Dancing in the Dark

Sometimes I have to remember that unexpected off days (not entirely days off because those are different and can be avoided) will happen. Today we had snow/sleet/rain such that going on a run outside or at the gym was pretty much a no go. I bet I could have tried the gym but there is something to be said about being smart and not risking a Very Steep Hill for a 4 miler inside. So I took to SWORKIT and did about a 20 minute workout and am working on being okay with that. This one non-planned day is okay. And truthfully I could have fixed it with trying the hill or, more reasonably but not entirely, going in the early morning. But sometimes inaction is okay and won’t me much in the long run (pun only kind of intended).

I’ll Bring Thunder

Running without a plan can be difficult. I think that’s true for most people and I find myself generally wandering, trying to keep up miles, but not sure in what way. Is there are reason to strength train? Sure. Always. But it’s harder to motivate yourself if there isn’t a reason right there that you can cross off a day of work done and look at what’s next.

That being said, I’m doing okay this winter. I had a very exciting and successful go at frisbee in LA. I brought back so many warm memories and desires. I reminded me of who I once was and offered me a look at who I could be once again. Frisbee was Me for a very long time. I was (am?) good st it fairly naturally although with the younger players starting so much sooner if I began now it may have been different. But for when I played, I was good and brought talent to a team. With my two ACL replacements, five years apart, how I played changed and eventually stopped. There is a part of me that will always wonder what if and a part of me that will always be a little incompleteness at having that torn (yes pun intended) away from me without my consent. But stuff happens and you move on. Having played this beach tournament and been fairly competent on our team (I did get almost all the spirit awards/player awards) after not touching a frisbee for a year reminded me that maybe I could do this again.

But then I think and remember. The pain. The recovery. The loss of freedom. The lingering issues I still have and know that it’s never going to be the same and who knows what could happen. So I try to take that fire I had on a beach in LA that was born of so many other games, throws, victories and losses and bring it to my running. 

This may be who I am now. I will not be as good of a runner as I was a frisbee player but I can be good at this to my liking. I can win some things and I can win things for myself. I am finding satisfaction in this and trying to find more. It is lonelier than frisbee but there is a community and there is support. So, as winter drags and I wonder about motivation and what’s next, I try to think that EVERYTHING is next and that is something to work towards.

And if, once or twice a year, I get to play a game of frisbee and remember my youth and my love of that sport and be reminded who I was at a time and who I still am, that’s still something.  

Top of the World

And now we enter a new year and, with it, new goals. In closing out last year, I managed to hit many of my goals which is rewarding. The first was obviously running a marathon, even if I didn’t BQ. At times I get such a warm feeling knowing that I did that and that I am a marathoner. It was a lot of work, but there is a lot of joy that came from it.

The new goal, as quickly posted, was running over a thousand miles (I ended at 1039.9 - how much do I wish that was 1040 now...). This is something I’ve had wanted to do in the past, but injuries always held me back. It’s not surprising I managed to do it this year and, one goal for 2018, is to do it again.

And my last goal that wasn’t a goal until I thought about it was placing in races. Post-marathon I realized I could probably do well at a local 5 miler and I did. Then the husband and I signed up for a 5K shindig at my parent’s house and I realized I could probably do well there... and I did! First in my age group (2nd overall for females) in the last race of 2017! It was such a rush and I really enjoyed the 5K race. It was a fun mental game of when do I push, when do I breathe, when do I follow and when do I pass. It hurt but because you can think the whole time I found I really liked it. I don’t think the 5K will be a race I focus on but I like the idea of adding a few small ones in. I will add my first race of 2018 was 12:10 had my finish second overall for the females (no age groups) and I lost to someone I beat in the prior race. It was a good run and I needed to try a move sooner, but now I know and liked the mental and physical thought process I took from in.

So, in 2018 here are some of my running related goals:
Run Baystate again and BQ
1:45 or under half marathon. I think I can go faster but I’ll start with this time.
Focus on leg strength and agility at least one a week to improve flexibility and strength.
Try a local race (besides my turkey trot) and look for a place in age group.
Run 1,000 miles plus.
And enjoy! Keep having running be that thing you love that is an identity and a positive impact on your life.

