It's Not that Deep

For me running is something that I've done very regularly for a long time now. It is something that I enjoy and makes my life complete. It is, overall, something that I am good at as in each run tends to go at least okay. I've kept fitness up over the years to ensure that and it's a nice thing to know that, when I put on my shoes, I will probably have an okay time, if not a good time, on the road. 

There are definitely runs that are better than others and ones that are more frustrating. It's hard, during the frustrating ones, not to get down about the performance or wonder why you are even bothering to be out there if it is just pointless. It's easy to lose some of the joy from the run and focus on the failure that your mind offers up. But, as I began my longer run yesterday and figured I'd face those moments of "why bother", "this isn't going how I want it to go", "etc" I began to try and focus on the reality of what I was doing: I was going for a run. Simple as that. 

I am not a professional running - I do not need to hit certain milestones to ensure I have a job or can make money. There is plently of more important things that are going on in my life than an eight-mile run. The run is what is supposed to be bring focus, peace, relaxation and reprieve. So, why worry about the performance? Why make it in to something more than what it is? Sometimes there just needs to be a reminder that this is just a run and that is okay.

Training Week August 16 - August 22nd

Sunday, August 16th: I felt pretty good post-Falmouth so I decided to just do a low-impact ride to keep things fresh. 

Monday, August 17th: Since the weekend was less full with activities, I thought why not add in a run? So I did. It was good and also was nice to continue to take advantage of the break in the heat. 

Tuesday, August 18th: A semi-speed workout but not entirely. I jumped into the run with Matty Maggiacomo and even the fun runs tends to up the speed a bit even if not focused as a HIIT or interval run. Overall, it was fine and felt good. 

Wednesday, August 19th: I guess I'm just going to keep the speed work up. I did a HIIT ride with Robin. It wasn't bad - HIITs actually aren't my favorite because I someitmes feel like there are a little too out of control with the on-off-on-ff so I don't get a groove going, but I guess maybe there is something positive with that as well...? 

Thursday, August 20th: I WFH'ed and so my eating was super messed up. I knew going out this run was going to hurt as my stomach was already pretty wonky. And I was right. It wasn't quite as bad as I thought (I was able to get the run done) but it certainly was not fun. I suppose it helped that I knew it was going to be blah so I just focused. 

Friday, August 21st: I considered doing nothing and did nothing for a while and then got bored. So I jumped on the bike for a brief (and fun) 15 minute ride to just let off some steam. 

Saturday, August 22nd: I am finding that I think I still enjoy a longer run on Saturday instead of Sunday. It, as I write this on a Sunday, makes the weekend feel more like a weekend. Today I can do what I want because yesterday I worked. It was 8 miles and overall not bad until that last two when the temperature began to rise. I needed to keep focus and really went to the basics (counting my steps) to try and forget about the discomfort and the annoyance and frustration that can come with that. It mostly worked and overall was a pretty good run.

Training Week August 9th - August 15th

Sunday, August 9th: This was not an enjoyable long run, haha. It was too humid and too late. I suffered through the last mile and, in testament to the yuck of it all, the Husband called me to pick him up form his run. Summer running in its finest. 

Monday, August 10th: Day o' Rest. 

Tuesday, August 11th: I jumped on the Peloton for the semi-normal routine of biking and fitting in arms.  

Wednesday, August 12th: I don't really remember this run, but based on my Strava post (it's a quote) it seems like it was one of those semi-peaceful runs where things just sort of happen. 

Thursday, August 13th: I remember feeling awkward pretty much this whole run. It was just one of those where I never seemed to fully warm-up or have my feet under me. It wasn't bad, per se, just annoying.  

Friday, August 14th: I'm planning to run Falmouth tomorrow so rested. 

Saturday, August 15th: Falmouth virtual road race. I plugged a Becs run on in hopes it would keep me focused and speed up. The goal was to run in under an hour and I mananged 55:48 or a 7:52 pace. Not too bad and I feel good about that. I think with a proper warm up I could do better (true in pretty much all my races I feel like) but I am happy with the result as I haven't trained as I once did for this race. And, yes, the Peloton did help.

Reflection

The other night my husband said something to me, about me that I wonder how accurate it truly is versus how he sees me. We were discussing working out and he mentioned how he always feels like he trying to keep up with me. I replied that I'm hardly doing anything that is hard to keep up with (true) other than perhaps the fact what I do get in can be on the end of a Very Long Day and a Very Long Week. But, to my point, his reply to me was that he knows I want more (and implied is I will work hard once that comes around). Now while I appreciate this assumption of me and my work ethic I'm not sure where I really stand with the future. Am I not working hard now because there's the thought of "why bother?" or is it something nore? I really hope that he is right. That when the times become more normal again, I will find myself with a drive that has floundered since March. I guess, like so many other things in life, we shall see but I suppose there is something pretty cool about someone believing in you when you aren't so sure.

Training Week August 2nd - August 8th

Sunday, August 2nd: The heat was down but the humidity was the same it felt like. I brought water which was a good call and probably something I need to focus on more. I managed to get back to a 7 miles plus long run so hopefully I can keep trending that way while still having a cap because... why run more if there's no half on the horizon...? 

Monday, August 3rd: Still doing my rest thing. 

Tuesday, August 4th: We had super winds today so I did a 45 minute arm and interval. I knew as soon as it started I was not in the mood but kept going. The power flicker in the middle that cost me some arms was sad but, in the end, not too sad. 

