Staying Focused*

I am trying to remain hopeful and positive during this time like everyone else. I have began to feel that to do so I need to embrace the running again. I mean, when else will I work from home and have the laziness *physically) from a job that usually has me on my feet for five miles (in heels a lot of the time)? There is not a lot of excess energy to go around I feel, but that is mental battle. How better to fight than to push through and take it back? I am not sure I will always be successful, but I am trying. And I am trying to give myself the tools to make a real go at this including streaming running audio and trying to stretch and do yoga. We may be drowning in many (and different) ways, but we are all here and sometimes it helps to be reminded of that. *I think I gave up on trying to have every post be a song title. What can I say, I'm maturing...? (lazy?)

Training Week April 19th - April 25th

Sunday, 4/19: Long run day. Funny how much shorter these long runs seem to have gotten. But I went out, did my 7 and held my own. Felt pretty good overall and steady pace. I could afford to slow down some, I think, but I still don't know if I call 7 a long run. I am hoping next week to up that mileage to the typical 8 that usually follows 7. Monday, 4/20: Although it is Marathon Monday, there is not marathon this year. It is a weird thing, but there are many weird things these days. Even though it was only 7, I do keep with the day "off" approach and did an easy recovery Peloton which felt like enough. Tuesday, 4/21: Ugh. Weather. Jumped on the bike which was fun (lady Gaga ride) even though it cleared up pretty nicely at the end of the ride so I could have waited and ran. Sounds about right. Wednesday, 4/22: I had waited all day to see if I would run. It's been bad weather (see Tuesday) and today was super windy but I finally bit the bullet and went out. Luckily the route I went was more of a crosswind and only a head wind for a small part. It was good to get out and thankfully not as much work as I thought it would be. Thursday, 4/23: I decided it would be interesting to try the Peloton run app and see what I thought. I grabbed a Fun Run which had some accelerations in it but nothing crazy. I enjoyed the music even if I didn't know all of it and the encouragement was not unwanted. I planned 5 but without having a Garmin my FitBit wasn't synced to my GPS so it was more like 5.5 miles because I wanted to be safe rather than sorry. Friday, 4/24: I thought about skipping today but glad I didn't. The Banger ride was the burst of energy that I needed at the end of the week and it had me smiling. Saturday, 4/25: Today was long run day because tomorrow's weather will be, not surprising, crappy again. I decided that I needed to embrace my running again last weekend and signed up for a virtual half that needs to be ran in May. You can do it in multiple runs, but I want to try for the whole distance as a race. To do that, you need to, you know, run more. So today was a long run day. I liked the Peloton running app so decided to give it a go for a longer distance. I was not super prepared (physically) for the paces to hit but it also wasn't entirely out of my ability to handle so it's not all bad news. I enjoy the voice encouraging me and, so far, I don't find it annoying.

