Holding Out for a Hero

As tends to be the case, when I don't have a set plan I find myself wandering around a bit in my training. I am following my RunPlan that I have but it's not really geared towards anything so I'm at about 25-29 miles a week with a long run of ten miles. I have dialed back to only three runs a week because I tend to log two runs also at OT which are anywhere from 1.5-3.1 miles so can add up. I'm climbing a bit more, still only once a week, but I'm seeing some improvement so that's kind of fun. Not sure what I'll ever do with that, but it's a nice time to share with the husband. I do have a 5K tomorrow and I'm slightly wondering if I will be able to potentially when the women or, at least, my age group. It's funny because aside from an Arizona run I did and the Shrewsbury Turkey Trot, running has never something that I go into think I can win unlike some frisbee tournaments or skating competitions. So when I have a race that I think I can actually make "a name" for myself (as much of a name as that may be in a little 5K race) I find it's fun and exciting. I love competition. Always have and I probably always so it's fun to me when there is something more to a race than just the internal competition. The other thing that I like, though, is that I'm not expected to so anything so if I don't do what I think I can do, it doesn't matter. Unlike my other events, specifically skating, there was an expectation which made it stressful. Frisbee had a team component which made it stressful in another way (you had to rely on other people and people relied on you not to mess up). Here this is just me and, really, no one knows my thoughts about what I want to accomplish. In addition to just trucking along with no plan, is that thought that I don't know what I want to do next. After Providence I was so positive about running. I still am, but when I run as the heat and humidity have started to come back, I find myself feeling that exhaustion that I had last summer creep in. I don't know if I WANT to push myself through long runs in the summer or speed workouts after work in the heat. There is something so draining about this weather that is actually a bit of the opposite from what most people think about running. I sometimes just cannot handle this weather and it makes me super frustrated and disappointed in myself so I find summer running to also be harder than winter in the mental sense. So I don't know what I'm up to this training season. I think I may try to run some shorter races and also really try to PR in a half. I'll keep up my distances, but I'm not sure if there's a fall marathon in my future this year. I may lay-low and look to tackle Providence or another spring marathon with a little more vigor than I did this year.

For the First Time in a Long Time

I just wanted to share a few more thoughts post providence Marathon because I feel like they are a little bit different than my post Baystate Marathon. After both of my Baystate marathons I had a sense of accomplishment but also a cloud of disappointment. The second one was especially a hard time for me afterwards. It was a hard fought training program, one that had many ups and many downs, and the race itself was the same way. I truly thought I was on the right track and in many ways I was but just a little bit short. During that race I came close to tears when I realize I just couldn’t pull through and upon finishing realizing how close I was and yet how far away I was I thought my heart sing. I wondered where I lost my time and if I could have made it up and settled on the fact that I am not sure where I could have made it up but I am certain that I could have made it up. I was proud of the improvement in my time but super disappointed in the result. And it took a long time to get over that and in many ways I still haven’t gotten over it since I still need to keep running if I ever want to qualify for Boston. After Providence though I have a happier outlook. I think that race took a lot of grits as I explained earlier that I didn’t really focus on before hand. But now upon finishing and thinking back on it and thinking about my time and how I feel couple days after words I am proud of what I did this past Sunday. I think that it was a better showing in many ways in the previous two marathons. I didn’t put in the training but I still had a result that I can be proud of and having run in that weather and just doing what needed to be done now that it has settled in a bit more I’m happy with the experience and how I finish the race. Also unlike after Baystate in which I wondered if I would decide to do a marathon again this was a positive experience in which I am actually looking forward to running a marathon again and looking forward to potentially pushing myself and trying once more for that elusive goal. It makes me look forward to training hard because I see the result of what I consider to be so so training and there is that thought of what could I actually do if I got myself back out there and really focused it’s made me want to focus on other things which I always have on the back burner including but not limited to better nutrition meditation better food etc. As always. Better stretching. So all in all I’m like how my previous post after last year were filled with a better death and a sadness and some regret I don’t feel at this time I feel a sense of accomplishment in a sense of pride which is something that I greatly enjoyed as many people would look forward to the next chapter and just seeing what I decide to do.