 

Wednesday, August 5th: I had A DAY and decided I was going to have A RUN too so picked a route that I knew had a good hill that was manageable (so I wouldn't feel defeated) but trying so I could enjoy the downhill and feel a little bit of that joy for having survived. 

Thursday, August 6th: I did another combo 5K with a 20 minute ride. Both went okay and it seemed like a good balance. I liked the 20 minute ride and saved it because I feel like I didn't do it as well as I could.  

Friday, August 7th: A run without a plan ended in almost five miles. I don't really know what I thought on this run but I kind of remembering thinking a lot but it all just melted away into a general feeling of: man this is a lot and what am I doing, but that's okay, let's try and be positive. It's been a trying couple weeks... months? Sometimes it just catches up. 

Saturday, August 8th: PR on a 45 minutes. This one was good but gross, haha. I pushed to get over the 400 output and made it with seconds to spare. It was a good PR though and I'm excited to try and keep pushing although... maybe excited it too strong of a word because this was rough.

Training week July 26th - August 1st

Sunday, July 26th: I defintely did not ahve the long ("long") run feel today so managed 5.5 but added on a 30 minute Peloton. I keep wavering between adding in running speed work and calling the bike my speed work. This was an attempt to keep the time for a Sunday long run up even if it wasn't all running. 

Monday, July 27th: Still resting. 

Tuesday, July 28th: PR on the Peloton, woot. It was a long holding interval ride which I hadn't done before but it was good. It was interesting because it was more like running and those hold than a lot of the other stuff that I do on the bike which I'm still getting used to. I also somewhere here adjusted my bike a bit and that seems to be making a small, but perhaps big, difference. 

Wednesday, July 29th: See above about what I am doing re: speed biking v. running. This was a Peloton tread run outside. It took a little adjustment because the run was inclined based, but it wasn't too bad. It was amazing how having a voice in my ear made the 5.5 really go by fast. The downside is my phone is old and I need to like unload stuff to save the tread lass. 

Thursday, July 30th: A work from home day that was a disaster I think. I had a wicked headache and was more stressed and annoyed than when I go in. It's too bad because I think the change would be nice but I am not sure if it will work for me. There's too much to be done, I worry and I am not sure I am successful at home. I did a run in hopes it would help make me feel better. It at least didn't make me feel worse.  

Friday, July 31st: A last minute plan change had this as a rest day. 

Saturday, August 1st: Since I skipped yesterday's run, I put in a 5K along with the bike in lieu of doing a longer Peloton. Felt pretty good and I think I may embrace this double stuff especially if I'm not going to do OT soon.

Training Week July 19th - July 25th

These next few weeks are done nearly three weeks late. Let's see how the memory is... 

Sunday, July 19th: Trying to get the long run a bit back on track. I recall wanting to keep a slower split time and managed to do that (8:45). It's still quite hot and humid so that was also some of the reason for it.  

Monday, July 20th: Still resting on Mondays. 

Tuesday, July 21st: I went out after work to keep up the miles knowing it was hot but overall not a bad run despite that. I think there is a little "getting used to" the heat that comes with it even if it doesn't always feel that way. 

Wednesday, July 22nd: Finally breaking in some new shoes. Not sure if I recall anything in partcular about why I did two runs in a row, but there you go. 

Thursday, July 23rd: Peloton 30 with arms. 

Friday, July 24th: Trying to end the work week with a 5K. Sometimes this is more so I can say that I did it than anything else. I need to keep focused on the mind over matter as this continues. 

Saturday, July 25th: 30 minute and 10 minute ride. I enjoy Kendall but man does she make you work for it.

Smell of Yesterday*

The more things change, the more they stay the same. It's hard to believe in some ways that it's been over four months, entering five months, since everything changed. I still remember going out to dinner on March 13th and claiming, like so many, "it'll be like the flu" and things will pass. 

And then restaurants closed and stores, then my work, and then everything stopped it seemed. 

For me, I was both lucky enough and, perhaps, unlucky in some way, to have a job that not only stayed open but had to stay open. My husband was the same. It kept the focus off of many things but it also made it harder because I was trying to function in a totally different reality. It still is that way, but the world (or at least my state) has been in the process of re-opening for weeks now and we are at a point where we will remain until treatment or a vaccine per our Governor. So, I guess, unless we have to shut down more, this is it for now. This is our new world for the foreseeable. 

 It's not necessarily a bad world, but it isn't easy. For us, it is easier than for so many. We are lucky and, I hope, remain so. I hope our parents and siblings remain healthy and we see each other soon in 2021 and hug it all out. I hope, like so many, this is the beginning of the end but in a good way not in the tragic way that wording usually means. 

It is still hard. 

It is still exhausting. 

And, while the world changed, I tried to keep some things close like running and working out. I haven't done my best at it, but I think I've done enough. I've tried to remain healthy and tried to remain positive even when the negative swarmed and continues to swarm. I hope that these weeks continue to hold steady (maybe improve although I do doubt that for us but maybe elsewhere in the country). I hope that the fall is not the diaster everything believes it will be although I am not well-versed enough in that to even grasp what is in store. I hope that I can continue to find peace in running even when it's not there is any other place, and sometimes, not even while on the road. Some times the start, middle and end of my run is still filled with anxiety and stress, but, I suppose, at least it is there and I can do it. At least it is something in these times. 

*Oh, I can't tell you a story 

There's nothing more to say 

We'll just move on like the others 

Who smell of yesterday 

And so lead us off somewhere 

Not where we fought and died 

'Cause we'll be catching the wind before nobody is alive