I Saw the Sign

I’m not someone who tends to give up that easily. Although as I get older, I’m also not someone who tends to fight through like I did. Overall, I guess I would say I am tenacious, but only to a certain degree. 

I've found that since the marathon in May, it’s been more and more difficult to get that drive for running up and, well, running. I’ve had these moments where it’s been something that I found a little bit of a spark, but that spark tends to go out with relative ease. I think some of that is just dealing with the discomfort that I’ve had in my right leg/hip area which tends to make running not that enjoyable. Some it is the leftover stress/angst/whatever else with the marathon training block and my home life. 

And the there have been these little pushes from life that seem to be telling me to just step it back. 

The icing on the cake was the fact that a literal tornado went by our house. 

We are all fine, we weren’t even here, and it could be so much worse. There is a lot of cleanup and there are a lot of phone calls, but we will all get taken care of, and ideally, will be taken care of without much financial loss on our part. 

But already only four (now seven when I'm posting this) days into this endeavor only get three (now six) miles in. 

I think, to be totally one of those people, but the universe is trying to give me a sign. 

I’m not going to stop running. I’m not gonna give up running, but maybe this season of the half is shaping up a little bit differently than ones in the past. I think the biggest thing of all is that I feel okay about that which maybe speaks more than whatever that tornado noise was that day.    

Was It Something That I Said

The running has just sort of been. Nothing flashy, nothing great, but that's also okay. I'm still working on my right leg and managed a massage and hoping to start physical therapy October 1st. Basically, I just feel like it's gotten to a point where I'm not entirely able to manage it on my own, both time and knowledge wise so off to the professionals I go.

I took a step back from speed work but did jump back into this weekend. I actually really found I enjoyed the break from the harder work but then that lended itself to a concern about then doing the speed work again because I knew it would be hard. I don't like setting myself up for failure or frustration and, no matter how often I try to tell myself that it's okay and the run is what the run is, I still feel that frustration come to the surface. Sometimes, I think, it's better to not try.

But then I think how lame is that and get out of my own way.

On Saturday I was scheduled for a six mile tempo which I knew sounded like too big of a bite and it was. I did manage four, but the first two were a real struggle especially on the rail trail I chose. The second two, downhill, felt good so at least I was able to keep myself together. I don't know what paces I'm really aiming for this fall so I'm just kind of tinkering and will see where I'm at and how I feel as the half gets closer.

I am hanging on fairly well with the long runs and did 10.5 with a friend on Sunday. Today my back is pretty tight in one area which is annoying but I'm hopeful I can get that sorted as the day goes on. All in all, I guess I'm just sort of in my float along stage of this training block. I still would love to full send a half, but I think, for me, when I invest a lot into a full marathon I find it harder to bounce back to a half.

I also am not very good with summer running so that tends to bog me down. With the cooler temps on their way, I'm finding a little pep and a tiny more motivation to get out there and keep at it. I have also, as is my MO, bought a couple pre-race items that I am going to try and do my best to use before I hit the road or trail. I'm trying to be more cognizant of the fact that I am only getting older and my little body needs more TLC.

Keys that jingle in your pocket.
Words that jangle in your head.
Why did summer go so quickly?
What it something that I said?

If This Isn't Nice, I Don't Know What Is

I've been in a bit of a running rut. Perhaps it is summer, but I've also had my hip/back pain that I had about two years ago come back. In general, it doen't stop me from running but it does cause some discomfort or pain so takes some of the joy away. Between that and the humidity and work I just wasn't feeling running.

I am, however, taking steps to get out of this funk. I had a deep tissue massage yesterday and I have a doctor appointment tomorrow for, hopefully, a PT referral. I've kept up with easy runs and am just sort of staying consisent.

I will say, though, Saturday and Sunday I had two just Good Runs. Saturday was one that felt awesome and I appreciated what I was doing, what I was seeing and experiencing. It was just pleasant and peaceful. And then today's long run wasn't a struggle bus that they have been. I felt smooth and consisent. It was nice to have two semi-effortless runs. It's a good reminder that nothing is ever as bad as you may think and, truly, often is much better.

“And I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.”

It's Me, Hi

These past two weeks have no been the best in terms of my training. I've had a hard time finding motivation, which I posted about already and it continued into this week. This week I also had some GI distress 1.5 miles into a run which had me quickly coming back home and only getting in three. The unease carried through to the next day which, I think, was maybe sort of a food poisoning but not entirely if that makes sense. I then got back into a small swing with 4 miles and Friday was going to be a tempo (7 miles) but... nope. 

