I’ll Bring Thunder

Running without a plan can be difficult. I think that’s true for most people and I find myself generally wandering, trying to keep up miles, but not sure in what way. Is there are reason to strength train? Sure. Always. But it’s harder to motivate yourself if there isn’t a reason right there that you can cross off a day of work done and look at what’s next.

That being said, I’m doing okay this winter. I had a very exciting and successful go at frisbee in LA. I brought back so many warm memories and desires. I reminded me of who I once was and offered me a look at who I could be once again. Frisbee was Me for a very long time. I was (am?) good st it fairly naturally although with the younger players starting so much sooner if I began now it may have been different. But for when I played, I was good and brought talent to a team. With my two ACL replacements, five years apart, how I played changed and eventually stopped. There is a part of me that will always wonder what if and a part of me that will always be a little incompleteness at having that torn (yes pun intended) away from me without my consent. But stuff happens and you move on. Having played this beach tournament and been fairly competent on our team (I did get almost all the spirit awards/player awards) after not touching a frisbee for a year reminded me that maybe I could do this again.

But then I think and remember. The pain. The recovery. The loss of freedom. The lingering issues I still have and know that it’s never going to be the same and who knows what could happen. So I try to take that fire I had on a beach in LA that was born of so many other games, throws, victories and losses and bring it to my running. 

This may be who I am now. I will not be as good of a runner as I was a frisbee player but I can be good at this to my liking. I can win some things and I can win things for myself. I am finding satisfaction in this and trying to find more. It is lonelier than frisbee but there is a community and there is support. So, as winter drags and I wonder about motivation and what’s next, I try to think that EVERYTHING is next and that is something to work towards.

And if, once or twice a year, I get to play a game of frisbee and remember my youth and my love of that sport and be reminded who I was at a time and who I still am, that’s still something.