Will You Catch Me if I Should Fall?

And hereks how the weekend will close: with a 12 mile run that I managed to keep it together during although I wanted to have it be 15 miles. I did a little over 3 1/2 yesterday and, once done, I sat in my driveway texting a friend feeling sorry for myself. I think that the 20 miler I did last week did more harm than good and I’m really concerned about my preparation and position for Providence. I’d always hoped but somehow this could be another attempt at a Boston qualifier but I also wanted to be realistic with my training and just focus on running a marathon and enjoying the training and some time with friends. I think I can still accomplish that although there is that part of me, that part is so desperately wants her in Boston despite the previous post, but wonders if I can do it. With the last week that I had that wonder part of me has gone out in a tiny little ash. I don’t think my body has it in it to be able to Boston qualifying and I don’t think that I should push it because the end result may be a non-finish. So can I hold myself back and simply run a marathon? I suppose we’ll find out but some part of me, that part sitting on the cement feeling sorry for myself, wishes that it wasn’t so. I wish they had done some more work, had not gotten sick, had just tried a little harder so that the idea of a BQ was a little bit more on my radar. I suppose no one can know how to go and you don’t really know entirely how your training helped you interesting. But I know I didn’t put in the time especially as I did for Baystate in 2018. It was maybe similar to Bay State in 2017 but even though I think that I watched a little bit harder than I did. And like I said I feel like this last week actually said that my training as a post to help a lot. In retrospect I probably should’ve ran less last week I did a longer run, maybe even my last 20 miler like my friend it, this weekend. But hindsight is exactly that and there’s nothing I can do to change what I’ve already done other than to push forward and in some ways hope for the best but focus on reality.

You May Be Right*

I seem to be having a hard couple of weeks. The prior post was actually done almost a month ago but I just put it up there today. That was a time in which I felt that things were a little bit more together in terms of my running. I still don’t feel like I am Kylie off. But there have been some issues lately. 40 in memory concerns I’m going to start backwards. Today I have a head cold which started yesterday. I was supposed to do my speed work and decided to move that to tomorrow, health pending. What that means is I now have an extra day of rest that I had a plan so I am trying to shift around my schedule. I think whatever result in is the proper mileage but that a little bit differently. All that is fine but we are coming on such a crunch time that it makes me a little uncomfortable to deviate it off of the schedule. I have to remember that having certain deviations is OK and nothing is for certain and one missed right especially because of the cold probably won’t change the outcome. Before the cold I had the Boston weekend. I feel like that should be in all caps: BOSTON WEEKEND. It’s hard to summarize it properly but it involved a visit to the vet ER, working six days in a row in which I never woke up past 6 AM it felt like if not actually was accurate. Ready to 20 miler which was Cibilo the worst run I have ever had. And having family members in town which made things very difficult to find peace and quiet. My husband also ran Boston which is wonderful for him but not the easiest pill to swallow for me. I obviously hope that one day I will have my chance there but each year that goes by and each year that I see everyone who does want it I get a little bit disheartened in various ways. It is such an amazing event and people do amazing things either by time standards or money standards but after seeing everyone I do at the expo there’s a part of me that finds I’ve lost some of my luster towards the event. That being said all of that could be attributed to the bitterness I have not yet having reach the standard I want to in order to run it. I think it’s maybe a combination of all things and something that if I ever qualify I will probably have the exact same approach the weekend but from the outside you like to think that it would be different for you. And then before that I was having serious sciatica issues? Hip issues? Leg issue? Hard to say but it was pretty painful and I eventually had to put a hold on my OT for the month. That probably is a good call as I reach taper land but it was a difficult time. The silver lining with that one is it seems to have gotten better. I still have some discomfort but is not what it was. I think I was overworking it and maybe the rowing wasn’t helping especially with all the running I was doing. Yeah let me talk about last weekend 20 miler. I went into it after working the Boston expo which is probably not a great idea because your food intake is totally off and I had a late dinner that was in retrospect and maybe even an presentspect way too rich. The end result was a 20 miler that for the first five I was concerned about but I was riding with someone else for the next three I was even more concerned about but still ride with someone else. The next eight or so I’ve been having more a terrible decision it which I found myself in such distress that I didn’t necessarily know how I was going to get back to a safe place. I eventually did it felt better and thought that I could continue on my way to finish the last five or so miles. That was my 12 mistake? Hundredth mistake? Hard to say. But no matter how you slice it the run took everything out of me and I was entirely beat up. It wasn’t a successful run overall timewise because of how much starting and stopping I did it which I did stop my watch so my Pace looked OK but the overall pace would really have made over a 10 minute mile for the 20. It was my last 20 miler and I’m not sure how much benefit it had. I suppose the one real benefit of it was running when I was entirely done. Had a Nother 6 miles to go I don’t think I would have made it but you never now so maybe there was a benefit despite all the bad decisions that happened. How old is this to be said that with the Boston marathon just happened in the mail marathon coming up I always turn my eyes for looking for that Boston qualifier. I’m not sure I have anything close to it in me but there’s a part of me that thinks I just have to try but then will I ruined my race. Probably. But do I go for anyways? Probably. It’s a hard thing to face when you know that you haven’t done what you needed to do but you still have some of that desire in particularly you know that you probably won’t have another shot this year just given the time and effort that goes into this type of training. My body also is craving of rest and I know I have to do it so even if I felt I just missed the mark I don’t think I could try again this probably need to wait till 2020. It’s hard to say and I still have some time but I just wanted to get out there all the ways in which I feel ill prepared well maybe mentally prepared. *I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic You’ve been looking for. Turn out the light. Don’t try to save me. You may be wrong for all I know You may be right.