I did get in four and planned for the 7 miles today. I woke up after a good sleep, got ready and just... didn't go. I had no desire to try to run, no drive, and I think there's a part of me that is tried of pushing through. 

I have to push through at my job for obvious reasons and, may times, that carries over into running, but not right now. I also know that I have time (although I won't forever) to get into the training so I think I just allow myself to give in to my lack of motivation.

I did get out and do 4 today with a friend which was nice. I ate too close to it for it to be entirely enjoyable, but there were some miles on the legs at least. I'm going to keep giving myself some grace here because, big picture, I don't want to burn myself out and I'd rather have this season be less than ideal to aim for something better in the spring.

*I'm the problem, it's me.

The Fine

This was a hard week for motivation. I pretty much stuck to the treadmill due to the heat and me being stuck in glasses. I think I just sort of zoned out this week and wanted it to be easy which running rarely is. But I stuck to some miles, some tv watching, a some grace. I didn’t get my 800 workout in as I just never felt it, but more importantly, didn’t feel the drive to push through the motivation issue. Coach did add in some speedy in today’s long run which went… okay. 

Luckily she prescribed MP and not HMP so I held it at 7:47, 7:53, 8:00 and 8:06. I did need to stop and regroup (aka have a small fit) so the paces are not reflective of the real time spent so not really a non-stop workout but I’ll take it. I was going to bail entirely on the speed but at least didn’t have *that* much of a fit.

Even though sometimes 
This is hard to tell,
And the fine is 
Just as frustrating as hell,
All will be well.

Will Turn to Gold

I had a local 5k race today and, I've got to say, it went very well. I always hope for something more and to be the person leading the race, but I've come to learn I don't quite have that pace but I can be successful in my own lane.

One of the big goals I've tried to focus on is holding on mentally when things get hard and not stepping off the gas. I've found that I am very capable at talking myself out of keeping on a goal when it gets a little hard and compromising and saying that's okay. This happened a lot during Bayshore when, at like mile 3-4 (or so it felt like, not entirely sure which one it was but was in the first half) when I said it's okay if it's not my day. I even talked to myself about how impressive my training block was with everything that I had to deal with personally and professionally. And, while that is true, that doesn't mean that I couldn't have pushed.

So I've tired to use these shorter races, where things going bad only go bad for so long, as a way to stay on top of my mental game. I've kept telling myself things that "you're okay", "you're not going to die", and "keep pushing" as well as played games of both race announcing in my head and tracking down runners. What I've found is that I've managed to keep on top of my goal for the day and not really let off the gas. 

Today I told myself to run and to hope for a PR (and to potentially break 21:00). I went out real hot, too hot, but I didn't panic. I saw that I was sub-7:00 and then just let off the gas, but kept my form. I chatted with someone quickly and then settled in. I knew there would be runners falling apart with how they started so I said be patient. I settled a little too much at one point and saw a 7:30-7:40 so I mentally shook myself out of that and picked up my form and my pace. I said just hold this and keep striding. I saw a woman I chatted with at the start with 1.5 to go who I could tell I was going faster then so I started my race dialogue and tried to pick it up or at least hold on.

I mostly held on to the pace which was an improvement from last year (knowing the rolling hills and the back half helped) and I didn't catch the woman, but I made up a lot of ground and only ended about 3 seconds behind her. I PRed this course by about a minute and felt strong the whole time. It was a nice result and gave me some hope for a next cycle.

I will say that I got some news which makes the idea of a winter training block seem like a potentially insurmountable task, but I can't get too far ahead of myself just yet.

And I Might Be Okay

I’m feeling pretty tired this week. Not sure if that’s work (probably), hormones (probably), bad sleep (probably), some running ailments (probably), or the training (probably), whatever the cause (all the above) I’m tired. So I kind of set myself up for a hard day heading to a rail trail that has an uphill start because I both wanted the challenge and the excuse. The workout was 3 miles at HMP (7:38) and my splits were 8:00, 7:52, and 7:36. The way out I just kept saying it’s only 1.5 of hard work before the turn and downhill. I also really wanted to stop and instead I just said hold on, you’re fine. It wasn’t the workout I wanted but it was a good character one.

It’s pretty early in this build too so I’m hoping to try this again or something like it in about a month and see how it goes.

I also took an hour nap and feel much better.

*But I’m Not Fine At All.