Lady Peaceful

And here we are, again, on the other side of the marathon. This time I split the difference: 3:41:50. Not a BQ, not a PRbut I’m more okay with this than after Baystate. The expectation and work weren’t in this one as much although I won’t say that I didn’t work at this one. I just didn’t work as hard as I had for last year’s Baystate so I’m happy with my result. Also it was a wet and not warm race, although I think the tempature wasn’t too bad until I was done. Granted I ran 24 miles in a poncho so maybe not ideal either... What I will say is the following: afterwards and when my husband mentioned how this race took grit I hadn’t thought about that before but I suppose that’s what this one. Yes people have run much worse ones (I live in Boston and remember 2018) but this was a race where I just went out and did it, not thinking. Also it is the first race where I didn’t have my headphones on and I liked that. It caused a different type of focus. I also really focused on the “let’s try to push and see what happens” once I passed a point where I needed to decide if qualifying was an option. That was a nope, but I think some of that stemmed from the no music and really needing to just focus on the running. Lastly, my legs hurt so bad towards the end but I am proud of keeping it together even with slower splits. I wanted to walk really badly but I didn’t and just allowed myself to slow down and put on foot in front of each other. It was a race that I felt like I lost focus with about 8-9 miles to get which is a tad earlier than I’d want. I think some of that stems from the training that I was missing so the fatiage and discomfort came earlier. Some could have also been the weather and my muscles being colder even if I didn’t totally recognize that or feel it. So here are my take aways: I’m in better base shape than I expected which is pretty cool. I can handle the marathon distance and have yet to have a total implosion which is kind of nice. I think I need to keep up the longer speed training and maybe try the long tempos with a longer base which I’ve kind of done before but not entirely. I also need to try and make my longer runs just a bit longer, more like 23-24 when I get up there. I also want to work on diet more and see how that goes especially before the longer speed and long runs. I may also slowly switch back to AM runs once I get back out there. Which leads me to the point that: yeah, it seems I’ll do another marathon. Not sure if I’ll try to find one in the fall or wait until next fall and focus on Hyannis and Eastern States for the winter. I don’t think I want to try a really train hard for a fall race; I don’t think I’ll have the motivation and winter is too picky. So, we shall see but I think I have a 3:30 in me so maybe I’ll try to race a fall half (1:40 goal) and placing in my local turkey trot. But for now, I am resting and enjoying that.

Sight to See*

Like so many post before here we are on race weekend. I haven’t decided how I feel. If you read the last couple of entries I seem a little schizophrenic about how I feel toward running and training. My last 20 miler still has me worried and I wonder how much a benefit that actually ended up being. Or if, in the end, that will have been something that hurt me so it turns out I didn’t really put in the milrge necessary to carry me through 26 miles The other side of me is wondering if maybe I have it in me. I truly believe that I have a 3:30 Marathon well within my grasp but is it this weekend? Probably not and it’s probably not without a lot more work. But I wonder what I am capable of. And if this is the weekend to try once more to push it. There is a also the concern about not having the endurance or the legs to carry me through and I literally just fall apart. That’s more of a embarrassment worry and something I probably shouldn’t concern myself about because who really cares but it’s always in the back of my mind. I don’t feel like I am actually prepared to race this run but I feel like there’s a part of me that is not capable of not racing. So where would that leave me? But that is where the rubber hits the road and only Sunday will tell me how I do. There’s also that part of me that doesn’t want to feel like I do at the end of the races which I think is in evitable when you run 26 miles no matter how hard you push yourself. It’s never a fun feeling right at the end and I’m not sure how mentally prepared I am for that. But we shall see. I’ll catch you on the other side. *They say it's all been done but they haven't seen the best of me So I got one more run and it's gonna be a sight to see

Will You Catch Me if I Should Fall?

And hereks how the weekend will close: with a 12 mile run that I managed to keep it together during although I wanted to have it be 15 miles. I did a little over 3 1/2 yesterday and, once done, I sat in my driveway texting a friend feeling sorry for myself. I think that the 20 miler I did last week did more harm than good and I’m really concerned about my preparation and position for Providence. I’d always hoped but somehow this could be another attempt at a Boston qualifier but I also wanted to be realistic with my training and just focus on running a marathon and enjoying the training and some time with friends. I think I can still accomplish that although there is that part of me, that part is so desperately wants her in Boston despite the previous post, but wonders if I can do it. With the last week that I had that wonder part of me has gone out in a tiny little ash. I don’t think my body has it in it to be able to Boston qualifying and I don’t think that I should push it because the end result may be a non-finish. So can I hold myself back and simply run a marathon? I suppose we’ll find out but some part of me, that part sitting on the cement feeling sorry for myself, wishes that it wasn’t so. I wish they had done some more work, had not gotten sick, had just tried a little harder so that the idea of a BQ was a little bit more on my radar. I suppose no one can know how to go and you don’t really know entirely how your training helped you interesting. But I know I didn’t put in the time especially as I did for Baystate in 2018. It was maybe similar to Bay State in 2017 but even though I think that I watched a little bit harder than I did. And like I said I feel like this last week actually said that my training as a post to help a lot. In retrospect I probably should’ve ran less last week I did a longer run, maybe even my last 20 miler like my friend it, this weekend. But hindsight is exactly that and there’s nothing I can do to change what I’ve already done other than to push forward and in some ways hope for the best but focus on reality.