Forever Young

I recently ran the eastern states 20 miler. I was using it as my long run, first 20 miler in the books!, So was focused on trying to keep the pace relatively slow and more akin to a long run as a post to a race. I did pretty well with that attempt, running at an 831 pace. It was an OK run over all. I had some mental issues pretty quickly into the run and had a hard time staying focused but I was able to finish it. I can’t tell if I am just sort of burned out with long-distance running or if it was something more to do with the day. Who is to say. Shrug. What I will say is that course is probably one of the prettiest that I’ve run on. It was also a great weather day for that race. This time of year is always tricky and you never know what you’re going to get. Even though I did have a hard time in the race it did go smoothly and it made me appreciate something that is very unique to long-distance runner: I went out and did 20 miles like it was just a typical Sunday. Sure I was pretty tired a little sore and definitely starving but it was something that I was able to do and do with relative ease. There is a lot of history in a lot of work that went into getting me to that point but it is still something that’s pretty awesome and unique. Even as I wander what this next Marathon will bring and if I at all have a chance of qualifying I’m trying to remember how lucky I am to be a part of the sport and to be above average at it. I’m not a professional and I’ll never make money off of it but I am a little bit more talented than your average Joe at it. It’s something that makes me unique and something that I enjoy so even through the long run. Physically demanding or mentally difficult it’s good to remember that this is something that I get to do not something that I have to do.

Hit the Ground Running

One of the difficult things about winter for myself it’s finding the motivation to do speed work when it’s dark and cold outside. I imagine that this is a problem that faces most runners who are training for something during this time of year on the coast or an area of the world where winter is really a thing. In some ways I suppose I could overcome the cold and just really suck it up and warm up better but part of it too is the darkness where you can’t be totally securing your foot falls. There is something really unnerving about trying to go as close to all out on something when you are in 100% sure if what you’re stepping on is going to be slippery or not. So like many other people and runners once daylight savings hits and I get my evenings back there is a sense of relief that comes with it. And a sense of wanting to do more. Once you decide that you want to do more which for me means trying to do speed work there is that hesitation of “how will it go?” There are very few things as telling us how good and shape you are as a speed workout. It’s something that you can push yourself through but because you are literally watching a Clock the whole time you entirely understand the splits that you are missing as it’s happening. It also is one of the hardest things to try and correct midway through. All that being said I decided I would get back on a track and try my yasso work out that I had been avoiding for a pretty long time. Turns out I still have it in me. Not to be entirely cliché but I do think that OT has had something to do with the fact that when I did my yasso my splits were as good if not better than the last time I did them this summer. Some of it may have to do with the fact that I’m not as burnt out when I’m trying them at that time. Either way it was an accomplishment for me and made me feel a little bit more confident going into this Marathon. I’m still not sure what to expect from it nor what I want to try to set my expectations at but I feel like maybe there is a chance that I can have a race that I’m proud of. Not sure if there’s any chance of having it being a Boston qualifier but I think that there is a part of my body and mind that feels I could push if I felt good that day for that goal.

I Ain’t No Superman

I had a fun, new adventure yesterday for long run: running part of the marathon course. 

First off, let me say that it was a great weather running day weather wise. It was sunny, with no wind, but you still wanted gloves and a hat. 

Second, the Boston Marathon route is simply flooded with runners. 

I guess I never understood how many people were out on these days preparing for the race. It was a bit overwhelming and sort of made it feel like a race, but also made it pretty cool in that regard. 

Third, I had a good running buddy with me who actually kept me moving faster than I wanted, or maybe I did with him, but either way it was the longest I’ve ever run with someone who is kind of cool. 

