Expected Joy

Yesterday was the a local 5K that's been around for nine years of which I've done for seven years (twice virtual). It's a good race for a good cause and I greatly enjoy being able to support the foundation. The 5K route has changes little bits over the year, but the one constant is the last half mile or so to the finish which is up a drive way entrance to the parking lot of a ski lodge. It is toooough. 

The first 1.5 miles is all downhill, but it's not enough to make up for the little bit back up and then this hill. It is enough for you too run too fast and then die. I've done that (last year was the worst) and I also can hear and see others do the same. 

This year I didn't have an expectation going in and actually convinced myself I wouldn't race since the marathon was fairly recent and I've only been bopping along. But it's hard not to go when the stat happens so I did and I felt like I was mentally in a good spot. I started quick and then eased myself back for the remainder of the downhill knowing that, in years past when I've bombed a sub-seven minute mile I feel much more apart at the next 1.5 miles. I didn't look much at my watch (still in auto lap mode) and went by feel. When we took the turn to head back I said to myself "okay, now it when the hard work begins". I didn't shy away from it and aimed to embrace it.

I had a couple guys around me and latched on just passed mile two, trying to be pulled by them and then I realized I was the one pulling them which was fine so I just kept going. The driveway was brutal as always, but I jogged it and then regrouped at the top (passing two women on the way). The stomach was tense for a couple steps after the touch spot, but I got it back under control. There was no one to try and catch so I just ran.

Turns out I ran nearly a PR on this course and I won my age group. I had some tummy tumbles right at the end, but held it together. I was happy with this and it was a nice boost after Bayshore (which still wasn't BAD, but it wasn't what I wanted) so it was nice to have a victory this time. My husband got second overall, fun to seem him in the front pack at the turn around) and also won his age group. 

It was a good day.

And, even though it wasn't a PR technically, it was the first time I did the last mile in under eight minutes so that's pretty neat.

My achilles is very pissed at me so I need to try and address that. I'm hoping this little push may be some of the hump I need to get over and the dusting myself off. Ideally, I'll be able to manage this achilles things and start to bring in my, even optimistic, strength training in the mix. My mom comes into town this Wednesday so there will be a little less running which isn't a bad thing (not like I'm doing a ton, but you get what I mean).

Think of London and the Girl

There's not much to my workout/running these days. It's just some miles when I feel like it or what coach has put on the schedule. The plan is to do a fall half with a few shorter races sprinkled in. We're starting to get summer-like weather and, with that, comes the humidity. I always say I'm going to handle it better *this year* and always do it the same.

But THIS YEAR!

Meh, who knows, but it's always a goal.

One silly issue that gets in the way is these aligners because it makes a whole Thing of taking anything other than water. Luckily, I am closer to the end then the beginning so I don't hate the idea of being less strict with them, but I also don't want to have an issue or undo the work that I had done.

This week I logged 10.50 miles and they were all fine. Not much to write home about, but they didn't feel like a chore and nothing screamed at me so that's all good. I may see how morning runs fit in this go around, but, very much like managing the humidity, most of that is just wishful thinking.

But I Did Not Lose

Coming back into running is taking a bit this go around. Last year, I was riding the high of my race turnout and was ready to go! right away. The body needed time, and a hard Marcotte 5k definitely highlighted that, but I was instantly excited for the next thing.

The year before with Providence I was emotionally not ready but physically and mentally I needed to get going again to prove I was okay. I got out pretty quick and just kept going all the way into getting a coach.

This year I’m not sure where I’m at. There’s a bit of emotional whiplash from this block with home and work. It was a lot of work to get through this block and I feel like I’m still recovering. I feel like I’m needing the ability to say no to running but I also hate that. So I’m saying kinda to it.

Today’s run was the first since Bayshore were I felt a bit like my old self with some pep and not just awkward aches and things. It seems like running is waiting for me which is nice and I’ll get there soon.

Tomorrow is the Marcotte 5k which I’m pretty sure I’ll go to and just see what happens. But if I wake up and I feel like crap I won’t.

And I'll dream each night of some version of you.That I might not have, but I did not lose. Now you're tire tracks and one pair of shoes. And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do.

So Put Your Best Face on Everybody

I’m just out of Bayshore training and went back to the road for the first time. I certainly felt myself slipping in some life decisions in terms of food and beverages and non-exercising so getting the running shoes back on was a good idea.

The 3 miles were slow and a little awkward but not bad. It is Global Running Day so I sort of *had* to run.

I don’t yet know if I’m excited for a training block (I have time to get there) but I am happy to be working back into a routine.

At the End of the Day

I give myself some space to relax and, really, sort of fall apart or let go. 

One week. 

One week of eating mostly what I want, having drinks, little exercise. Just enough to relax and just start to feel bad enough that you want to get it back together. 

So today is the end. Tomorrow is back to the old me. Maybe not quite as dedicated as when in the middle of a training block, but back on a track. 

*there’s another day dawning

Bayshore Marathon - Part Two

Here's where I'm trying to actually see what I can breakdown from the race and the weekend to see where I can take measures to do better or even to just reflect.

The travel went well and I actually don't think it had any negative impact on my running. I expect it could if things went bad, but that's true of just about anything race week. If we travel again for a race, I think I'd like a slightly early landing time, maybe aim to be at the destination around 3-4pm, but we were still able to grab a reasonable dinner and have a good sleep.

The staying close by the day before was good and we were able to drive up with ease. Again, I don't think this part had anything bad and the expo was easy and quick. The drive was long, but not so long that you felt totally busted up by it. We figured out dinner plans which I would have liked for about an hour earlier, but I think the meal size and type was fine and that, although I'll take about food, wasn't the issue the next day.

The first issue I noticed was the place we stayed had a fridge that was at the entirely wrong volume for me. Some of this extreme focus is of course because of the race day stress, but that thing allowed me no rest. There was also my husband who clearly was agitated  and, although I feel asleep around 10pm when did some move or over-exaggerated sigh that woke me up and I truly never went back to sleep. Like Newport, I got about 3-4 hours of sleep but it was all the stress and sadness and anxiety that really hit me. I tried so hard and got so little. I know that has an impact, but I also know a bad sleep is somewhat expected.

For food in the AM I had bread, but no toasted. I have some PTSD from Providence which is when I had the same thing and I think the bread, either because it really does or mentally it does, sits too heavy. I managed to eat (and was somewhat hungry) but I never felt light afterwards.

Getting to the race was okay. There was some stress about parking, but it worked out and we paid to stay in a little pre-race spot which was great. I would definitely do that again and, if at other races, opt for it. It allowed for a stress free spot once we parked. Not ideal was my husband decided now was the time to share some crap about how he blamed me and was mad at me the night before for doing this. As if he is child. That actually hits me harder now than it did there. I also am more focused on it because I think I know when I woke up how that came to be so I'm frustrated. 

But we just hung out there, I awkwardly said hello to Dakota Popehna and then we were off.

I positioned myself by the 3:30 pacer, but I already could feel something off about the day, be it my motivation or my physical aspect of the race, I just wasn't confident in what I was about to do and holding it for 26.2 miles. I am not sure why that it. I think I worry so much about how far it is and what happens if (when) I reach a point and I not only can't hold my pace, I can't finish the race? It turns out, because I finished this race but not in the pace I wanted, perhaps I should just try and see because I am not sure how much of a fan I am of *this* feeling.

I am not great at retelling my race in terms of knowing exactly what happened and when. I know at around 5-7 miles I started to make the deal that it was okay if I didn't reach my goal and, because of out personalities, it was better if my husband made his. I began to say that it was okay because the block was good and hard and life was hard, so just getting here was enough. I started to give myself an out while not actually slowing down, but not pushing to get back on pace. I also convinced ,myself I had to pee and did at mile 11 so that was one of my 9 minute mile splits. I pulled out an 8:01 and 8:02 after that so, while I'm not sure if I had to stop, something mentally said I did and I lost sometime but I also made up some.

I crossed 13 at 1:47:41 which had me a little behind (although when I was running and doing racing math I thought I was still at a 3:35 pace - nope). I felt good then and thought just hold on and maybe you'll do something. Then around mile 16-17 I was having some tummy issues. There may have been a few before as I stopped taking salt tab, legit just spit one out with a solid, nope!, but around there I was running looking for a bathroom. I thought, for sure, I had to do a number two and was worried I was close to a real problem. I crossed mile 17.4 at 2:24:37 which (doing that math now not then) was holding the same pace as at the half. Looking at the spits, right at 18 is when the pace dropped by about 10-20 second a mile. I pulled off at mile 21 (the second 9 minute mile of the race) and did not need to number 2 but did have some gas. I think the stopping was a good idea, but I also wonder if I had just paused for a moment, farted to be frank and moved on, if that would have been good too. The relief at seeing the bathroom thought was legit.

