smoothly and it made me appreciate something that is very unique to long-distance runner: I went out and did 20 miles like it was just a typical Sunday. Sure I was pretty tired a little sore and definitely starving but it was something that I was able to do and do with relative ease. There is a lot of history in a lot of work that went into getting me to that point but it is still something that’s pretty awesome and unique. Even as I wander what this next Marathon will bring and if I at all have a chance of qualifying I’m trying to remember how lucky I am to be a part of the sport and to be above average at it. I’m not a professional and I’ll never make money off of it but I am a little bit more talented than your average Joe at it. It’s something that makes me unique and something that I enjoy so even through the long run. Physically demanding or mentally difficult it’s good to remember that this is something that I get to do not something that I have to do.