Will You Catch Me if I Should Fall?

And hereks how the weekend will close: with a 12 mile run that I managed to keep it together during although I wanted to have it be 15 miles. I did a little over 3 1/2 yesterday and, once done, I sat in my driveway texting a friend feeling sorry for myself. I think that the 20 miler I did last week did more harm than good and I’m really concerned about my preparation and position for Providence. I’d always hoped but somehow this could be another attempt at a Boston qualifier but I also wanted to be realistic with my training and just focus on running a marathon and enjoying the training and some time with friends. I think I can still accomplish that although there is that part of me, that part is so desperately wants her in Boston despite the previous post, but wonders if I can do it. With the last week that I had that wonder part of me has gone out in a tiny little ash. I don’t think my body has it in it to be able to Boston qualifying and I don’t think that I should push it because the end result may be a non-finish. So can I hold myself back and simply run a marathon? I suppose we’ll find out but some part of me, that part sitting on the cement feeling sorry for myself, wishes that it wasn’t so. I wish they had done some more work, had not gotten sick, had just tried a little harder so that the idea of a BQ was a little bit more on my radar. I suppose no one can know how to go and you don’t really know entirely how your training helped you interesting. But I know I didn’t put in the time especially as I did for Baystate in 2018. It was maybe similar to Bay State in 2017 but even though I think that I watched a little bit harder than I did. And like I said I feel like this last week actually said that my training as a post to help a lot. In retrospect I probably should’ve ran less last week I did a longer run, maybe even my last 20 miler like my friend it, this weekend. But hindsight is exactly that and there’s nothing I can do to change what I’ve already done other than to push forward and in some ways hope for the best but focus on reality.