I had some splitting my watch issue but the last two miles I got back to 8 and I did, even though I don't think it counts, realized I could get a Strava PR if I pushed and I did. I took the turn onto the track for the last 100 meters and a blood blister popped where I actually felt the liquid in my shoe. I had to hobble a bit, not able to catch the person in front of me, but was so glad it didn't happen earlier because that hurt a lot. 

I crossed the line and saw 3:38 and knew I missed the A and the B1 goal. I saw my husband quickly there after and met up. He got his goal, sub-3, and I said some nasty thing to him about the block and missing my goal. I regret that but... there was some honesty there too. I got a little teary and then just shut it down. I kind of wished we had visited and hung out a bit more but instead we went searching for the car. The big downside to him running faster is he's all ready to go once I'm done where as I'm just finishing.

I actually didn't feel awful. The feet hurt a lot (still kind of do and I'm going to lose a big toe nail) but the stomach was okay. I think my fueling was fairly good overall and, given the weather, it was easier than it could have been. I could have taken in a bit more water, but took in more than I have any marathon so I feel like I'm learning a bit there. 

A lot of the frustrating and being mad at myself then stems from the fact that I didn't feel totally wrecked and wasn't like vomiting. That tells me I could have done more out there. I feel like there's this mental switch I just can't flip during the race to pull myself out of a funk and try. It happened at Newport too where, I feel like if I looked at my watch with 10-7 miles to go and actually paid attention, I could make a difference, but I can't seem to get that focus to happen. I've done some math and if I hadn't stopped to use the restroom and was able to keep the pace around those stops that would have been about 2 minute and then, if I had just picked my damn head up with 7 miles to go and tried to shave off 5-15 seconds that could have been 35 second to 1:45 off and... there's the BQ.

But...I could have also peed myself or actually had a GI distress. I could have not done that, but it all sounds so easy. I know that this is work, I know ow it takes time and that a breakthrough could always be right around the corner. I know that consistency is it's own type of greatness and the ability to show up health and in shape especially after the training block I had during the work I had, is something. 

But it's not what I wanted and hoped for. That is life though too. You can't always get what you want.

I am not sure where I'm at in terms of what's next. I'll do my short summer races, not yet sure of the goals, and I'll do a fall half with friends hopefully. Also not sure of the goal there. And then I'll have to think about next spring. There is always the small thought of a fall marathon, but that seems a bit big right now so I'll let that one just sort of settle and see how I feel. Work took some turns the last few days so the extremely stressful summer I expected has actually shifted a bit, go figure. I may also consider two half this fall, an early and late just for something different with some being a goal and some being for fun. We'll see. I do feel a little bit like the world is my oyster whereas after Newport I felt ready to take on the world.

I am wondering this one again next year. It's a good race and a nice little trip that is different. The husband has promised to be my full support crew during the block, but we shall see. He is nothing if not fickle when it comes to emotions and what he thinks he is missing out on or not getting from me.

For now, I'm just going to keep letting this one settle over me. I am going to own the disappointment, but also recognize the success especially amongst one of the ore stressful parts of my work life. Even a "bad" marathon is a success in its own way.

A (Gentle) Reminder

 I was watching the French Open and you see the notes about the favorites, or top players, who did not advance. It's a reminder that failing, or not reaching goals, happens to everyone. And my running is my fun past time. It is not my livelihood, it is not my job, it is not, to be honest, my full identity. 

Those players will grieve, be mad, be sad, be frustrated and a number of other emotions that I also am, but they will also show up again and play again. 

I am not ready to show up again, but I probably will.

Bayshore Marathon - Part One?

There are a lot of thoughts this with one. I go back and forth between trying to sort out my feelings on it. Overall I'm disappointed. But it was also not a terrible day. I ran a 3:38:42 per the official results. Per my Strava I hit the marathon distance at 3:36:590 which shows as a PR. But that doesn't really count for anything other than on Strava.

I think, overall, I'm mad at myself. From the very get-go I gave myself an excuse or an out if I didn't hit the goal. I was mentally out of it almost from the start (or as much as one can be when they still finish a marathon). I think I was just done. I had a really good training block, but it was riddled with stresses at home and work. It consistent of pretty much constant anxiety and management that, when race day came after the travel, dealing with the husband, shitty sleep, I just didn't have the willpower anymore it felt like. 

My stomach was heavy form the get-go so I'll refuse to eat just plain bread again. I will refuse to sleep in a place that isn't perfect, even if the sleep doesn't follow. I feel like I started to have some actual stomach questions with about 12-10 miles to go, looking for a toilet for about two miles, and that just was one more reason to not push. But I was so close and I think back if I hadn't stopped twice (about 2:30 of lost time) and if I just looked and pushed like 7 miles out, I could have made it.

I think I'm frustrated that I didn't have the mental fortitude that I seem to have in everything else. Perhaps it was because that's all that I did and do so I also felt sorry for myself during this run and made it okay to not reach a goal. Perhaps some part of me wants to have this pity aspect. Who knows. 

I do know that I need a break. A bit break from a lot of things. I need time to heal and sort some times out. As Coach Bennett says: this is about running, but this is also not about running.

I think this will likely be part of of a few of my thoughts about this race and racing/training in general.

Training Log May 19th-May 25th

There isn't much to report this week as all I'll be doing beforehand is 4 and 3 miles, both of which went fine when I did them on Tuesday and Wednesday respectively. This week really is more about remaining calm, getting myself prepped both for work and for the race, and figuring out my goals and game plan.

I reached out to my coach saying:

Right now I’ve got the A Goal of 3:30-3:35, B1 Goal of a PR (3:37) or B2 under 4 hours* and C Goal of have fun (which is the goal on any of these) but also to reflect on the training plan and the enjoy the trip. 

*I know that is a big gap but the way that I’m feeling is if it seems like it’s not gonna be an A or a B1 day I still want to have a goal that makes me want to keep trying even if the wheels are falling off which is something more substantive than just “have fun”.

She seems to think I have a 3:30-3:35 given my training and I think so to, but I'm not going to only focus on that. I replied to her that, when I ran Providence and had such an epic fail I wanted redemption and that was Newport. Newport I almost needed it to go well to prove to myself that Providence was the fluke (delisted the fact I have four other marathon to support that). Having done what I did there, which was still short of the Big Goal but also was a Good Day, I don't think I have that pressure on me with this marathon.

The training block went well, but there were hiccups, both physical and mental. I didn't have to take that much time away and really, overall, hit the workouts and long runs, but there was the constant mental strain that also took something out of this one and out of me. I both ran peacefully when I was in my miles and with a cloud of anxiety. It was an interesting way to train and I think that I am okay with however Saturday goes.

There is also the fact that the point of this race is the adventure which means there can be things that just do not go well. We shall see but I hope that I feel okay coming away from this one.

Training Log May 12th-May 18th

May 12th: Rest day!

May 13th: The taper workouts always hit different. There’s this want for them to feel perfect but everything is starting to build against that including your brain. The workout was 2@MP, 2x1@HMP and 4x400@5k. I didn’t do this at my normal park as it was toasty outside and I was hungry so I did it on the Main Street of my town. It’s hilly and my legs were sort of beat. I mostly hit the paces but it felt hard(er) than I would have liked. The splits were: 7:44, 7:42, 7:14, 7:23, 7:07, 7:17, 6:59, and 7:08.

May 14th: Just keeping the legs going while keeping myself somewhat chill. Little less than six outside which went fine. 

May 15th: Rest!

May 16th: I just didn’t really feel like an outside run and just sort of wanted to zone out and watch tv so that’s what I did. I also thought about doing my workout today but it was warmer than I wanted and post work so melts with the schedule. 

May 17th: This was quite a humid day and I was worried about the tempo (4@MP) because I didn’t want to miss it and have that hang over me going into race week. But I also didn’t want to not try so I laced up and went to my road. I did this out and back to keep the ups and downs somewhat equal. I managed to hit the splits 7:57, 8:02, 7:55, 7:59. The effort was higher with the humidity and the rolling hills but it didn’t deflate me so that’s a win. 

May 18th: Last long run which was 9 miles. The stomach was a tad upset which may have been all the cheese or the growing stress that seems to come with race day but I kept it chill and got it done. 

Training Log May 5th-May 11th

May 5th: Enjoying the rest day after the long run workout.

May 6th: A 9 mile easy workout on a weekday? Yeah, not going to happen (although I did look back at this week last year, for reasons to come, and I did it then, go figure). But I got in a little over 7 and reached out the Coach who just tacked on a few extra miles in the week.

May 7th: Another little rest day, love it.