In Every Job that Must be Done

I am currently 60 pages into The Happy Runner and just finished the chapter where the authors ask you to examine your Why for running. I thought this would be a good time for such self-assessment given... well you know... everything. I have managed to keep up running over this last month although it tapered off significantly. It wasn't something that I was finding peace in and, even for a while, it caused more stress. I believe (read: hope) that has passed as I continued to log less miles, but still log miles. I have attempts to remain in tune with it and with myself which is why I finally picked up this book after having it for a few months. I figure now it a perfect time to find out how to be, or continue to be perhaps, a happy runner. So, looking at the end of that chapter it asks four questions: 1. Why do I run at all? 2. Why do I run each day? 3. Why am I racing at all? 4. Why do I have as my long-term goals? And here I go: WHY DO I RUN AT ALL? At first it was because it brought me a sense of peace that I was unable to find any other way. It made me feel better, even for a moment, stronger and resilient (or at least feel that way since I still cried all.the.time). It also made me forget. I think, for me, the question morphs into why did I continue to run? It was something that allowed me escape and release but the heartbreak that brought forward that need dimmed with time and yet I kept running. And I think the reason I did was because it became a part of who I am and made me feel better about who that person was. I run because I enjoy how it makes me feel both inside and out. I run because of how it makes me feel about life even at its worse. WHY DO I RUN EACH DAY? Well, first off. Not each day, because that is insane, but why do I run each week and keep a log? Because I feel accomplished and because I feel like it a task to look forward to in days that have so many other tasks. It is something that will lighten me after the worst of day and be the glimmer of normalcy and accomplishments on days when I maybe feel both of those things or maybe feel none of those things. It is something that I look forward to and something that brings me quiet (even with music). WHY AM I RACING AT ALL? I think this is one where I get a little tied up in the self-serving part that the authors try to get the runner out of, but so it goes. No one is perfect! I race because it makes me feel good and proud. Even worst races have that little kick at the end of happiness (even if it fades with disappointment; read : Baystate 2018). I also race because I do like the community although there is a voice in me that also likes it because I am one of the best in my little community. Not the greatest of reasons but true. I also race because it givers some structure to the weeks in and out. Perhaps I should run only for the process, but I like the process if have an aim or goal. WHAT DO I HAVE AS MY LONG-TERM GOALS? As always there is Boston and chasing that BQ. I am not 100% sure how much weight that holds to me now. There was a part of me that did like Providence just for Providence and wanting to focus on that again. I guess, right now, I'm not sure so I'll make my goal a little more pandemic related: I want to get out there and stay out there and keep the miles under my feet. Once some of NOW because THEN I will re-evaluate, but I think long-term means something else entirely.

When We Were Young

Typed in March, post in April unedited. Like many people, I have good days and bad days. Recently, what is considered a good v. bad day has changed a bit. And yesterday was a bad day. Not a Bad Day or even BAD DAY, but bad day still. There is a base-line anxiety in everything that happens it seems and I am not immune from that. Sometimes it rises up more than expected or is harder to push back down that is expected. Yesterday, I did a shorter run than my training plan called for, but I've already anticipated that I'm cancelling the marathon if it isn't cancelled for us. So, that was okay. The run... meh not so much. It wasn't awful but it was a lot of work and, throughout the day, took more and more out of me until, by the end I was just kind of toast. Right now is not a time that one wants to feel toasted. Because, in my little brain of brains, toasted me sickness and sickness means something else entirely. As I was falling asleep though, I realized that I didn't want to feel that way (not that anyone does I think...). So I thought why not just NOT feel that way. Focus on the good. Focus on the next things. Focus on what you can control. I am not sure how successful I will be at this, but I'm going to try because... what else can I do?

In This Mad Season

Oh what to see in these days. I've been silent for a while and not for any good reason. I think that some of it is laziness and finding that I had the same blah-blah to post. Some of it was that not much had happened other than one race (see below) and trying to heal injuries and entering 2020. Then... well last week happened as it did to everyone in the US and things aren't what they used to be. So, I thought as I have some time to reflect, perhaps I'd jump back onto this page and just tinker around and update. More for myself than anyone else which is okay. There's a lot of "just yourself" moments these days so what is one more? Let's start with the end of 2019. Per some previous post, I'd been dealing with a hamstring/back/Achilles/who-knows-what injury after the Surftown half. I did run the Cambridge half even though I had convince myself it was a a bad idea. It turned out to be a new PR and, overall, not the worst of ideas. I don't think it hampered my recovery and didn't cause further injury that I knew of. Plus, as I said, new PR which is pretty cool (now a 1:42:20). What it did do, though, was cause me skip/miss the Turkey Trot this year. After the half, I decided to try and take two weeks off entirely minus elliptical and bike at the gym. I went back to running and never really felt much better as the hamstring still fairly constantly hurt. But, whether this is accurate or not, my husband and I got a Peloton in December and... now things are vastly different. Although I still have twinges here and there, the constant discomfort has pretty much vanished. I was getting really down and, in some ways, worried about how I felt towards the end of 2019 and wondering what I would need to do including seeing a doctor. But the spinning on the Peloton has seemed to assist in recovery by, I'm assuming, building strengthen where I was lacking and helping with the balance of my body. I am not sure if that is entirely true, but honesty... I don't really care. I know that there were no other changes other than that and so I don't feel as if something else magically healed me and my issues. So, sufficient to say, 2020 was starting off pretty good. There was a collective decision to skip Hyannis and run Easterns States and PRovidenceand so training has been focused on that. I haven't really picked up on speed work, hoping that my run club tempos and Orangetheory will give me a boost. I decided that I didn't ahve the energy, mentally or physically, to take on another hard speed day and I've come to terms with that being okay. So maybe I'll not qualify for Boston... that doesn't take away form who I am as a person or a runner. But now... March happened and things have changed. The ES is off and OT is closed. The world is temporarily on hiatus in many ways and everything is just different. And off. And anxiety-filled. I try to keep up-beat and try to release my anxieties but it is not easy. This is not forever, but there is something about it that has that feel at present. Worrying about things like a marathon seem both less and so much more important right now. It's rather crazy when you stop and think which is all anyone can do these days. So what I'll do is keep running and working out. I'll try to no panic and think that I am sick. I will try to keep up with my friends and loved ones and hope that, before we know it, this too will have passed.