Overall, the run went well. 

I’m still not totally sure what to expect from Providence and there’s this part of me whispering “you can still try to qualify” but there’s a part of me that is a bit louder saying “don’t push it and enjoy this for what it is”. We shall see which wins out come May 5th, but I am working towards having a good race even if not my best race. 

I also had a lot of different thoughts while doing this run about what it means to do Boston. 

For me, I’ve always thought (when I’ve thought about running Boston) that I want to qualify to run it and that it mattered how I got there. It still matters to me and I doubt I’ll run Boston without qualifying (unless I find a charity that I love and support) but looking at all the runners and the variety of, shall we say, talent out there on the course made me realize that maybe only a few of us view Boston with such respect. Now, don’t get me wrong that charity runners do great things, but that’s on the financial side of things. On the running side: meh. 

One thing I’ve learned about a marathon is anyone can do it, but not everyone can do it well. Most people who run Boston, who go to work the next day or a few days later saying “they ran Boston” don’t really do that. The finish it. They are there. But they don’t run it. I’ve always wanted to to run it and, to run it, I need to qualify. 

I think that charity runners are wonderful but, as I said to my friend, maybe there’s a part of me that enjoys the work that comes with a marathon that no one cares about, that is running and racing for me and not for the Monday in April. But, as I also said, maybe that’s also coming from he bitter place of someone who hasn’t qualified and is refusing to get the starting line by another mean right now.

At the End of the Day

Two posts! 

Here’s the Hyannis breakdown because racing season is here! Going into Hyannis we knew the weather was going to be wet and windy and it did not disappoint. I have actually been very lucky with race weather and truthfully I don’t think I’ve raced in rain before (shocking I know. I HAVE played lots is frisbee in it though). 

Anyhow I went in hoping for a 1:45-1:50 because I’ve not really done sped other than OT and I had my knee stuff happening (see previous post). There is ALWAYS the hope of a PR but I know not every race can be done despite 2018. So the weather was like 40, real feel 30 something and it was pouring. I wore a poncho for 11 miles and still got soaked through to my base layer. 

 Sidenote: I don’t actually have a rainproof or even resistant rain coat. I ordered one on Amazon last night... 

The end result of my windy, wet and, at times hilarious, half was 1:45:25. Not to shabby! Third best in my half career and here’s the thing: I had some moments of “oh UGH this needs to stop; I’m not gonna make it” BUT those passed and, with my time, I can actually see a 1:40 somewhere on my horizon. That’s a nice feeling because I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. 

It makes me excited for the future races. I’m still not sure what Providence will bring or if I’m going to up my training, but I like the feeling of there’s still more in me.

Got Your Number

Here’s a good moral: don’t do like I do. 

As previously posted, I’ve been battling with a knee issue that seemed to have come out of nowhere. I took some time off (very little but still - count it!) and I also changed my shoes. Now, about two week from the knee change, no more pain (or we’ll... just the normal pain I have post two knee surgeries). I didn’t do the right thing really; I barely took time off and blamed something else BUT I did begin to stretch more. If anything, because of the quickness and randomness of this pain, it has reminded me (again) to not take my body for granted. I need to remember that I’m abusing my body every day and to consider that when I rest. I need to think more about recovery and stretching. 2019 is just starting and I have to races in my radar - it’s time to remember I’m not necessarily going to bounce back only because I want to. 

This is where my draft ended and I kind of what to pick up right there without deleting it for two reasons. 

The first is that I didn’t post that previously because it was missing something and I realized what it was about a week ago. It was missing the OTHER reason pain sucks. There is the unknown of what is it, will it get better, when will it gets better, etc. But the other part, that part I am so familiar with after two surgeries is how unlike yourself you feel when in pain. I’ve had this to an extreme where I didn’t run for almost a year. I also have it kind of constant but with varying degrees of discomfort. 

When something like my above-mentioned paincomes up it sucks because I dislike myself and how I feel. I don’t feel Whole for so many reasons. I feel like a stranger who is just trying to get by either through force or will or denial neither of which make me feel anymore myself. It makes me feel a little lost and a little like a walking excuse. It makes me change how I go about things in a way I really don’t like. Pain takes so much and, when it is gone or back to normal (whatever that may be) it is amazing how much brighter everything is. Unless you’ve gone through it, it’s hard to explain but that first time you wake up and walk and realize you changed nothing is pure magic and joy. 

Thankfully I’ve got some of that magic back and the pain has subsided. I’m back to normal somewhat but will be trying to address the source of the pain through stretching and even a massage (yessssssss). Pain is humbling and it helps to remember that and to try and avoid it as best you can.