May 8th: The workout was 6 miles at MP and then 4x400. I was worried weather was going to roll in and almost bailed to do it at home on the tread, but held out and turns out, I made it before the storm came into existence. It was a little humid which I'm glad for as I try to embrace the warm and heavy running just as something that is. The splits for the miles were 7:59, 7:57, 7:56, 7:58, 8:01 and 7:47. I felt pretty good during them and am still trying to embrace the keep calm at this pace and just hang out. The 400s were just run paces and those were: 6:49, 6:37, 6:48 and 6:40. I wore the MetaSpeed Sky Paris for the speed parts.

May 9th: This run was suppose to be 7 but after drama I only got to 4.5, I'm frustrated with this because it's due to an outside force. I don't think something like that, especially at this stage, truly matters, but it's really flecking annoying.

May 10th: We've been having a bit of rain and that was present this AM. I think I could have ran in the afternoon and been fine, but I didn't want to run too close to the end of the day with a long-ish run on for Sunday. So tread it was. I got to watch some TV which is nice and got to my 8 which is also nice.

May 11th: Long run day. On deck was 13 and, clearly, you have to go to at least 13.1 which I did plus .1. It went fine. Maybe a tad heavy with the legs, but I'm not too surprised with the last three days on the leggies. I like this time of the training, before the taper scares set in, where it's "only" 13 miles.

And now begins the weather checking and packing lists.

Training Log April 28-May 4th

April 28th: You know what the was.

April 29th: The week day long run that is just that bit too long to make sense. This was supposed to be 8 miles, but I got in just over 7 and that was entirely fine. Once I hit the hour mark on a weekday it just is a bit too much especially since there's some form a cooldown or a walk depending on what's happening.

April 30th: This was another previous workout that I'd done. 3-2-1 miles with the 3 and 2 at MP and the 1 and HMP with .5 between sets. When I looked last time I did this one way too fast and I also remember sort of cheating, meaning I stopped to use a restroom which gets the heart rate down. This time I wanted to keep the splits closer to MP where called for to just sit in that pace. I managed to do that pretty well with the splits: 8:02, 7:57, 7:55, 7:58, 7:55 and 7:32. I found that the MP pace was not something that skyrocketed my heart rate or made me feel out of control which was good. I also focused on remaining calm and collected when at those paces because, ideally, I'll be at that pace for a while.

May 1st: "It's gonna be May." Also rest day.

May 2nd: Well this day go away from me at work at the plan to be home timely, to run on my Main Street, and enjoy my Friday resulted in me getting home an hour and a half later than planned. My other original plan was to long run on Saturday which, viewing the temps, I was sort of iffy about, but with the late return from work and wanting to get in my miles, this all went out the window. It was frustrating and I worked hard to not have it derailed me. I was somewhat successful. I did the prescribed 7 miles on the treadmill (which started at 6:45pm!) and still managed to eat an okay meal and get to bed somewhat decent. I now shifted to long run on Sunday and the 6 miles on Saturday unless I woke up ready to go for the 20 miler.

May 3rd: I did not wake up ready to go for the 20 miler. But I did get in a very lovely 6 mile run on a local rail trail. It was warmer out so I just kept myself calm with a low effort and it was really nice.

May 4th: This was the last long run and it was a spicy one too. The plan was 7 mile warmup 3 miles at MP, 1 mile recovery three times with a 2 mile cooldown. I woke up early (which my watch had my sleep as optimal and at 90%, what?!?) and was at least beginning the run around 8:30. It was higher in temp and humidity then I think I handle well so I was already sort of making deals with myself and excuses that, if I couldn't do this, I have something to blame. The first loop around the lake made me feel less than optimistic about the pick-ups, but I told myself to try. I regrouped just a little but before the tempo started. The 3 miles actually felt okay. I felt like I was in control and wasn't overheating or at risk of dehydrating etc. I kept myself on a UCAN every 3.5 miles and took in salt tabs. I drank about 10 ounces of water which I think is still low, but I didn't feel awful. Each mile I just kept saying run the mile you're in and I kept an eye on the paces to stay within the MP goal. The splits were: 8:04, 8:01, 7:53, 8:02, 8:08, 7:55, 8:04, 7:58, 7:57. I enjoy that the last mile is always the fastest.

This was a workout where I realized that, although I really hope the marathon goes well, this was perhaps one of the best workouts I've had and easily one of the best long runs. I felt like I was in control even when there were moments with a little lack of control an spikes in effort/heart rate/stomach what's up. It was just good and an accomplishment. I am proud of this and that's something special.

Training Log April 21st-27th

April 21st: Rest day and, boy, is it needed. I am pretty wrecked today post that 20 miler. It is also Boston Marathon day so I was able to watch that a get in a small walk which didn't really help, but we'll pretend that it did.

And, let's just say, as I've gotten older, Boston Marathon still stings, but not as much. Maybe, just maybe, it's not all that matters for my running career.

April 22nd: I 100% need to move the workout to tomorrow. I had a nice exchange with Coach about the "failed" long run on Sunday. It makes everything seem that much better and not like it was a failure. I'm going to try and aim to keep the positive vibes this week which is not the easiest thing right now. I got in 6 miles after work at the house and that was good. Felt just normal about it but there was a lot on the brain so also felt heavy.

April 23rd: Big workout day: 7 miles at MP. Today was a first real glimpse of spring/summer weather that I'd be running in because I had no other time. I had a slightly shorter warmup (about 1.23) and then began to dance. I definitely felt like I should have brought water, but I just aimed to not focus on that and just try to move. I did the Lake Loop which isn't flat, but not like at my house. I managed to hold for all seven miles too: 7:46, 7:48, 7:50, 7:56, 7:56, 7:57, 7:55. There was a fad starting so that's always a tad worrisome when you think of how much farther there is to go at that pace, but it's all good. I really, truly am trying to enjoy this process as much as one can and not focus on what happens at the race.

April 24th: Rest day!

April 25th: And here's where I'm back to my anxiety and trying to make sure I don't face an issue. I am having some difficulty sleeping, not too bad, but enough, and it's mostly around work and running with life. It's really annoying and today I woke up at 4:30 and was like "okay go run sop you don't have to face an issue later" but I also didn't want to because I feel like I shouldn't have to run at 5am to avoid problems. But then I couldn't sleep... soooooo, I got up and ran. It was supposed to be 8 though and because of the time and tummy it was 4.2 so then I spiral about the distance and how frustrating it is to miss out on the plan because of others.  Do I think a missed 3.8 miles means I have a failed marathon? No. But do I think a constance missing of a few miles here and there will? Yes. I am finding my frustrating levels growing and I just wish that I could have a training partner that just let it be and let it go.

April 26th: The nice thing about running is there is always another day to try and be better. After the angst of yesterday, which I still hold onto and will, today's plan was the Michigan which I've done before. It's 1mile @ 10K, 1mile @ HMP, 1200 @ 10K, 1 mile @ HMP, 800 @ 5K, 1 mile @ HMP, 400 @ just go (splits: 7:02, 7:28, 5:20 (7:09), 7:30, 3:27 (6:58), 7:30, 1:43 (6:58). The weather was humid but not bad. I warmed up in my Superblasts and then switched to the Metaspeed Sky Paris for the workout. Man, those are some slick shoes. The calf was a little tight on the headwind harder workout, but seems to be not too much worse for wear. I enjoy this workout because it makes the HMP paces feel so nice after the 10K runs. I compared to last year and I'm just a bit slower this go around, but marginally and I think, if I was trying to match paces and knew them, I could have kept with last year so that's nice. I had some head and tail winds so tried to make it somewhat even. All in all, not too bad of a workout and hoping to shake some of the sadness from Friday's less than ideal work off.

April 27th: This was a shorter long run and, while I wasn't sure how my legs would feel after the Michigan, I just tried not to think on that. This was actual just a nice and simple long run. Nothing remarkable, but nothing difficult. I listened to podcasts and just moved.

Training Log April 14th-20th

April 14th: Day o' Rest.

April 15th: I'm not entirely sure how this week is going to shape up as to planning so reached out to Coach about the schedule. It was not too unobviously implied I should try and keep with it, but of course changes could be made. I already knew that I would do the big speed workout tomorrow, but today was a scheduled 8 and that's just a hard number to make work with life and whatnot. I thought, once again, that I could become an AM runner, but I think I am letting that dream die. It is asking too much of me and I'd rather make other adjustments and live with those. So, I geared up for the 8 today. I got to 7 which, honestly, that's a success. When I left work, there was a big old storm that rolled in and when I was able to start running there was thunder. So to the tread. Granted, the weather was just lovely when I ended, but so it goes. The calf felt okay on it, more or less good, so that's nice to think that I may have the tread back as an option going forward.

