I Ain’t No Superman

I had a fun, new adventure yesterday for long run: running part of the marathon course. 

First off, let me say that it was a great weather running day weather wise. It was sunny, with no wind, but you still wanted gloves and a hat. 

Second, the Boston Marathon route is simply flooded with runners. 

I guess I never understood how many people were out on these days preparing for the race. It was a bit overwhelming and sort of made it feel like a race, but also made it pretty cool in that regard. 

Third, I had a good running buddy with me who actually kept me moving faster than I wanted, or maybe I did with him, but either way it was the longest I’ve ever run with someone who is kind of cool. 

Overall, the run went well. 

I’m still not totally sure what to expect from Providence and there’s this part of me whispering “you can still try to qualify” but there’s a part of me that is a bit louder saying “don’t push it and enjoy this for what it is”. We shall see which wins out come May 5th, but I am working towards having a good race even if not my best race. 

I also had a lot of different thoughts while doing this run about what it means to do Boston. 

For me, I’ve always thought (when I’ve thought about running Boston) that I want to qualify to run it and that it mattered how I got there. It still matters to me and I doubt I’ll run Boston without qualifying (unless I find a charity that I love and support) but looking at all the runners and the variety of, shall we say, talent out there on the course made me realize that maybe only a few of us view Boston with such respect. Now, don’t get me wrong that charity runners do great things, but that’s on the financial side of things. On the running side: meh. 

One thing I’ve learned about a marathon is anyone can do it, but not everyone can do it well. Most people who run Boston, who go to work the next day or a few days later saying “they ran Boston” don’t really do that. The finish it. They are there. But they don’t run it. I’ve always wanted to to run it and, to run it, I need to qualify. 

I think that charity runners are wonderful but, as I said to my friend, maybe there’s a part of me that enjoys the work that comes with a marathon that no one cares about, that is running and racing for me and not for the Monday in April. But, as I also said, maybe that’s also coming from he bitter place of someone who hasn’t qualified and is refusing to get the starting line by another mean right now.

At the End of the Day

Two posts! 

Here’s the Hyannis breakdown because racing season is here! Going into Hyannis we knew the weather was going to be wet and windy and it did not disappoint. I have actually been very lucky with race weather and truthfully I don’t think I’ve raced in rain before (shocking I know. I HAVE played lots is frisbee in it though). 

Anyhow I went in hoping for a 1:45-1:50 because I’ve not really done sped other than OT and I had my knee stuff happening (see previous post). There is ALWAYS the hope of a PR but I know not every race can be done despite 2018. So the weather was like 40, real feel 30 something and it was pouring. I wore a poncho for 11 miles and still got soaked through to my base layer. 

 Sidenote: I don’t actually have a rainproof or even resistant rain coat. I ordered one on Amazon last night... 

The end result of my windy, wet and, at times hilarious, half was 1:45:25. Not to shabby! Third best in my half career and here’s the thing: I had some moments of “oh UGH this needs to stop; I’m not gonna make it” BUT those passed and, with my time, I can actually see a 1:40 somewhere on my horizon. That’s a nice feeling because I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. 

It makes me excited for the future races. I’m still not sure what Providence will bring or if I’m going to up my training, but I like the feeling of there’s still more in me.

Got Your Number

Here’s a good moral: don’t do like I do. 

As previously posted, I’ve been battling with a knee issue that seemed to have come out of nowhere. I took some time off (very little but still - count it!) and I also changed my shoes. Now, about two week from the knee change, no more pain (or we’ll... just the normal pain I have post two knee surgeries). I didn’t do the right thing really; I barely took time off and blamed something else BUT I did begin to stretch more. If anything, because of the quickness and randomness of this pain, it has reminded me (again) to not take my body for granted. I need to remember that I’m abusing my body every day and to consider that when I rest. I need to think more about recovery and stretching. 2019 is just starting and I have to races in my radar - it’s time to remember I’m not necessarily going to bounce back only because I want to. 

This is where my draft ended and I kind of what to pick up right there without deleting it for two reasons. 

The first is that I didn’t post that previously because it was missing something and I realized what it was about a week ago. It was missing the OTHER reason pain sucks. There is the unknown of what is it, will it get better, when will it gets better, etc. But the other part, that part I am so familiar with after two surgeries is how unlike yourself you feel when in pain. I’ve had this to an extreme where I didn’t run for almost a year. I also have it kind of constant but with varying degrees of discomfort. 

When something like my above-mentioned paincomes up it sucks because I dislike myself and how I feel. I don’t feel Whole for so many reasons. I feel like a stranger who is just trying to get by either through force or will or denial neither of which make me feel anymore myself. It makes me feel a little lost and a little like a walking excuse. It makes me change how I go about things in a way I really don’t like. Pain takes so much and, when it is gone or back to normal (whatever that may be) it is amazing how much brighter everything is. Unless you’ve gone through it, it’s hard to explain but that first time you wake up and walk and realize you changed nothing is pure magic and joy. 

Thankfully I’ve got some of that magic back and the pain has subsided. I’m back to normal somewhat but will be trying to address the source of the pain through stretching and even a massage (yessssssss). Pain is humbling and it helps to remember that and to try and avoid it as best you can.

I’m a Warrior

This post was written back in the summer, but I never put it up. Hearing a song made me recall it and finally post it.

This weekend, though, I couldn’t help but think of Mollie Tibbetts. I only know the story from the press and there is nothing more unique about her story then the other ones I’ve heard (or the countless that we haven’t heard). I know she likely wasn’t the only runner, female or male, attacked that day and possibly killed but her story is the one we hear now and is the one making people take pause.

