Dying on Top of the World*

So the year ended a few days ago while I was on vacation which is not a terrible way to end and begin a new year. As many do, the start of something is a time to reflect and aim for new achievements. Here are some of my reflections:

2018 was a year for PRs which is pretty awesome. I actually had one in EVERY race I ran except for my Turkey Trot which is amazing. I feel very proud of that fact and it’s a testament to how work can pay off. It also makes going into 2019 hard in the fact that I want to keep getting those PRs but now, as is the case, they are harder to reach. That being said, I don’t think I’ve peaked just yet.

I found this summer running for Baystate one of the most mentally difficult times for running. It was a huge series of ups and downs, with the downs really being rough. I felt extremely beat up by the heat and it pushed me through some (a LOT) of doubts. In the end, I think the training went well... I didn’t get injured and had a 8:21 Marathon PR. I also did a lot more miles than before so that change was bound to make me feel it.

And then there’s the Marathon... I still go back and forth. It was a great PR and there are so many stories of professional runners missing their marks and how they keep trying. I know that’s part of the sport and I have run two marathons and they have both gone great so it’s not all a loss. But it was soclose. I can’t help but think, especially are the husband is training for Boston now, why couldn’t I have made up that time. I don’t yet know if I will train for Providence to have it be a BQ attempt or just get my feet wet into the non-intense training for a marathon. We shall see as I have just a bit of time before I need to make that decision. But still... with Baystate I AM proud but there will always be that little bitter taste to it especially if I don’t make it one day.

So now that 2019 has started I’m trying to think about some goals. I’d like to run a 1:40 half which, I think, may be about as fast as I’ll be able to run it. I was thinking it would be fun to find a 5K and try to push it like the end and beginning of 2017 and 2018 last year just to see. And then there is the elusive BQ and if I try a third time this year. I’m going to see how I feel as Providence training starts and go from there. A part of me would like to not mold my summer around a training program but a part of me wonders well what else would I do? I still was able to do all our events and don’t think we’ll do a bigger travel until mid-fall which I can work around. I do want to keep up OT and morning workouts as well as trythe climbing with the husband to keep myself well rounded-ish. I suppose, other than the half goal, I’m not yet sure what I want for 2019 and that’s okay. I am sure the goals and ideas with take shape as the days continue.

* Here I am
Living a dream that I can’t hold
Here I am on my own.
On top of the world,
On top of it all, trying to feel invincible.
Dying on top of the world.