April 16th: This is a big workout, I think the longest speed session I've done if not part of a long run: 2x4@MP. I went into this knowing I wanted to do it and only making the smallest deals to bail. But I planned and committed to this full hour and half. And guess what? I did it. Not only did I do it, but it went really well. I am immensely proud of this workout. It's the type where, no matter what happens from here out and with the race, I can look back and say: "you know what, I gave this block a lot including this workout." The 4 miles were nearly identical in time 31:14 and 31:13 and the splits were 7:54, 7:47, 7:48, 7:44, 7:45, 7:46, 7:49, 7:52). I felt like I was pushing, but not like I was toast at the end. I still am questioning the ability to hold that pace for 26.2, but that's okay. That's pretty much all of marathon training. I also did this as an out and back (2 out, 2 back) because of trying to get the same benefit and resistance of the wind and what hills there are. This one is going to stay with me for a while.

I've also grown as a runner where, now thinking about this workout, I don't think about what I can do on Memorial Day, I think about being proud of this hard work. It may not result in something that I want, but that doesn't take away from how it went, how strong it made me, and a benefit that's beyond a race. Before I would have just thought about what it means for the race, and while that is still applicable, it's not the only thing that matters. I'm just trying to be better and, perhaps that means something big on the other side, or perhaps it just means I am better for doing this now no matter what may or may not come from it.

April 17th: Another nice rest day. I never got into being able to cross train this block. As usual.

April 18th: I had a haircut after work, so despite knowing I could fit in a run after work, I went with the am attempt. I also, as of this moment but not as of writing this, planned to long run on Saturday so I wanted as much space between my runs. I managed to get up and get out the door. It wasn't too bad; heart rate is always a little higher and paces a little slower, but the miles were done.

April 19th: My Friday was Something Else and I was wrecked from the day. I still kept hope alive, eating pasta and prepping for a long run, but with my body feeling pretty wrecked and the heat I knew was coming (so a necessary earlier start) I was beginning to see the writing on the wall. I called it mid-night turning off my alarm and just went with the days being moved (again). I didn't bother to reach out to my coach knowing she probably was dealing with Boston Marathon runners and, really, the decision was made. Best she may have said was not to run butttttt, yeah, I was going to run. It was toast(ier) than usual, but not a bad easy run.

April 20th: The plan for the day was a spicy long run (3-3@MP-1-1@HMP-1-3@MP-1-1@HMP-1-3@MP-2). I did this run for Newport and it was a challenge but I got it done. I'm trying to include the husband in some of these plans so he was going to the rail trail and despite knowing better, I decided to join there. I have come to *hate* the rail trail unfortunately because the subtle inclines are the worst for me mentally and pace wise. I think, in retrospect, I self-sabotaged. But I did go out for the 3 mile warmup and started the MP 3 miles, but 1.5 miles in it was a decision time. The pace was hard, but not in the hard but okay way but in the I'm not going to make this way. A lot of that was probably mental, but I still have a long way to go with that aspect and, when you're by yourself on a trail, facing 15.5 more miles, sometimes you have to make a call. So I stopped the watch so it stopped harping at me missing my paces, and restarted. I forced myself through the rest of that 20 miles knowing that I was not going to fail in two ways for one run. I reached out to my coach and am just waiting to hear back but hopefully it'll be positive support. I still have one more spicy long run with 20 and this time, the focus in on that run.

I am proud, though, of having completed the 20 miles. I think a few years ago I may have bailed and bargained my way out of it, convincing myself it was fine. It probably would have been fine, but not ideal. Now I knew that I should try even if I didn't succeed in one way. 

Training Log April 7th-April 13th

April 7th: On deck was a speed workout of 3x2miles at 7:51. I did the warm-up and about halfway through the 1st mile at the prescribe pace, my calf just started to let me know it wasn’t happy. I have been there before, just recently!, and so I decided that I would just dial it entirely back. I ended up doing a easy 6 mile run and the camp with more or less OK with it if not a little bit sore but I was proud of that decision.

April 8th: In discussing with my coach, the plan was to keep the week as scheduled and just move forward. Today was a rest day. Done and done. It helps too that my in-laws come in tonight

April 9th: As mentioned, my in-laws are in town and I didn’t have the energy to wake up early and do the 6 mile run after staying up way too late chatting. It would be very rude, I think, I do the run with them here for a short time so I skipped it. It’s really hard to not consider this week already a failure and to be worried about the implications going forward. But there is something to be said about some things mattering more and will a 6 mile skipped run really do me in? We shall see but sometimes you have to make the hard decisions.

April 11th: I am essentially forcing myself to get this train back on the track. Today was a long speed work out, but it worked out after discussing our schedules with my husband. On deck with 2 x (1.5mi, 1mi) with 800 rest jog all and strength pace which is 7:51. I did this outside and after work, and I was happy with all of the splits, which were above the prescribed paces:

Splits: 11:24 (7:36), 7:30, 11:23 (7:36), 7:39.

I cut the cool down a little short but overall nothing too bad and pretty happy with this one. Everything felt good and I’m hoping that the calf continues to make its little recovery again.

April 12th: We woke up to 6 inches of snow. I knew there was crummy weather this weekend but I thought it could be worked around. Not actually the case now. I was trepidatious about the treadmill because I think it does cause my calf some issues but there was no other option today so I lacked ip and got the 8 miles done with not much worse than wear. I feel like I’m slowly clawing this week back

April 13th: Luckily the bad weather cleared up so I was able to do the 14 mile long run outside with just a normal amount of layers. It was a pretty good 14 miler where I felt steady, paces were quicker than I expected it to be, and the heart rate was kept low. I don’t entirely trust or rely on the heart rate because sometimes how the watch sits on my wrist seems to affects things, but it was nice to at least see it a tad lower. Also just a nice end of a week that really got away from me at times.

Training log March 31st-April 6th

March 31st: Rest rest.

April 1st: I had a later start so was able to run on the morning at a reasonable time. I did six, planned seven, and it went fine. I feel like I may be over whatever calf issuei had if I keep on top of the easy stuff.

April 2nd: Here was the real test. The plan was 6x1mil @ 7:51. The funniest thing about a small injury is how everything see So Big. Overall, this went well! I did 5x1mi as the calf started saying “hi” around the 4th set and, when the cooler temps started to settle I knew it was best to call it.

Splits: 7:42, 7:40, 7:42, 7:36, 7:44.

April 3rd: 👋🏻 rest day

April 4th and April 5th: I usually don’t love the idea of combining two days of running but they really were pretty similar. Both were easy time on the feet, moving and seeing how everything felt. Both went well about and happy to keep the miles up.

April 6th: The goal of the long run workout was 4mi-4mi@MP-1mi-3mi@MP-1mi-2@MP-3mi

The reality was all that minus 1 mile of the cooldown. Overall I’m happy with this in retrospect but it was hard in the moment. The warmup was sluggish, maybe the podcast, maybe just life but it wasn’t the easiest mental start. Then I started with the up tick which were hard BUT I held on. I had some stops after the tempos to change clothes or deal with the teeth but I think I stopped at better times then I had in the past. The weather was its own thing so I started narrowing in on my route to make sure I had a option for warmer clothes or even a nail out which I didn’t need it turns out. I ended a little early as the calf was starting to show up and I was beginning to drag and suffer in form. Overall, this was a win although not a grand slam. Running, turns out, is a challenge.

Training Week March 24th-March 30th

March 24th: Rested.

March 25th: I'm once more back on my morning workouts. Work is just so unpredictable and my husband can be just as unpredictable with what mood he may be in towards my running that I figure this is, somehow, easier. The workout was 2x3 @ strength pace which is a 7:51. I got up and been running at 5am (oof). Even with the wicked early start, I knew pretty soon I was going to run (pun intended) out of time. I also did, in fact, was up the husband so I was aware of that. I did 1x3 and then 2x3 with a brief cooldown (there was a mile warm-up too). I was bummed to miss the last mile because things were feeling pretty good so I hoped to complete it. But so it goes. 

March 26th: Rest. I still have not gotten the hang of doing something other than running when I had a planned rest day.

March 27th: I was home early so debated about going inside or outside, literally changing outfits twice, but finally settle on in. The workout was 12x400 and I didn't relish the idea of that on the roads by me and didn't want to drive back towards the park I usually run at so off to the treadmill I went. I was only sort of looking forward to this; I really should have gone outside but I started. I was wearing the Brook Hyperion Max which I love the feel of, but they do seem to cause some tightness in my calf. Like an idiot (reason coming soon), I kept those on for the warm-up and the calf was just getting a little bit tighter and tighter is then I switched to the ASICS MagicSpeed for the workout which I forgot how nice those felt too. I then got going on my first 400 which I made it all of .20 before something just went OUCH in my calf. I've never stopped the tread so quickly, even doing the guide rail jump. The calf was wicked painful. I walked around a bit, I slow jogged in place for a bit, I even considered going outside for a bit, before I called it. The day was done, my calf was done, and now it was a waiting game to see wth I had done. I reached out to my coach letting her know and then just sort of despair ate some chips for dinner, depresso expresso.