The Winter's Cold*

So... where have I been? Oh, around with a fairly consistent routine in my running life. I ran a half that I just missed a PR and a 5K where I won for the women (gift card, cha-ching!). In all honesty, it was a fairly disappointing summer and early fall. I think 2018 with its multiple PRs set me up for thinking that anytime I hit a race if I wanted to PR I would. Turns out that's not true. Go figure. But I've plodded along and still had a good season of running. To end the year I have a last minute half and my Turkey Trot. Not sure what the goal of the half is but my Trot I hope to place. I haven't done a ton of speed work but I have moved my Tuesdays to be a speed workout which seems to be going okay so far (two weeks in). I that that is the easiest way to reach my speed workout for the week since, doing OT and a speed workout on top of Tuesdays (which tend to be faster than I like) is a bit much for my body. Which brings me to why this post is happening now. I've decided that I'm going to try and have winter be the winter of ME. Not to say it isn't always that way, but what I really mean is to focus on not just running but the PT, stretching, strength, sleep and mental health to enter into 2020 fully ready and focused. I think that I do a good job of ME TIME, but I could use it better and more positively. I want to try and enter into marathon training with all my focus and be eager to train hard. I've already started PT and want to try and keep up the tasks that they give me. I want to feel good when I run not just because of the accomplishment but because it feels good and doesn't carry sore consequences unless I want it to. If I can start to make good habits now, I hope that they will just be a part of what I do when I start to run more. I always have to remember that they will be lax days and there should be but if I have a nice focus about these things they won't see like a chore and just part of my routine. *But the snow still settles light on the trees

Walkin' on Sunshine

I had the long run, and maybe a week of running, that I had known I needed but didn't focus on trying to get. First off my speed work went really well and I hit my marks which is always good. There are shorter than my marathon training ones were (for obvious reasons) and so feel manageable. The time commitment to them is also something that is manageable with life. It's one of the reasons, but not the only reason, why I didn't feel ready for a marathon this fall. You have to have a type of focus to get through the workouts that I've had for a while (and really always tend to have) but I wasn't sure if I could find it in me to push as much as I needed to. SO, taking a step back while working hard is good for me. Not a break, but still... a break. And the second thing I needed was my long run today. I had been going to a trail that was modestly uphill, but still up hill, for the first 2.75 miles and then hits some BIG hills. I went there three times because I wanted to try and crush hills especially due to my last few races that I was disappointed in. So, while I brought all of those runs on myself, between the hills and the summer heat, I was not enjoying those runs. Today I went back to the tried-and-true Rutland rail trail and it was grand. Granted there were WAY TO MANY bugs but some random person gave me bug spray which definitely helped. But the run was just good. I kept a solid pace, I didn't have any issues and I felt like I could keep going. It was just a nice solid performance and, especially based on the last run I did there (UGHUGHUGH) it was just a nice thing to have today. As always days and weeks like this bring me back to why I run and I look forward to the next week. It also makes me think what I can conquer next. But sometimes you just need to hold steady. I also have to remember that next week could turn out difficult. Running can sure be fickle.