As I ran today, I thought about how I, or any of my friends, could have been or could be Mollie. I did not run on July 18th but I ran four days that week. I’ve run at 5:30am and 7pm at night. I’ve run local loops and new adventure loops. I’ve run in sun, rain and snow. I’ve run with a phone and without a phone. I’ve run in long pants and short shorts. Tank tops and long sleeve shirts. And never have I been afraid when I went out the front door.

With Mollie’s story (or more locally Vanessa Marcotte’s) there becomes a wave of fear within the running world, especially for female runners. I do not think this fear is unwarranted and that makes me so angry. I’m mad because runner’s change their paths because of these crimes. Runner’s change their clothes. They carry mace. They shorten runs or, worse of all, skip runs all together. Something that is supposed to bring joy and health brings fear and pain.

This weekend I thought long and hard about what this means to me as a runner and how it impacts me. As I ran I realized that I am refusing to be afraid right now. I will run because I can and because I can defy those who pray on runner’s because of their vulnerability. I will be cautious because I should be, but I will run because that is all that Mollie, Vanessa and all those whose names I don’t know wanted to do: they wanted to run because it was something they loved and needed just as it is for me.

It is not fair what happened and there is no sense in these stories. Everyone should be able to lace up theirs shoes and enjoy a mile or ten without fear of attack or death. And so I encourage all my friends, male and female, to go and take a run because it is something powerful and beautiful and should not be held captive by fear and hate. 

Young But Not That Bold

it’s been a while since I’ve dealt with an injury that I feel I need to take actual time off. The last time was two years ago post Lei-Out when I thought I had done damage to my new ACL. (I hadn’t). I’ve had little things here and there but I’ve kept at it and pushed through.

I’m now two-ish weeks into knee pain with five days of no running and only limited gym time.  I’m not sure what I did, although I don’t think it’s something worse than inflammation and/or over use but it’s frustrating. I’m worried about the next 3-4 months with the various races I have planned. I’m trying to have patience but it’s hard because... I’m me. It’s hard for me not to workout and, really, to work out hard. I miss that feeling and I can feel myself wah-wahing a bit in life.

I did do OT this am and, while it hurt some during the process, this afternoon it’s no worse than before. I soaked in a bath and am trying Icy Hot. For some reason straight ice hasn’t helped this far. I’m trying to focus on stretching and, assuming I’m coming back and gearing up for Hyannis, I’ll need to keep an eye on how I feel and ease back into this.

I try to always remember that a rest time isn’t an end game decision. There will be more time to come back and figure things out.

My Revival

Much like the past summer, I’m finding myself needing to reboot this new year. Between travel, a cold, THE cold and the sudden start of Providence training I’m a little...well...huh...crap time to focus. So that’s what I’m going to try and do.

F.O.C.U.S.

I wish I could come up with some witty thing that stood for but, nope.

Regardless of the lack of wit, here’s the deal. I need to stay healthy which is a little bit of a worry with some knee pain happening that I can’t quite figure out. But I did survive frisbee so there’s also that. I need to figure out how to balance OT and the run increase of eventually step back from OT. I also need to get use to attempts at speed work in the cold.

I know I can do this I just need to keep at it. While running on Tuesday on the treadmill I heard the song that is the subject here which is what I’m trying to keep in mind. Sometimes you need to not only focus but to acknowledge a new start of that.

Dying on Top of the World*

So the year ended a few days ago while I was on vacation which is not a terrible way to end and begin a new year. As many do, the start of something is a time to reflect and aim for new achievements. Here are some of my reflections:

2018 was a year for PRs which is pretty awesome. I actually had one in EVERY race I ran except for my Turkey Trot which is amazing. I feel very proud of that fact and it’s a testament to how work can pay off. It also makes going into 2019 hard in the fact that I want to keep getting those PRs but now, as is the case, they are harder to reach. That being said, I don’t think I’ve peaked just yet.

I found this summer running for Baystate one of the most mentally difficult times for running. It was a huge series of ups and downs, with the downs really being rough. I felt extremely beat up by the heat and it pushed me through some (a LOT) of doubts. In the end, I think the training went well... I didn’t get injured and had a 8:21 Marathon PR. I also did a lot more miles than before so that change was bound to make me feel it.

And then there’s the Marathon... I still go back and forth. It was a great PR and there are so many stories of professional runners missing their marks and how they keep trying. I know that’s part of the sport and I have run two marathons and they have both gone great so it’s not all a loss. But it was soclose. I can’t help but think, especially are the husband is training for Boston now, why couldn’t I have made up that time. I don’t yet know if I will train for Providence to have it be a BQ attempt or just get my feet wet into the non-intense training for a marathon. We shall see as I have just a bit of time before I need to make that decision. But still... with Baystate I AM proud but there will always be that little bitter taste to it especially if I don’t make it one day.

So now that 2019 has started I’m trying to think about some goals. I’d like to run a 1:40 half which, I think, may be about as fast as I’ll be able to run it. I was thinking it would be fun to find a 5K and try to push it like the end and beginning of 2017 and 2018 last year just to see. And then there is the elusive BQ and if I try a third time this year. I’m going to see how I feel as Providence training starts and go from there. A part of me would like to not mold my summer around a training program but a part of me wonders well what else would I do? I still was able to do all our events and don’t think we’ll do a bigger travel until mid-fall which I can work around. I do want to keep up OT and morning workouts as well as trythe climbing with the husband to keep myself well rounded-ish. I suppose, other than the half goal, I’m not yet sure what I want for 2019 and that’s okay. I am sure the goals and ideas with take shape as the days continue.

* Here I am
Living a dream that I can’t hold
Here I am on my own.
On top of the world,
On top of it all, trying to feel invincible.
Dying on top of the world.