March 28th: No run for me today. The calf is still quite sore. I am more than positive I didn't tear anything because I think that has to feel worse then what I did, but there's something happening. I have a calf sleeve that I'm rocking and just seeing where things go. I'm trying not too be concerned about the big picture stuff because, let's be honest, it's not that big of a deal about my marathon. Do I want to continue training and have hopes of doing well? Yes. Am I going to be annoyed if I did something to my calf (because I was an idiot)? Yes. Will I be okay if I did something to my calf and have to scrap the block? Also yes. This running thing for my stress relief, my joy, my escape. I will work through whatever happened and find joy elsewhere. It's not that deep.

March 29th: I tested the water of the calf with an outdoor run. I did 3.5, talking myself out of 4 because, what will that extra half mile really do?, and it went okay. The calf was tight, may be a little sore, but no worse. Afterwards, as I write this, it was not too bad at all. I'm hopeful that the Brooks just aren't for me and cause my leg mechanics to work in a way that does not work for me so my calf reacted, got angry, and needs some time to calm down. That was that I was seeing before with them (and yes, I kept trying them out because I like the feel of them during the run and I'm an idiot) so I'm hoping I can do 10-14 tomorrow to keep mostly on track for the week and big picture. I'll be happy to get some miles and see less pain though too and see what Coach has to say about it all from there.

March 30th: Before heading out, I’m going to list the goals for the day. A Goal: 14 miles, B Goal: 10 miles, C Goal: any miles, hopefully 5-7 but being smart.

Good news: I got a half marathon in for this run. I could have gone to 14 but am in the mindset of not pushing and not caring (haha?). Overall it went well and I’m happy with how it went and feel like I’m over whatever jump happened.

Training Week March 17th-March 23rd

March 17th: Post-Eastern States which was mostly sitting due to travel and then house stuff before the week starts.

March 18th: Despite spring coming here, the time in which I start running isn't always going to result in daylight at the end. Plus, it's still layer weather and after work sometimes I just don't want to do that. Today, I stayed inside and went for an easy five on the treadmill. Not much to report and feeling overall pretty good post-Eastern States.

March 19th: Rest.

March 20th: Again this was just miles really. It was planned for longer, 7 miles, but I was a bit later than expected and didn't want to be for as long as I would need to be to reach that distance so I moved the 7 to to the weekend.

March 21st: I planned to do this speed workout outside as I would have a free evening, but a poor sleep and an intense, albeit okay, day at work, had be home late and tired. I was going to jump on the tread but realized I didn't want to be inside and so I mustered up my willpower and went outside for a little over 5 miles. I felt overall okay, nice to be outside, even if the legs were a bit dead. I reached out to my coach to see a good game plan for the rest of the week, but it may just be a speedless week which, with Eastern States, I'm not too concerned with.

March 22nd: This 7 miler was just one of those runs that clicked. It wasn't particularly easy as the route was hilly, but it never felt like a slog. It just sort of rolled and there was a nice breeze that made me keep my gloves, but sun so I knew I was outside. I needed the break as well and really enjoyed the time and the music I had.

March 23rd: Not going to lie, when I saw what the weather was, and I was so disappointed in myself for not considering this the run on Saturday that I was already coming up with more reasons why the run was not going to go well. I essentially was in a mental spot of already labeling the run and failure and that if I did 13 (plan was 16) that would be a “success”. I really tried to kick myself out of that thinking which was somewhat successful at by basically just pushing forward. The miles in the beginning were definitely not the easiest. It took me a while to get my focus and to not only think about how much more there was to do. I tried to listen closely to my podcast as well as play the game about fueling. In the end the almost 16 miles we’re done with relative ease in terms of how the body felt even if the head was dragging. It actually felt like I was running much slower than what my splits ended up being which was a pleasant surprise. This was one of those runs where I was proud that I got it done because it was a just grit-and-bear it run.

Training Week March 10th-March 16th

 March 10^th: Resty-rest.

March 11^th: Because of Eastern States there’s only one work out this week. For the past few days I was dead set this was only 6x800 believing it so much that’s what I programmed on my phone. I hoped/planned to do this outside as I have the dog boarded and no husband at home. But once it came time to head to the park where I run these, I just didn’t want to. For one some friends were meeting up to walk and I didn’t want to just keep run by them and two, although it is lighter now I figured I’d be finishing in the dark. So, home to the tread I went. The workout went pretty well. I managed to pick up the paces a bit from the last time I had some 800s and felt in control. I ran in my new Brooks Hyperion Max 2 and they felt fancy and free.

March 12^th: A long recovery run after a long workday including picking up the doggo, felt exactly like one would expect. It was a planned 8 but I promised myself I’d do an hour. I went a little over that to get to 7 on the tread and that was good for me. The work on Tuesday and this late run has been not sleeping the best per my watch because I go from hard work, to food, to shower to sleep. I’m looking forward to the rest day and to the day off on Friday.

March 13^th: Rest, done and done.

March 14^th: I took today off of work and it was quiet nice. I solid sleep and an easy little 5 mile run back into packing and sitting. 

March 15th: Just a quick run that was scheduled as three but I just did what worked. Nothing special which isn’t a bad thing. 

March 16th: Eastern States! This was our 5th time doing the 20 miler and probably the best logiscally. It’s a late start which make fueling interesting but the toast, PB and jelly held me through. My main goal was to do this was a harder long run. I modified that as it got closure to focus on fueling. When I went into it I thought about a prior year progression run but I’m really bad at those so want excited about it. I then figured just do a long run but … boooooring. So, once I started at saw my splits being pretty consistent at 8:28-8:30 I thought okay let’s do this first ten meteradome style. Just try and glide through 8:30s for ten miles and then drop to 8:00-815 for the last ten. I had a few folks I saw and chased down which was a good distraction and then I went at 10 (a little before actually). I wasn’t able to go below 8:15 really but I did pick it up. I was colder than expected with the weather so that kept some mental power although not physical aside from when I tried to open gels (oy!). I focused on needing to pee which I think was actually a defense mechanism but I finally pulled off to a port-o-potty at 16. It cost me about a minute but I think the mental gain wasn’t a lost. I had a good second half and a good last 3-4 miles mentally. My gel intake could have been better and I think I need to try a plan UCAN and se how that sits…

Overall, I’m happy with this result. It was a PR and I feel like I tried something more the second half and tried to not shy away from the distance. I’m still needing to work on fueling as I think that’s a big missing piece but this wasn’t a misstep. 

The positive mental game was pretty good and I just trying to keep remembering that I get to play running. That being out here is fun. It’s something I get to do and choose to do. What a gift!

Training Week March 3rd-March 9th

March 3rd: After a success end of the weekend running with my leg still tight but not worse!, I turned my attention to the totality of my training plan. I try my hardest to follow my plan, and I love to follow someone’s plans for me, but I’m struggling some with the work/life/run balance. But that’s why I pay a coach so we’re going to make some shifts to remove a long workout on Fridays and perhaps skip four days in a row and do it two days, rest, three. I hope this will bring more balance to everything.

March 4th: This was 6x1 mile alternating +10 / -10 seconds from marathon pace. It actually went fine, if not a big of a drag. I called it at 5 due to leg iffyness and time. With a treadmill the plus/minus is actually pretty easy although mine were 7 seconds because of how my tread works. The leg was still tight but I think we’re getting close to better.

March 5th: I decided, once again, to try and be a morning runner. This time I managed to get up before 4:45 and got in 6 miles. It went well too! Go figure. For me if I hit my REM cycle just righy, the early mornings aren’t that bad. It’s when something throws that off be it the the pup, food or if I have a drink or two, and then the struggle is Real, and I usually talk myself out of it (which then is funny because usually I’m not going back to sleep). This run felt really good and it didn’t wear me down for the rest of the day. So once more, I’m going to put these early mornings back on my radar.

March 7th: And just as quickly as I make myself a promise to try and get up in the morning workout m, I don’t do it. We did go out to eat last night, and I did have a drink so to be fair I was pretty sure that was going to be the case. Therefore, the work out was at the end of the day. This was 3 x 800, 400, 400. It went okay. I think I was fairly under a fueled today and on the treadmill, it was just one of those workouts where the speed wasn’t there and I couldn’t get my body to relax and turn over faster. So the reps were all at 7:19 which is entirely fine and pretty close to one of the acceptable paces sit by the coach, so I’m not too disappointed but a little bit.

I will say that I had a pretty rough day earlier this week at the office and it was one of those days where you just felt knocked down. That was another reason why I have tried to focus on regrouping a bit with a training plan because I never want training, and certainly not running, to feel like it is a chore or that it takes something away or out of me. The entire point of this is to add something into who I am.