You May Be Right*

I seem to be having a hard couple of weeks. The prior post was actually done almost a month ago but I just put it up there today. That was a time in which I felt that things were a little bit more together in terms of my running. I still don’t feel like I am Kylie off. But there have been some issues lately. 40 in memory concerns I’m going to start backwards. Today I have a head cold which started yesterday. I was supposed to do my speed work and decided to move that to tomorrow, health pending. What that means is I now have an extra day of rest that I had a plan so I am trying to shift around my schedule. I think whatever result in is the proper mileage but that a little bit differently. All that is fine but we are coming on such a crunch time that it makes me a little uncomfortable to deviate it off of the schedule. I have to remember that having certain deviations is OK and nothing is for certain and one missed right especially because of the cold probably won’t change the outcome. Before the cold I had the Boston weekend. I feel like that should be in all caps: BOSTON WEEKEND. It’s hard to summarize it properly but it involved a visit to the vet ER, working six days in a row in which I never woke up past 6 AM it felt like if not actually was accurate. Ready to 20 miler which was Cibilo the worst run I have ever had. And having family members in town which made things very difficult to find peace and quiet. My husband also ran Boston which is wonderful for him but not the easiest pill to swallow for me. I obviously hope that one day I will have my chance there but each year that goes by and each year that I see everyone who does want it I get a little bit disheartened in various ways. It is such an amazing event and people do amazing things either by time standards or money standards but after seeing everyone I do at the expo there’s a part of me that finds I’ve lost some of my luster towards the event. That being said all of that could be attributed to the bitterness I have not yet having reach the standard I want to in order to run it. I think it’s maybe a combination of all things and something that if I ever qualify I will probably have the exact same approach the weekend but from the outside you like to think that it would be different for you. And then before that I was having serious sciatica issues? Hip issues? Leg issue? Hard to say but it was pretty painful and I eventually had to put a hold on my OT for the month. That probably is a good call as I reach taper land but it was a difficult time. The silver lining with that one is it seems to have gotten better. I still have some discomfort but is not what it was. I think I was overworking it and maybe the rowing wasn’t helping especially with all the running I was doing. Yeah let me talk about last weekend 20 miler. I went into it after working the Boston expo which is probably not a great idea because your food intake is totally off and I had a late dinner that was in retrospect and maybe even an presentspect way too rich. The end result was a 20 miler that for the first five I was concerned about but I was riding with someone else for the next three I was even more concerned about but still ride with someone else. The next eight or so I’ve been having more a terrible decision it which I found myself in such distress that I didn’t necessarily know how I was going to get back to a safe place. I eventually did it felt better and thought that I could continue on my way to finish the last five or so miles. That was my 12 mistake? Hundredth mistake? Hard to say. But no matter how you slice it the run took everything out of me and I was entirely beat up. It wasn’t a successful run overall timewise because of how much starting and stopping I did it which I did stop my watch so my Pace looked OK but the overall pace would really have made over a 10 minute mile for the 20. It was my last 20 miler and I’m not sure how much benefit it had. I suppose the one real benefit of it was running when I was entirely done. Had a Nother 6 miles to go I don’t think I would have made it but you never now so maybe there was a benefit despite all the bad decisions that happened. How old is this to be said that with the Boston marathon just happened in the mail marathon coming up I always turn my eyes for looking for that Boston qualifier. I’m not sure I have anything close to it in me but there’s a part of me that thinks I just have to try but then will I ruined my race. Probably. But do I go for anyways? Probably. It’s a hard thing to face when you know that you haven’t done what you needed to do but you still have some of that desire in particularly you know that you probably won’t have another shot this year just given the time and effort that goes into this type of training. My body also is craving of rest and I know I have to do it so even if I felt I just missed the mark I don’t think I could try again this probably need to wait till 2020. It’s hard to say and I still have some time but I just wanted to get out there all the ways in which I feel ill prepared well maybe mentally prepared. *I may be crazy. But it just may be a lunatic You’ve been looking for. Turn out the light. Don’t try to save me. You may be wrong for all I know You may be right.

Forever Young

I recently ran the eastern states 20 miler. I was using it as my long run, first 20 miler in the books!, So was focused on trying to keep the pace relatively slow and more akin to a long run as a post to a race. I did pretty well with that attempt, running at an 831 pace. It was an OK run over all. I had some mental issues pretty quickly into the run and had a hard time staying focused but I was able to finish it. I can’t tell if I am just sort of burned out with long-distance running or if it was something more to do with the day. Who is to say. Shrug. What I will say is that course is probably one of the prettiest that I’ve run on. It was also a great weather day for that race. This time of year is always tricky and you never know what you’re going to get. Even though I did have a hard time in the race it did go smoothly and it made me appreciate something that is very unique to long-distance runner: I went out and did 20 miles like it was just a typical Sunday. Sure I was pretty tired a little sore and definitely starving but it was something that I was able to do and do with relative ease. There is a lot of history in a lot of work that went into getting me to that point but it is still something that’s pretty awesome and unique. Even as I wander what this next Marathon will bring and if I at all have a chance of qualifying I’m trying to remember how lucky I am to be a part of the sport and to be above average at it. I’m not a professional and I’ll never make money off of it but I am a little bit more talented than your average Joe at it. It’s something that makes me unique and something that I enjoy so even through the long run. Physically demanding or mentally difficult it’s good to remember that this is something that I get to do not something that I have to do.