And In The End

One goal that I’ve had in the past is to run 1,000 in a year. I hadn’t thought about it this year despite having the Marathon plan. Turns out, just yesterday after a 2 mile treadmill run, I met 1,000 miles for 2017! It was a subtle thing and I realized I would have done it a few weeks ago, but it’s still exciting. Another goal in this year of various running goals.

Fantasy Freeing

The Trot was yesterday and, guess what: I got third in my age group! Challenge meet and accomplished. I am not sure if I get a prize but that's okay. I had a goal and this one I achieved. The race was 37:02 so a 7:24 which was faster than I had hoped. I felt pretty good; I think I have faster in my but I feel like I did a pace that took focus and work. The end was hard and I dug deep with only a little slowing down. Overall, I'm quiet content and it makes me feel that accomplishment that, at times, I find lacking from Bay State. I may not be the best but I can be good and it makes working for something seem like fun and a goal to keep aiming towards (once I find the next goal... which I guess is at 1:45 half).

Little notes: aiming to do 30 burpees for 30 and day one was today's and done! Also, I think my 1:45 half goal will be attempted in March at the New Bedford half.

IMPORTANT UPDATE: Turns out I got second in my age group!

Walk the Moon

So I'm trying to find my groove right now. I'm not lost with running- I'm back to it and keeping it normal with a tempo here or there for my five miler. Turns out I won't be able to do Hyannis so I guess I'm going to sort of recreate 2017 with the Run to Remember and then Bay State Redemption.

It's been interesting over the last few weeks as things have settled. I go back and forth between "holy moly I'm a marathoner and not too shabby of one" to "what the heck, why didn't you just push harder?!?" I'm also getting somewhat excited to try next year and really focus more. I know what's it's sort of like now and I think that I can do it and have the mental focus this time to really think the whole run. I am also thinking I'll have an idea of what to add next training session.

But, at the end of it alol, I did do a marathon and I can finally say that. Now it's just a matter of finding what to do until take two.

Not All Who Wander are Lost

Almost a week later and here where I'm at...

There is a part of me that despite my satisfaction with how I ran is now starting to be evaluated think weight could I have made up those minutes that I needed to? And more importantly I can't believe I really have to do this again. That is sort of where I'm at now too: it's not a question of if I do it again but a question which one I am going to attempt to qualify at. A lot of that has to do with the fact that I am not entirely okay being the only one of us that didn't qualify despite the fact I am probably one of the fastest female runners of my group of friends that I know. But at the end of the day I want to be able to say that I qualified and I know that I was so close and that I believe I can actually do this it is just a matter of once again putting in the time of the dedication.

Originally I began to think maybe I would try this again in May and sort of just try to get it over with as well as potentially run the same Boston as my husband. But upon further evaluation, especially after the week I had in which I am pretty sure I still do not feel okay, I think that I need more time.  Because I am always want to try and find vindication in an action I have about 80% made up my mind that I will try to qualify for Boston at Baystate again in 2018. Of course this means that my husband and I would potentially run different Boston's but that's okay.  I Deleigh he'll get to have his race and I'll get to have mine and we can both be the support staff for the other person.

In the meantime I'm a little bit lost and what I do from now. I have decided that setting goals is pretty much the only way I will stay on top of a functional runner. So these are my next two goals:

1.  Try to place at the local turkey trot that I do here. Last year I did the 5 mile run at a 7:43 pace  and ended up seventh in my age group. The person who got third did it at a 730 pace and I am pretty sure if I jump back into speed work in the near future I could do that. So that is goal number one.

2.  Run a 1:45 half marathon at Hyannis. This can get a little tricky because the training will be done in winter and it's a little bit harder to focus on doing any sort of speed work. But I think that it is something I can do especially if we have a reasonable race day climate.

So there you have it. I wasn't successful in what I had hoped to accomplish but that doesn't mean that you can't set your sights on something else and hopefully it'll make me feel a little less lost and a little bit better focused for 2018.