March 8th: This was an easy 5 miles which I got myself outside for. It was a tad breezy, but overall not a bad gig and happy to be outside. I definitely listed to Forever by Mumford and Sons too much but man does that one hit right now.

March 9th: Long run day with 14 on deck. This one went so-so. The legs felt good and actually the hamstring seems to be over its little issue (knock on wood). It was mostly energy and tummy meh. I think I need to combo UCAN and Maureen but skip caffeinated gels as the UCAN alone seems to not quite have enough or perhaps, with the package, I don't get enough. For Eastern States, I'll bring enough so that I can alternate along with salt chews as back up for sodium. We shall see how that goes. But, overall, glad I got this one done and in the books.

The Days You Defend

I heard a song at the end of a Ted Lasso episode and it stuck with me so I downloaded it. I finally really listened to it on my run today and, ooof, it just hits the right now these days.

I know I've had you troubled,
And I know I've seared your mind.
But you know that I love you,
And that our loves not blind.

I'm sure my dreams lie with you,
But I've many more besides.
And if I can't see them through,
Our love will slowly die.

So if you doubt for the time that you're spending,
And if you doubt for the love in your heart.
Think of London and the girl you're returning,
And the days you defend will turn to gold.

So love with your eyes.
Love with your mind.
Love with your - dare I say forever.
Do it for yourself.
Do it for the girl.
Do it for your - dare I say forever.

Honestly, I don't know if I can write what I want about these lyrics and how it hits me right now. I just know that they are freeing to me and to my life so I want to share and save them here.

And look towards those golden days.

Training Week February 24th-March 2nd

February 24th: Typical rest day and this one comes with somer unfortunate right hamstring pain/tightness. Unsure if that's due to the foot pain or just a pretty heavy week last week.

February 25th: Hamstring is still not happy so instead of the speed session planned, I did an easy four. Disappointing, but I'm trying to remain positive. There's still time and best to be safe.

February 26th: Because of some scheduling later this week, I ran easy today. It should have been sometime like 6-7 miles to keep up on the week, but Hamstring (who now gets their name in caps) is still bothering me so I did an easy 5. This one came with some extra drama but I'm just going to keep that one close to the chest.

February 27th: Rested up again. Hamstring still annoyed, but making shifts for later in the week to try and get the most out of this week while keeping an eye on Hammy (now they have a nickname).

February 28th: Our pup had a rough night. We've been changing his food and he's had a few other issues, but tonight it was a 2am wake up to diarrhea and then a 4:40am wake-up to the same. After cleaning up at 4:40am I decided it was best to just get my run done. I did a little over 5 on the treadmill and am keeping an eye on Hammy who is not getting worse, but holding a bit steady in the tightness arena. In consulting with my coach, I'm going to try and have my long run with the missed tempo (6 miles). 

March 1st: Well, first spicy long run of this block and it was a success. Hammy is still there and still letting me know they aren't 100% happy with marathon training. But again, it's not getting worse so I'm going to keep trying it out. This long run was 8 miles normal, 6 miles at MP (8:00), 2 normal. I hit the tempo pretty solidly, with an 8:02 average. Miles fluxed a bit more than I would like, but I'm trying the spicy long run for the first time. The last two were a bit slower than the first 8 but I didn't fall too much apart. I took 3.5 gels and the Maurten was the one that seemed to settle the least well so I may try a full UCAN contingent next time. I am still terrible with fluid so I really need to try and step that up because the post-run nausea is telling me that I'm missing that aspect pretty solidly.

March 2nd: I'm a little low on the hopeful miles this week, but followed the advice of 4-6 miles so I, of course, did 5. Hammy was maybe a little more upset, but I did put some all natural muscle relaxant on it for all that may do. I'm going to try and be a bit more focused on my use of the compression pants and theragun to try and make everything go relaxed.

Next week is a bit of a dial back, although that will actually have my miles be about what they were this week and, after that, it's Eastern States with the first 20 miler of this build. Or, for now, that's the plan. I'm more than happy to consider shifting to a half if Hammy or something else decides to pop up. 

Training Week February 17th-February 23rd

February 17th: As always starting my week with the rest week. After the long run on the treadmill, I didn’t feel quite as beat up as I thought I was going to and since I had that day off from work, it was a nice way to ease into the week.

February 18th: The work out today was the Michigan which I called a mini Michigan because it was a little less miles then when I did it later block last year. The plan was 1 mile at half marathon, 800 meters at 10k/5k, 1 miles half marathon, 2 x 400 meter at 10k/5k and 1 mile at half marathon with two minutes rest between everything. I have to say all in all it seem to go very well. The half marathon paces felt pretty controlled and were fairly consistent at 7:41. I felt that I could push it a little bit but because on the tread of the paces differ by so many seconds, I held it steady, not wanting to run out of steam. The 800 and 400s were a bit quicker then last week and I liked the turnover and didn’t feel like I was chasing the belt. Overall, I was very happy with this one and they gave me some confidence going forward.

February 19th: I hoped to do either my 7 or 4 mile run today but after my haircut it just didn’t seem to fit in with ease so just another rest day. 👍🏻

February 20th: I moved my schedule around because I was cooking tonight, and I also got home a little bit later so I just did 4 miles which was set for Saturday. My feet are super blistered up right now and my pinky toes are killing me, but all in all the run felt pretty solid. It just one of those runs where everything moved with relative ease. I’m pushing my paces of a easy run by just a little bit, but still lower than what I used to do.

February 21st: Because the past two weeks have been going a little bit better in terms of my training, I’m actually excited for speed work. It seems like my coach is upping the intensity a bit, although the paces are about the same. Either way, I’m really trying to approach each proposed workout with the mind set that it is going to be fun. Plus I’m choosing to do this! It is, of course, much easier to have that frame of mind before you go through entire workday. I got home from work at about the normal time and because my husband was working, I didn’t have to worry about any other thing other than running. The proposed plan was 1.5 warm up and cool down and then 4 x 1.5 miles at strength pace which for me as a 7:51. I realized as soon as I started and thought about the intervals, it was going to be a mentally challenging one. Something about 1.5 miles sounds long. I definitely play all the mind games during each one, moving paces, making splits, doing body checks, making deals with myself, etc. Each time I went through an interval I embraced the 400 meters and worked to get the heart rate down and brain Re-set. And, you know what, I got it done, I did all four, and I was actually very impressed with myself. I am wicked tired today which is Saturday and so I’m probably only going to do 4-5 miles at a very easy pace to flush out the legs. Tomorrow I have 14 miles on deck. I’m trying to also keep the excitement and looking forward attitude for long runs as well.

February 22nd: I didn’t have a good sleep, probably too close to the workout for the body to recovery plus the dog was a pain so I woke up tired and even though it’s a weekend day, I just didn’t have the planned seven in me so did four. Not the end of the world and certainly what was correct for my body

February 23rd: Prior to the long run, I figured I’d set some goals. First, I’d like to take in four gels. Second, I want to finish a handheld. These two goals kind of stink as it’s all stomach based but that’s got to be trained too! We’ll see how this goes.

February 23rd continued: To be fair, I am writing this on March 2nd so I'm playing some memory games and looking at Strava. There was some ice still on the ground so I had a few small walks and also forgot to restart my watch. Full distance was around 14.3 I think. I took three gels which all settled okay but only about 5-8 ounces of water. Everything felt fine except during the last 1-2 miles when my right upper foot really started to hurt. Perhaps against better judgment I finished. 

Back to Life

I was looking at this blog on my phone and, when I re-started it earlier this year, I hid all the old posts. Not real reason why, they once were live, other than the fact that I consistently try to restart and to find a new beginning. As if one day I'll find the perfect start. But that's not how life goes and, if anything, the perfection in my running is the consistency. My blogging, for what that may be, is only the smallest snapshot of my running. I have written logs, lost logs and mental logs all over the place. And, what matters most, is that I've kept showing up no matter if it was blogged or not.

This year started off not the best in terms of the training. The first two weeks went fine but then things took a dive with travel and sicknesses. It took a while, really probably up to yesterday, to feel like I hadn't lost everything in the block (which is still so young but May will be here before you know it). So, when I was publishing my training from last week, I thought, just share all the past that you've created here. 

Training Week February 10th-16th

February 10th: Despite having no mileage really this weekend, I still kept today as a rest day. I’m starting to feel better in terms of the cold and so I’m hoping that I’m starting to finally get back on track and will be able to get into the training plan as scheduled soon.

February 11th: Today’s plan was 3 x 2 minutes two minutes one minute with one minute rest between at a 5K 10K pace. As I am still trying to be smart about my come back )don’t call to come back!) I kept with the pick ups, but did it only at 8:34 per minute pace. It didn’t feel that hard which was nice and it really shouldn’t feel that hard but you never know. I’m hoping to move things around with my coach this week, but still hit all of the goals for this week which is a little bit less than the original plan, but coming off of the last two weeks I’ve had I’m going to roll with it.

February 12th: Rest day! I do hope to get to a cross training day one day a week on the rest day, but I’m still being cautious about this return to the training block.

February 13th: I had today off for some house stuff so I knew I wanted to get my run in probably around lunchtime and thankfully that worked out with the plumber is leaving just before noon. On the schedule was 8 miles which included 1.5 mile warm up and cool down and 5 miles at marathon pace. I already planned to cut the warm up and cool down to 1 mile because 1.5 miles just sounded like too much. And I was aiming for the 5 miles at 8:00. Guess what? I did it! It wasn’t the most comfortable, but it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought and so far I’m still feeling okay. It was a nice ego boost to not feel like I have lost all time with the past three weeks. I’m proud of this and not as pessimistic as I was before. It’s a long road still, but here’s hoping that I am somewhat back on the track.

February 14th: I was supposed to run four but didn’t want to wake up early and we had dinner plans so this was an unplanned rest day.

February 15th: To make up some lost miles I went a little rogue doing a Peloton class (650th run with a shoutout) and actually followed the cues so this was faster and harder then scheduled but it was fun.

February 16th: We have some weather so I knew going into this weekend I was going to long run n the tread. On deck was 12 miles which I hit tread wise and 13.1 in my watch so the truth is likely closer to the 12. I actually didn’t feel terrible and managed two UCANs in stomach prep which is always an adventure. I’ll be happy to get outside one day but I’m not going to press in bad weather.

All in all I’m happy with how this week turned out with me finally feeling like I’m in a place to focus on my training plan. We’ll see how long this last as everyone is still sick and February and March’s weather tries anyone patience, but here we go.

Training Week February 3rd-9th

February 3rd: And we’re back! Over a week traveling and in Patagonia and home again. Patagonia was absolutely beautiful but, in terms of fitness, the polar opposite. I was able to do a few hike, including one that was ten miles, but then I got hit with a norovirus which made eating and physical movement hard. I’m not overly sad that I missed anything because it was actually relaxing once the nausea passed.

February 4th: And now we’re back again to some running. Easy four on the tread. Felt overall okay and nothing fancy.

February 5th: Rest day which was good due to some outside factors and the fact I think I’m getting sick.

February 6th: I’m still feeling so-so energy wise and, although this won’t be true for much longer, have some time before the hard work so I’m taking it easy. Today was planned for 6 miles with some 200 pickups but I did an easy 4 miles. My hope, with coach’s okay, is an easy run tomorrow, long run (10-12 miles Saturday) and tempo Sunday. This is all of my body can support that work. I also need to get MUCH better at food intake during the day as I’m under eating for sure.

February 7th: Well this training block is starting off with a very small bang. After Patagonia and noro, now I have a URI that is just sapping my energy. It doesn’t help that I’m right back to it at work. Today was planned 4 miles, I got in 3. I’m writing this post on February 8th which was supposed to be 12 miles and is now zero. My hope is to get 5-7 tomorrow and then just get this whole block regrouped.

February 8th: I did three miles today and that felt like enough. This is very frustrating but I’m trying to remember it’s very early in the block and to keep positive.

Training Week January 19th-26th

January 29th: Everyone’s favorite, rest day!

January 21st: Speed work of 4x400, 2x800, 4x400 with 1:30-2:00 rest in set and 2:30 between sets. I felt okay. Paces are still a bit slower than planned on the tread but I’m trying to learn and grow on it. Also looking to aim for effort and not paces keeping in mind my work day. I started to have a wicked calf tightness in my right leg. Probably should have stopped but I know I’m off running for a few so was stubborn. The warmup and cooldown were just a mile and not 1.5 but that’s fine. Calf was sooooore but I also attribute that to heels at work.

January 22nd: I took this as a rest to rest the calf and I have little to prove until I’m back from vacation.

January 23rd: Easy four which felt pretty good with only some calf annoyance.

January 24th: Another easy four pre-travel. I had a workout planned (3 miles at MP) but with travel I decided to keep things easy and calm before the marathon of travel.

The rest of this week and next will be spent traveling and hiking. I don’t even have running shoes! I may make notes or just pick this back up once we’re back into the training plan.

Training Week January 13th-19th

January 13th: Rest day Monday!

January 14th: Our trip this weekend was canceled, which is a bummer but we have a big one the end of the month so there’s something. Plus, the reason for not going make perfect sense and is the right call. So this means there’s likely not a break in the training this week. Today was 8x1 min at 5k-10k pace. I set the tread at 7:14-7:09 for the minutes. It went okay. Sometimes when I’m on the treadmill with faster paces there’s a mental block where I almost have a bit of an anxiety attack as if I think I’m going to trip or fall. The stride gets off and I’m held back. It’s annoying but the heart rate goes up! I’m hoping that’s something I can try to fix this go around.

January 15th: The problem with going away is how much work goes into getting to that point. I’ve been out of the home for 11 hours each day for couple past weeks. What that means is that optimistic idea that my second rest day would actually be a bike day goes out the window. 

January 16th: We’re slowly easing back into the two speed workouts a week. That’ll be the case up until the marathon although at times it will be a workout during a long run, which sometimes I prefer and sometimes they are the worst. Today was three miles at marathon pace, 8:00 a mile, with .25 rest between. I actually felt really good during the marathon pace efforts, which is always a nice thing. I had to cut the warm up and cool down short because of time which is just going to be the running theme of this build.

January 17th: Today was *A Day* at work. There was 6 miles on my schedule, but I already only plan to do 4 because of dinner plans. After the day I just had there was literally no energy to even pull out a 1 mile run at this stage that would’ve had any benefit. Since technically I’m supposed to be in California right now and had the weekend off on a training block, I’m going to have some grace with myself and take the rest for what it was and what I needed. There will be plenty of time to push through and keep going even when I don’t want to that I can afford to rest right now especially with our larger trip coming up.

January 18th: I managed to get myself outside today. I knew I couldn’t make up the missed miles so I settled for something in between. I had a pretty solid headache so that took most of my focus, but I got 5.5 done I told myself to just go to the end of the rail trail and back and don’t look at your watch. Miles are miles. I held true to that promise and thought a lot about how Des Linden, when speaking about DNF-ing for a non-injury/emergent reason, said that the first time you step off is hard, but it makes the next time a little easier. I'm trying to focus on my mental game this block and didn’t step off this time.

January 19th: Long run of 12 miles. The legs felt okay at the start, but I didn't really enjoy the hills. It was sort of just a meh run. Nothing bad, nothing good. I was going to call it at 11.5, but went to the 12 just because. I feel like this is the time in the block, aside from the fact I'll be off running for about two weeks, where it's harder than it feels for what I'm doing. I look forward to a hard 20 and the 12 feeling easy.

Being Tired

 There is nothing unique or new with being or feeling tired. It's something everyone, in some manner, feels or thinks. You could play the comparison game until the end of time, trying to one-up or out-do someone with your tiredness and exhaustion and busyness. So, I'll just touch upon my own because it is heavy right now.

It's been a long couple of months and I don't expect anything to change so I constantly try to think of how I can (and need to) adjust. Each day, around 11am, I think "damn it I should have run in the morning" because I see my daily clock ticking down, my energy levels starting to go, and I just know how hard anything after the work day will be. And I've come to be of an age where I do skip days I normally wouldn't skip.

I hate that so much though. I want to be able to follow my plan as instructed. I know I can be dumb, but I want to be naive. I want to thank that I'll have the time and the energy, but I'm learning the lesson again and again that I won't and don't.

So, what does that mean? I don't know if I can change the tired without a huge change and I don't want that. I need to adjust and, to adjust, I have to commit. If I want to run like I want to run, I need to make sure I put in the effort to do that which is more than just following a plan. It's making a commitment to change and stick with it.

Despite being tired, I'll keep trying.

Training Week January 6th-January 12th

January 7th: Everyone loves a rest day which was yesterday. I also enjoy it being a Monday because, Mondays amiright? Today I did a sneak peek of next week with five one minute pickups on the tread amongst my five planned miles. The pickups went fine, I did them at 7:14, and felt okay. Looking forward to seeing how this training block evolves.

January 8th: This was going to be a bike day, but that didn’t happen so I turned it into a rest day. Happy with that decision, but I do hope to make changes going forward.

January 9th: I had an appointment after work so I knew if I was going to get my run it without having everything be super late, I had to do it in the morning. My alarm went off and I mentally tried to convince myself it would be okay to run at the end of the day and I would have time. But *then* I told myself, just get out of bed and get it done! I successfully did that and ran 4 miles early in the morning. I have to adjust my wake up time going forward if I want to run more than 4 to 5 miles, but I’m going to take the success for what it is right now

January 10th: I fully was set in the fact that there was no way I was getting in 6 miles after work. Throughout the day, I convinced myself that it would be too hard and that I would find myself only running 3 miles. Which would be fine! It’s fine! I didn’t want to run in the morning because my husband had to work late so I didn’t want to have him wake up because the dog can’t settle. So after work I got home, later than expected, but not really as things go these days. I did a few things and then I laced up and I put on a 45 minute Peloton class. I added to that and got 5.5 miles done. The entire day/night ended up being later than expected but I’m glad that I got it done and I feel proud of myself for that.

January 11th: I lied to myself saying I’d do 5 inside and 5 outside in the snow because it was pretty. I did a 45 minute Peloton class that has 22 minutes of incline which I held! Becs had some good focusing tidbits and it didn’t hurt my legs so that felt good. I, of course, stayed on the tread, convincing myself that’ll be too much of a pain to change, the roads might be dangerous, and I was in a groove of some sort. The run went well and I was particularly proud of myself for getting it done today because I had a tighter schedule on Sunday. This was a day that I just felt content with my running and decisions

January 12th: I was pretty optimistic this weekend about the things I want to take it done. I’m about 80% the way through my to do list and the things that I haven’t done can actually wait. I was able to get 4 miles in before Dear Evan Hansen which was fantastic. Not the run. The run was actually kind of shitty but so it goes. Nothing in particular, just hard and hilly. Dear Evan Hansen was fantastic and I’m so glad I made the decision to go.

Trying to Make a Name

 One reason I come back to blogging here and there is because I keep thinking what if I can make a break through and become "someone" online. I don't even think that I want that, or could effectively do that, but it's always there. What if someone read what I wrote and liked it? What if they saw what I did and it inspired them? The thing is, I don't know how to do that other than putting some words to a blank screen and maybe someone will happen upon on the internet. 

In college I had a live journal that was much more open/shared. I even had a few folks that were strangers follow and post with me. It was neat and a part of me tries to get that back each time I try this. But the thing is, I still keep this part of me hidden. It's not out on my social media, it's not something that I put my name to. To take that leap, I think I need to show me, but I'm not entirely sure I want to do that.

What is this all leading to? Not much, for sure, expect a little bit of honestly that I'm trying to be more here, while still remaining less.

Training Week January 1st-January 5th

I'm falling into the trap of New Year's resolutions, as usual, so this training log begins on a Tuesday because it's January 1st. The goal race is the Bayshore Marathon on May 25th so this training cycle, devised by my coach with edits from me, is focused on that. I've been holding pretty steady since my fall half in October with 15-25 miles a week, but limited speed and no cross training. The training will actually being after our February trip, but technically began around last week.

January 1st: 40 minutes of Peloton biking post-NYE. I didn't really drink but ate so-so yesterday and slept like garbage so this was harder than planned although the heart rate wasn't too bad. I eased off the second class, partially because I felt like trash and partially because I made the excuse that biking is new fixture and I don't have to go 100% from "day one". 

January 2nd: To no one to surprise, the first day of trying the 5 AM wake up did not go according to plan. I was extremely stressed about how my workday would go and couldn’t relax. Although my watch said I slept okay, it didn’t feel like that (liar) so I called it around 4:30 and did my normal wake-up time and routine. All that sets up the fact that I did my run after work. I left early because I had someone coming to the house so I was able to start the run around 5:20 which is a nice change of pace. On deck was 6 miles and I did 6 miles according to my watch, which ends up being about 5.5 according to the treadmill. All in all, not bad. I wore my new Adizero that Believe in the Run rated as their favorite (normal) shoe of the year. It’s a firm and not ideal for my toe striking but I’ll keep it and wear it periodically on the treadmill. I’m having the random tightness still in my right calf but I’m just kind of ignoring that for now and seeing how it goes.

January 3rd: I made plans with some friends about two weeks ago for tonight, but I bailed. The last couple months have been super draining and I feel like I haven’t had a break or time to myself. I know that’s not entirely true, but sometimes it just seems that way. So I asked if we could reschedule and I made a plan that tonight I would do laundry, do a run, eat some food, and just sit with myself, by myself. The Friday runs are always some of the hardest. The week takes so much out of me and it can be difficult to get on the treadmill or out the door. But I usually feel better afterwards and take some pride if seeing the run through. Today was a planned 4 and I did 3.75 which was entirely fine and enough. Overall not feeling too bad, still have some weird niggles here and there which I really just need to get my act together and do PT and strength as all of the niggles are things that I have felt before. The run was done is the Rebel 4 which, once I got the tying down to avoid blisters, are a fan-fav.

January 4th: Ah, the weekend. Time to rest and recoup. I'm trying to following my coach's plan even though long runs on Sundays can be trying. For now, especially since the distances are shorter, it's not as bad so today was another 4. The weather here is meh. It's sunny but cold and windy. The real feel was like 10-15 degrees when I was gearing up to run to run so I stayed on my trusty treadmill again (tomorrow, after all, is another day). I did some pick-ups during particular parts of my play list to keep things fresh and the legs turning over since speed training is right another the corner. Overall felt good. I'm looking to use our Hyperice more regularly because I am awful at other forms of recovery so I'll see if the passive form can do me some good. Also done again in the Rebel.

January 5th: Long run day. Although I had the best intentions of considering an outside run (considering, not doing), I pretty much vetoed that on Friday. I checked the weather and it just didn't feel like it jived for me today so I laced up and found myself back on the tread. I did a few things this go around, warm-up, k a 45 minute Peloton class, and part of the NYC Marathon course. Overall it went fine. I had some tummy issues towards the last 5K which was a clear indicator of poor nutrition choices yesterday. I knew that yesterday and it played out today. But I got it down and the first week of 2025 training is in the books.

Once More, With Feeling

It's that time of the year, the beginning, where I'm trying to determine how to make all the changes to my life for it to be "better". Overall, I am happy with the day-to-day in my life, but I am also a victim of comparison syndrome and see all the ways that I should be able to improve my days. 

 Remember: comparison is the thief of joy. Some of my proposed changes do come from a bit of a place of necessity. 

The early morning workouts I hope to accomplish allow me to let the workday take the path it will take and not feel like I'm losing something if/when it gets away from me. The others goals, meal prep to make my days easier and aim to eat balance, sleep more, write more, stretch more, do more strength and PT, these are all goals I have to improve how I feel. But, man, is it hard to always find the motivation even for those things that you *know* will make you feel better. 

 Yet, I'll try. 

One thing that I do miss is writing. It's been for myself for the last years and, let's be honest, will continue to be for myself as this little corner of the internet will likely get little travel. But I can put some words to a page and look to grow and share even if it's just me. Today is the start of the new year. That is an arbitrary start, but also a clean one. Today is the beginning, although I've had forty-two other beginnings that have bleed into one another, but we'll still call today a beginning. 

So, I'll write my post, share my post, and consider the next steps after that. Overall, this place will be about running and health because that is what I happy to share. 

To start the new year, I'll concluded the last one. 

 On my last run of 2024 yesterday, I put some retrospection into my running year. I ended 2023 very disappointed and frustrated. I'd put a lot of effort, energy and myself into a spring marathon that was a disaster. I actually bounced back okay, focusing on the fact that it was a one-off, but I also new that it easily could *not* be a one off and could I put myself through a training block that ended in something so bad (for me, remember, this is always what I consider bad). I'd looked at running coaches online and pinned one for a few months and finally, at the end of 2023, I decided to take that leap and reached out. It's a purely online coach, but what a difference. 

The coach allowed me to just let go and following instructions. I gave me someone who, more often than not, provided the right positive feedback and motivation. It gave me someone who said they were proud of what I did in something, big picture, as trivial as my running. It allowed me to just show up and do what the plan said and try my best. In a life that is so often controlled by me and something that I often have little control over as well, it was what I wanted and needed. 

 The year resulted in a Boston Qualifying time that, although I did not make the actual time cut off, I made it on paper. It gave me a half marathon personal best and it also made me love running more than I have in the past. The downside of it all, it is caused me wo to wonder "what if". What if I had done this before I was in my forties? But that will get me no where so I'm focusing on what "what now" aspect of this. 

 I know 2025 easily can result in no further improvements. I know I'm getting older but I also know I have some fight still in me for times and efforts that I never reached before but I think that was because I hadn't tried like this before. I look forward to the challenges as it is something that I am choosing to challenge myself with and not something that I have thrust upon me. The training cycle pretty much begins now, with a brief two week lull this month, and then we take off. 

It's time to see how much I can grow this go around.